First, if Sam Adams had anything to do with taking out four parking spaces on a downtown street and putting in rows of bike racks…

860c/1232754960-bikeracksportland.jpg

…then he should be mayor for freakin’ life no matter how many lies he tells about his sex life. Tell us you like to eat pussy, Sam, tell us you’ve got an eight-foot-long dick, tell us you once had a threeway with Chase Crawford and Howard Cosell on a spaceship to Mars. Just keep doing shit like this.

And for the “it’s the lies!” crowd: There was an anti-Sam-Adams demonstration at City Hall in Portland this morning. The assembled crowd of roughly twenty people was comprised, according to witnesses, almost entirely of Jesus freaks. I’m sure the only problem that Portland’s Jesus freak community—or Portland’s suburbs’ Jesus freak community—has with Adams is that he told a lie. Until Adams was revealed to be a lair—until he confessed that, yes, he had cut down that cherry tree, bent that 18-year-old over it, and fucked the living God out of him—Portland’s Jesus freak community was 100% behind the city’s openly gay mayor. It was only when Adams’ lies were revealed that the scales fell from their eyes and the local Jesus freaks decided they had no choice but to call on Sam Adams to resign.

Uh-huh.

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35 replies on “Just Off the Train”

  1. pssst, Dan. shit like this is in the works here. we’re a little be slower than our farther-sighted neighbor to the south, but the city is working on these bike racks in parking spaces thingers. they should be installing a few shortly.

    (don’t tell the car freaks!)

  2. Um.

    OK.

    But what does this have to do with today’s announcements that Starbucks, Microsoft, Google, and other firms employing thousands of local people are not yet done with their layoffs?

  3. Two comments. Since bikes are lower profile they can park closer to intersections safely, so at least one of those spaces would not have been a car parking spot. And I think I count 11 bikes there which would take up a whole block if they were cars, but of course replacing car-spaces with bike spaces hurts business.

  4. Sam is in the Vanguard of Unconstitutional “consent laws” that haunt Americans like miscegenation and sodomy laws of long ago.

    President Obama — speak out for freedom, the freedom to date teens!

  6. um yeah, this is totally off topic, but…

    @3: you’re right. people who ride bikes never buy things at local businesses. they just park their bikes and sit on the curb, knitting their own clothes and eating bag lunches.

    Sarcasm aside, if you count 11 bike there, then that’s 9 more potential local consumers than their would have been if it was car parking for 2. Where exactly do you see the economic harm in this?

  7. Hadn’t realized the “it’s the lies!” crowd is identical to the “resign!” crowd is identical to the “Jesus!” crowd. Very useful information.

  11. Total strawman. You are essentially saying this: “Whatever the Jesus freaks think is always wrong by definition.” If a Jesus freak tells you the sky is blue, will you try and convince me it’s red?

  13. Wow, this post is kind of like if Dan, Charles, and ECB all put their DNA in a petri dish and grew some kind of super-Slogger.

    It needs to include a part about how it was overheard in the office that there’s a movie about how Amazon Kindles are killing off visits to live theater, but this silly YouTube video hanging in a museum made everyone laugh in the end.

  16. I guess I’m part of the “It’s the Lies Crowd” because it is the lies, but I’m by no means part of the “Jesus Freaks” nor do I necessarily want him to resign. I think I have some pretty valid points in my previous post.. sooo, I’m going to post it again. I’d love to hear your response to a non-Jesus Freak, Dan. Just because I feel deceived by one politician I actually had some trust in doesn’t mean I’m narrow minded– it just makes me question the truth of anything he says related to this.

    Let me first say, as a 25 year old gay Portlander, for me it’s not about the sex—it’s about the lies. I voted for Sam Adams—I believed in him. Based on his past two decades of public service, I know that he sincerely cares for the greater good of Portland. He also would serve as a symbol for GLBT people everywhere. I really wasn’t concerned with the fact that he had sex with an 18 year old (I see nothing wrong with this legal act between to consenting adults—I don’t just write them off as “scum”). I think, for the most part, Portlanders are progressive enough in their ideals to even consider such a topic relevant to an election. I’m all for respect of one’s privacy, and normally, I would be on the band wagon with this talk of “mind your own business.” But Sam Adams made this our business when he lied. It has tarnished his credibility, as well as the image of Portlanders and the GLBT community. The fact that he actually COACHED Breedlove into lying only makes you wonder—why go that far when you’ve done nothing wrong? Then add to the mix the widely perceived abuse of power in Adam’s hiring of staff, and it just doesn’t look right.
    We’re all human—we all make mistakes, but often times, we have to pay for those mistakes. Someone asked me if I would admit something like that—I said, of course I would.. or I just wouldn’t run for public office.. or I wouldn’t fuck 18 year olds if I thought that would curb people’s opinion of me in an election. If I lied about something at my job, I would be fired on the spot. I think this should apply to public servants as well (even more so). People complain, “Oh, we hold politicians to much too high a standard.” I know they’re human, but it’s funny this happens just prior to Obama’s announcement of “an era of openness” in government. I don’t want to burn Sam at the stake, but I don’t think he should get a slap on the wrists either. We have to hold our elected officials accountable for their actions—in this case, he lied in order to get elected. “But all politicians lie.” So that means to constantly let it slide when those in power lie?
    It also amazes me how this has become a “gay issue” in Portland—as soon as Sam was attacked, all the gays came together to rally for him (excluding Just Out). Just ignore all this—it’s none of our business. I’m certain this wouldn’t happen if Sam were straight; he most def. would be burned at the stake in Portland. I almost feel his sexuality is the only thing saving him right now– which troubles me as a gay man. I truly wish for Sam to be our Mayor—he’s the best choice (which enforces the fact that he had no reason to lie). Still, I need to hear more from Adams, more from Breedlove, and more from the investigation before I can offer my honest support. This is our business and Sam owes more than an apology.

  18. I’m curious about why it’s not the lies. I get that the Jesus freaks, and maybe even the papers, are talking about the sex. But I don’t care about the sex. I do care about the lies, about asking other people to lie, and about hiring unqualified people in the administration to cover up his lie. You’ve railed on other people about their lies. George Bush, Rick Santorum, Rick Warren, etc. Why are you so ready to let this man slide on his lies? Because he’s gay? Because he’s liberal? I’m not saying he needs to resign, but I do think an investigation is in order, and I do think you have to stop equating people who have a problem with Sam Adams lying with Jesus freaks

  19. perhaps the jesus freaks are the only ones who care enough to show up. i’m bothered by the lies, but not enough to protest. i’m not even sure i’d want him to resign. i’ll have to think about it. i’m pretty sure i wouldn’t go to a rally supporting him though.

  20. I sincerely hope he takes after Barney Frank and resists the calls from the homophobes. It’s time to stand up to these bigots. Keep that mayorship damnit!

  21. Politicians who lie are indefensible.

    I am not a Jesus freak.

    Demand better. There’s no way you’d rally to his defense if the 18 year old was a girl.

    I sort of enjoy people seeing who you really are. This is not good for your credibility Dan. It’s pathetic.

  23. Well Dan, hope you went shopping at Saks with the rest of the Alist gays who gathered here in PDX after the rally …we gays who have to work and pay our bills couldn’t just scoot down to the DT..by train, or bike, or BMW convertible. Sam is a experienced politician, he knew this was wrong, (To lie, to claim to mentor, to foillow your penis not your brain), yeah he was totally schooled by the social climbing Beau…he could have stopped this months ago and came clean…he didn’t admit anything til cornered…Dan, you are such a smart reasonable guy, I just don’t get you….

  24. I think it’s good that you are defending him, but I have a hard time personally sticking up for someone that I don’t trust. I would feel embarrassed If I defended Adams only to have it come out that he did sleep with this kid before his birthday, which I think is likely. Why should I take what he said on faith despite him having a history of lying. When you lie, you lose the right of blind faith.

    Also, as a 40 y/o gay man, I’m sick of being associated with the stereotype that we are all chasing boys. Fuck him for that and for lying about it. I wouldn’t call for him to resign, but I won’t lose any sleep if he gets pushed out.

  25. SURE ITS FINE TO DEFEND A GAY WHITE MAN WHEN HE IS MAINSTREAM AND HAS HIS BOYTOY BUT WHAT IF THIS HAD HAPPENED TO A DYKE OF SIZE OR A SELF-ACTUALIZED QUEER NOT MUCH JUST UNDER THE BUS LIKE OBAMA AND CO AS LONG AS THE GAY WHITE MAN IGNORES THE REST OF THE FQTBLG COMMUNITY WE ARE ALL BEAU BREADLOVES

  28. A different reason why bicyclists might not want a mayor swimming in a sea of lies: corruption makes drivers drive worse.

    One of the most striking cases is Belgium and the Netherlands. They are virtually identical in per capita GDP, but in Belgium the traffic fatality rate is more than twice as high as the Netherlands […] An answer of sorts may be found in another kind of index, one that more or less aligns with the GDP but often diverges in interesting ways: corruption. According to indices complied by the ant-corruption watchdog Transparency International, the Netherlands was ranked number nine in 2006, while Belgium appeared much farther down the list, at number twenty.

    What does this have to do with traffic? […] Less effective governance means that laws are less effective, which means that people are less likely to follow them.

    From Tom Vanderbilt’s Traffic, of course, pages 234-5.

  30. Yeah, whoever up there who said that the lie-haters probably aren’t going to show up to a string-him-up meeting is absolutely right. I’m not about to go to a rally because the lies infuriated me so much. But just because the people at said rally might be more upset about the sex doesn’t mean that’s true of everyone who’s criticizing Adams right now.

    Grrr. Must give up on this topic. I just hate the way you’re lumping all the people who don’t agree with you into a big camp of prudish bigots.

  33. I’m still laughing at Dan’s imagery of the “cherry” tree — I have this fabulous vision of Sam taking Beau’s maidenhead. Plus the whole “got wood” thing from the tree, and you have a metaphor (or whatever this structure is called) that works on so many levels.

    Beautiful. Just Beau-tiful.

    Thank you.

  34. Hang in there Dan Savage, you had your critics when you openly supported Mayor Jim West in Spokane too when he lied about pursuing an 18 year old boy.

  35. @ 21 Every politician lies, it’s unavoidable. In fact creative lying is a de facto definition of a politician, and usually they lie about policy issues and legislation (i.e. stuff that may actually affect your life). Are you really going to tell me that the mayor and the parks dept. didn’t know the south lake union park project wasn’t going to cost the tax payers several millions more than they told everyone it would? And then for the city council to say they were “outfoxed” by vulcan is just dumb. Most likey city council members knew or suspected the figues weren’t reliable but they approved the deal anyway. Those are real tax dollars they lied about that mean your favorite homeless charities are not getting several million dollars or whatever. But no one is asking for the mayor or other city officials to resign, are they? While sam adams made a very poor choice in having the relationship in the first place and further poor choices in how he denied it, I’d rather have a politician lying about his sexual relationships tha about policies and spending. But people seem to be the other way – they get bent out of shape when a politiician lies about his sex life and can’t be bothered to say anything when they lie about what they’re doing with your tax dollars.

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