Secret Republican Susan Hutchison won handily in the King
County executive race. She racked up more than 107,764 votes in the
primary (the number as of press time, with more votes still to
count)—a whopping 20,000-vote lead over Dow Constantine, who came
in second place. But now that Hutchison and Constantine have advanced
to the general election, Hutchison has a problem: The numbers
aren’t on her side for November. Hutchison’s Democratic
challengers—Ross Hunter, Fred Jarrett, Larry Phillips, and
Constantine—collected 199,647 votes. In other words, if all the
Democratic votes go to Constantine, he wins big. No wonder Hutchison
doesn’t want anyone to know she’s a Republican. (Phillips is a
close second for “biggest loser” in the King County executive race: He
spent more money than anyone, mostly on those television ads with him
wearing shades, and he came in fourth.) Jonah
Spangenthal-Lee
Holy fucking shit: It’s still hard to believe that four days after
the primary, Mayor Greg Nickels stood in front of a crowd of reporters
at City Hall, his voice shaking, and admitted defeat. Despite
raising hundreds of thousands of dollars on the campaign
trail—and slapping around Mike McGinn on his anti-tunnel
message and unleashing an attack ad on Joe
Mallahan—Nickels came in third, meaning he’s not going on to
the general election. True, he entered the race with comically low
approval ratings, following a series of high-profile attacks on the
nightlife industry, the deeply felt loss of the Sonics, and several
screw-ups in the police and transportation departments under his watch.
But he has a national profile, a reputation for being green, and big
accomplishments under his (big) belt, like light rail. Nickels
choking back tears as he conceded was the most surprising moment
in Seattle politics in recent memory. Jonah Spangenthal-Lee
The two candidates for mayor, Mike McGinn and Joe
Mallahan, have made their campaign platforms clear: McGinn wants to
save us all from an expensive tunnel and Mallahan wants to “ideate”
plans to run the city more like a business (or something). But, even
though the police chief reports to the mayor, neither candidate appears
to have studied a vital issue in a growing city with a rising crime
rate: public safety. During The Stranger‘s endorsement
interview, Mallahan seemed baffled by questions about cops, staring
blankly when asked about the police department’s sweeping 2007
nightlife raids, and later spitting out a generic answer about
understaffing in the department. And McGinn has flatly refused to
answer substantive questions about the city’s gang plan. Mallahan has
added several talking points about increased police hiring and
gang-unit expansion to his repertoire, but both he and McGinn still
seem woefully uninformed on public-safety issues. Jonah
Spangenthal-Lee
Whomph, whomph, whomph… Sorry, just a second while I take this
giant wad of plastic out of my mouth. What the fuck? Are you
trying to kill me? It’s not your fault the American Chemistry Council
duped you. It spent $1.4 million on illogical mailers and
misleading advertisements to make you believe that 20 cents per
disposable bag is a nanny-state travesty. Well, guess what? I’m the
ocean. I don’t have $1.4 million. Now more plastic is going to flow
into me and into my Great Pacific Garbage Patch—a Texas-sized
whirlpool of plastic bits that get eaten by adorable sea
creatures and poison them. I wish I could’ve run my own spendy
campaign against the plastic industry. But sorry, I’m fresh out of sand
dollars (because they fucking died of plastic poisoning, you dicks) 
.
The Ocean
we are dicks, ocean.