Pro-Bailout Group Declares Victory in Greece: The conservative New Democracy party took 30 percent of the vote, beating the anti-austerity Syriza party by 3 percent. The markets rallied briefly, but now everything is shitty again.
Muslim Brotherhood Military Declares Victory in Egypt: The Islamist group snagged a win in Egypt’s first contested election, but not before the military drafted a new constitution that guts the president’s power, realizing fears that the nascent democracy will not be allowed to develop.
Heat Declare Victory in Miami: LeBron led the Heat to a 91-85 win over the Oklahoma City Thunder last night, giving them a 2-1 lead in the series.
Simpson Declares Victory in San Francisco: Webb Simpson won the U.S. Open yesterday, and Tiger Woods barely showed up.
Drivers Declare Victory in Washington: AAA reports that the average gallon of gas in Washington has dipped below $4, though in the Seattle-Bellevue-Everett area it remains at $4.03 as of this morning.
Bad Journalism on Trial: The Washington News Council put KIRO TV’s Chris Halsne on “trial” Saturday morning in response to an inaccurate and damaging story about a Leschi Elementary School janitor, Eli Sanders reports.
You Drive a Hard Bargain: The Taliban announced that until the US ceases drone strikes in Pakistan, it will cease giving polio vaccines to children there.
G-20 Summit Meets Today: World leaders are congregating in Mexico and will discuss our terrible economy.
Gay Marriage Fundraising Looking Pretty Damn Good: Over $1 million has been raised to support gay marriage on the Washington ballot this fall, compared with only $120,000 raised to defeat it.
Internet Problems: Google reported an “alarming” rise in political censorship requests from governments over the last 6 months.
Bridge Over Troubled Lake to Land: Washington state is close to sealing the deal on a $320 million federal loan to complete the controversial “lake to land” portion of the 520 bridge rebuild.
Murder Suicide in Lacey: A man shot and killed his estranged wife and then himself after she came to drop the kids off Saturday, according to Thurston County police.
Some Good India News: Huge Indian pharmaceutical company Cipla has dramatically cut prices on cancer drugs in what its CEO describes as a “humanitarian move.”
Some Good Size-of-India News: Australia is working on the world’s largest marine park, which will be the size of India in total and will ban oil exploration and limit commercial fishing.