In Case You Just Woke Up From a Coma: Michael Jackson is dead. So is Farrah Fawcett.

This Should End Well: Kentucky pastor invites congregation to bring guns to church.

Snoutpocalypse Now: Feds estimate 1 million cases of swine flu in the US.

Does This Mean They Own Any Video Rights? South Carolina Gov. Sanford’s Argentinian trysts were financed by, you guessed it, taxpayers.

Ruling: Judge denies request to release names of Seattle City Light Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning and Friends Club members.

Rough Birth: State Department of Corrections sued for shackling inmate in labor.

NBA News: Clippers take Blake Griffin with first draft pick, Shaq Diesel to team up with King James next season.

Weird War II: Declassified documents show Allies were developing weapons of mass dartstruction.

The Revolution Will Be Youtubeized: Since iPhone 3GS release, Youtube uploads have increased 400 percent per day.

Jonah Spangenthal-Lee: Proving you wrong since 1983.

14 replies on “The Morning News”

  1. “We’ll release only the names of those who benefited financially from this group.”

    “That’s insufficient. I want alllll the names.”

    “Wait, so what is this about?”

    “I want to send them flyers. And chick tracts.”

  2. I don’t see how the gun-carrying congregation in Kentuky is any different than gun-carrying religious militias in Iraq and Afghanistan. I mean, the Kentucky pastor isn’t inciting violence yet, but that seems like a logical next step. The stunt seems less an assertion of rights and more an attempt to demonstrate force.

  3. @5: They’ve been floating this for years, ever since “made in china” started appearing in little gold ovals on the bottom of the tacky crap we line our bookshelves and toychests with.

    Monday, the news story will be that they are unsure if they want to buy american debt. And then they’ll buy more american debt.

  4. The allies AND the axis both worked on tons of crazy weapons and shit during WWII.

    Japan had a plan to implant tiny bombs inside bats, who would then fly to the U.S.

    The U.S. was going to make an enormous aircraft carrier out of a giant iceberg.

    Most of the stuff never made it off the drawing board, but there were lots of cool ideas.

  5. Slight correction: YouTube *mobile* uploads increased 400%, not YouTube uploads in general. That would be an astronomical amount of traffic.

  6. oh and @11 – one of my friends was toying with the idea of all of the non-gay employees joining the club just to in your face this assault on her privacy rights guaranteed by the state constitution …

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