Communication: Pope removes excommunication of priest who denies Holocaust.

NIMBYs: Guantanamo detainees on American soil.

Obama: Delivers first weekly radio/youtube address.

All Obama: All the time.

“Frenzied attack” at nursery: Leaves two babies and one nurse dead.

Sam Adams: Will soon decide if he will resign as mayor of Portland.

Life in the UK: Is boring but happy.

Slumdogs don’t care: About Slumdog Millionaire.

Contemplating his own demise: Castro doesn’t plan on living to see Obama’s full term.

Robert L. Jamieson: Of the P-I thinks that response to fatal accident at monster truck show was “lame.”

Anti-tunnel option for viaduct: Initiative to be circulating soon.

600 dogs are rescued: 80% of them are pregnant. Gross.


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9 replies on “The Morning News”

  1. Adams told The Oregonian he has been consulting with his pastor and with his mentor, former Portland Mayor Vera Katz.

    I used to think I knew what a pastor did for you and what a mentor did for you, but now I feel have to ask for some clarification.

  2. Dear News Intern,

    In the US, they are called “child care workers”. Here, in the US, nurses take care of sick people.

    Sincerely,

    Your English Translation Service

  3. I would like to propose an initiative to get rid of the initiative process. This state is incapable of getting anything done because some crackpot doesn’t want to pay taxes or want to get their name in the paper.

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