Last month, Fox News decided to junk its long-running tagline “Fair and Balanced” for a new slogan, “Most Watched, Most Trusted”… and without even asking for our opinion! Here are some very suitable taglines that we think would be a much better fit. (You’re welcome, Fox News, and you owe us $150,000.)
“Over One Million Racist Grandpas Served”
“Cloying and Moist”
“Sean Hannity Is a Butthole”
“Groping Blindly for Something That Sounds Like Truth”
“Dangling Jowls, Racist Howls”
“We Set This Pile of Horseshit on Fire, and You Love It”
“The Broadcast Equivalent of Putting a Lawn Jockey in Front of Your House”
“Heyyy, We Have Those Same TruckNutz”
“Singlehandedly Keeping America’s Bow-Tie Industry Afloat Since 1996”
“Boys Will Be Boys”
“Don’t Check… Just Trust Us”
“We’re Totally Not Racist ;)”
“Wait… Are Women Allowed to Be Reporters?”
“The Future Home of State Media”
“The Muslims Are a-Comin’ for Your Applesauce!”
“Bill O’Reilly? Bill O’Reilly Who?”
“I Killed a Polar Bear with My Bare Hands”
“Fewer Harassers, Same Great Dog Whistles”
“Going to Start Using the N-Word Any Day Now”
“America’s Locker Room”
“We Have That One Gay Guy, So We’re Good… Right?”
” !”
“A Better Way to Lie”
“Ask Your Uncle, He Knows We’re Right”
“Cucks R Us”
“Blaming It on Obama Since 2008”
“News for Olds”
“Happily Fulfilling the Mission of Our Glorious Leader”
“Grabbing News by the Pussy”