Is a dom entitled to sex with her sub on her birthday, even if he doesn’t wanna?
In another sub call, a bondage-loving woman goes from aroused to totally freaked out in the blink of an eye. What went wrong?
What the heck is going on in Tonga?
What the fakelele?
Call us at 206-201-2720.
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Savage Love Episode 162
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Hey Dan (and the TSARY!) – I’m making my way through the podcast archives while knitting Christmas gifts, and thought I’d comment on something in this episode that made me crazy because it demonstrates a trend that is so common today. Your second to last caller, the guy living in Tonga with his wife, totally confused gender with sexuality! He asked you that since people in Tonga ascribe some male children with a female-like gender (fakaleiti), why can’t gay people be turned straight? I was surprised that you didn’t blow him out of the water, Dan! 🙂 Encouraging the adoption of the characteristics of a well-established, respected, integral third gender (who might have sexual contact with either men or women) is so not the same thing as trying to alter who one is sexually attracted to. Genders are not naturally divided along some spilt between man and woman, they are social constructs, as the fakaleiti demonstrate. Sexualities, on the other hand, are much more biologically driven – you can’t choose who you wanna fuck or who you fall in love with. This guy, like many other old straight white men would do, saw gender-queer and assumed sex-queer. Not the same thing, but the two very different aspects of identity are always confused and conflated. I was hoping you’d set him straight (haha, get it?) on that one, but no dice, so here’s my attempt at doing so. Thanks tons for your frequently hilarious, always realistic take on sex and politics.