Auction Block: Matthew Stafford heads NFL draft, Hawks grab Curry.

Somebody Owes Me Money, Pigs (Virus) Can Fly: Swine flu reaches New Zealand.

Aren’t We Jumping the Gun A Bit?: President’s approval rating high after the first 7% of term.

Cue TV Land Marathon: Bea Arthur, dead at 86.

Because Everywhere Else In The World, Mob Rule Is Scary: HIV activists in Senegal threatened to become fish food.

It’s Over, Cue the Violins: WA. legislators ok two-year budget after shedding much blood, sweat, tears, and 4 billion.

And You Said It Wasn’t Safe… Oh Wait, You’re Right: Man shot after supposed altercation on metro bus.

Do Squatters Have A Bill Of Rights?: Local foreclosures triple in past two years.

Ohio College Relaxes By Drinking, Chilling, Setting Fires Around Town: Kent State has riot police called out during annual College Fest.

Does Costco Carry Bunkers Along With Their Bulk Tuna?: Food shortages cited as grave threat to world stability.

It’s Official, Real Men Eat Real Meat: Study finds that too much tofu interferes with testosterone levels.

16 replies on “The Morning News”

  1. Since you’re on a Muppets song kick, don’t forget the best one: Rainbow Connection. Kinda sappy, I know, but kinda sweet, hopeful and wonderful as well.

  2. Another Muppets request: the Yip Yip aliens. They frightened me more than they should have as a kid but now they’re awesome.

  3. Sorry to be Buzz Killington, but we should call up the national guard, suspend all air travel, seal the borders, and aggressively attempt to isolate the six known outbreaks here in the US. At least for a few days, until we know how virulent the disease is in Mexico, and how virulent it is here in the US.

    If it turns out that the disease is less virulent than the initial data from Mexico suggests, than we can go about our business. If it really kills 80 / 1300, we have a catastrophic health crisis. And the fact that it hasn’t been as lethal here in the US? We’ve only seen something like 20 patients so far, far too few to make any judgements. Plus, if the Feds knew that a lethal pandemic was starting, are you *sure* they wouldn’t just lie to us & the press at first, to try to buy some time and prevent panic?

  8. Wait, isn’t “real meat” the source of a major flu epidemic right now?

    Also, and isn’t “real meat” the one responsible for cancer of the liver, prostate, bowel and colon, as well as breast cancer?

    The article never once recommends that people consume meat as an alternative to tofu, it mostly states that highly processed soy products can be hazardous in large quantities much like any highly processed product, including meat.

  12. @5: Absolutely righ. Yet another Stranger FAIL. I mean come on Alex, I know it’s hard to get work done while you are blowing Savage, but this is ridiculous — you didn’t even have to read the whole thing, just the headline.

  14. No, you idiots.
    The sentence clearly says that the man was shot after an altercation on the bus. The altercation was on the bus, not the shooting.
    Alex got it right.
    You just can’t read.

  15. As if too much meat can’t lead to anything abnormal, or even unhealthy. By the way, humanity has been too testosterone-driven anyways, for many centuries now.
    “It isn’t easy being green,” even in a city as supposedly liberal as Seattle. which is full of people who eat unhealthy shit all the time, from questionable sources (just look at how popular Dick’s is) but looooove talking about how unhealthy it is to be vegetarian, or especially vegan. I’m sure the annual meat-hedon/fuck-the-vegetarians issue of the Stranger is right around the corner. ironic, since the Stranger also takes a stand against global warming

  16. @15:

    but looooove talking about how unhealthy it is to be vegetarian…

    The Scarecrow is your favorite Wizard of Oz character, am I right? Because you have a thing for strawmen?

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