A son is more than a little jealous that his dad has multiple orgasms, and prays that perhaps it’s genetic?
Research scientist and hymen expert Debby Herbenick confirms that *spoiler alert* the hymen does indeed exist.
You think you got it bad? At least YOU have a rectum…
And more.
206-201-2720
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does anyone know where you can find those be bras? google isnt very helpful
I can ‘cum twice’ without losing hardness. Personally, it’s not that special, I don’t think it’s really different than cumming once, waiting, and having sex again. I suspect more people can do it than they know about – it really helps to be having sex without a condom and be able to cum inside your partner; generally most folks in their twenties aren’t having this kind of sex unless they are married.
Anyway, the only way to find out is to basically to just keep humping someone once you cum inside them. If it works, great, if not, oh well – waiting isn’t so bad.
Comment #2 – it’s kind of weird that it’s “creepy” for a father to have open sexual talks with his adult(ish) son; but normal for a mother to have this talk with her college+ aged daughter. This is similar to to the sex-toy issue where it’s OK for women to openly own and use sex toys but not for men.
More fathers talking to their sons about sex can only be good for everyone! Bring up this issue and encourage it, Dan!
I think Dan was a little harsh on the woman who questioned whether the hymen was a myth. He made it sound as if she were completely unaware of her own body (and how could this be possible?) when she was simply questioning the cultural link between the hymen and virginity. Since it wasn’t her experience to bleed during first intercourse, the caller questioned the cultural myth that surrounds virginity and the hymen. I don’t think she was asserting that the hymen is a myth but that the hymen and virginity connection is a myth.
My experience with intercourse was similarly hymen free and comfortable. Yay.
So not to victim-blame – the dudes who reacted angrily to the caller with the childhood-surgery-related problems were being douchebags – but I can’t help but wonder if she waited to share this information until sex was already happening and turning out to be problematic, or at least until sex was already rapidly approaching. What the guys might have been expressing, it seems to me, was frustration related to surprise ulcerative colitis coitus interruptus. That doesn’t excuse being a jerk, but it might help to explain it.
That just means that being up-front, as Dan suggested, is important.
And as regards the multiple male orgasms thing, I’ve experienced that – have one and just keep going through two or even three. It’s not a usual thing; it’s happened to me (for me?) a handful of times.. I would be hard-pressed to explain how it was different from any other sexual encounter that didn’t turn out that way. I can affirm that it’s pretty fuckin’ great. I have no idea if having it happen a few times means I’m multiply orgasmic, or if it’s just the kind of thing that could happen to anyone under the right rare circumstances.
Hey Dan,
First caller wanting to meet a guy who cant have sex: I read an article about a dating site called 2date4love.com. Not sure if its for her, but it might be good to look into. It was started by a woman with cervical cancer, for people looking to meet others that cannot have sex but are interested in sexual intimacy
I’m concerned by the advice about the high school reunion. Open is one thing, open when there is a back-story or potential for significant emotional involvement can be another. The caller needs to explicitly decide with his GF what kind of outside sex partners are allowed. If she’s cool with old-flames and other emotional entanglements, fine. But he needs to check (no need to explain precisely why he’s asking now) or else the GF is going to be really hurt. The fact that he’s lying about it is kind of a red-flag that Dan missed.
As a sometime BE enthusiast, it is mind blowing to hear a cute young lady express an interest in it. Caller, you are a precious resource.
http://bootfox.com
I’m commenting to say that I’m one of the men that can have multiple ejaculations. I never really thought that it was a big deal, but you and your guest made it sound like it is.
It doesn’t always happen, but there are times when I have my orgasm and ejaculate, and I get really sensitive so I stop having sex for a while, and go through that period of going flaccid and having to wait to start up again. But if that strong sensation isn’t there, I just keep going, and I’ll ejaculate again when I orgasm. Back when I was younger and more naive, I would just keep going, but I had a scare with a condom breaking while it was full of spunk once, so I started stopping to switch ’em out, and it’s costly.
Like, I always thought this had to do with having a really short refractory period, but y’all made it sound like ejaculating again, along with the orgasm, is rare. Am I understanding this correctly?
With regrad to the woman with medical problems, why not connect to the asexual community?
I have also ejaculated 2 or 3 times in a row on rare occasion, but like others who have commented it is not a regular occurrence and I always just assumed it is something that anyone could do under the right circumstances. For me, those circumstances are A) if I have gone a lot longer than usual without sexual release or B) if I am just really turned on.
Ok, one thing I wondered about the woman with medical problems. She ID’d as bisexual. Why not try dating women? They’re less likely to find it an absolutely necessary condition of dating to insert things into orifices.
3 Comments:
1 – To the woman who cannot have penetration due to health problems: You said you are bisexual. Women do not have penises, and therefore you might want to consider that side of things. I assume mutual masturbation is not painful?
2 – To the gynecology expert: She mentioned that she thought that the reason why women such as her grandmother did not know about vulvas and clits and hymens was because “no one told them”. I am a man, and no one told me about dicks, or about vulvas either, but I was just curious so I looked them up and learned all about them. (way before sex ed). Therefore I don’t think “being told” is the correct explanation.
More info on the hymen/corona (contains possibly NSFWYW anatomical illustration of the vulva): http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/m…
Also, to the caller who can’t do penetrative intercourse: we’re in the middle of two wars (hard to remember sometimes, sadly). There are, tragically, any number of fit young men sustaining battle wounds that result in limits on sexual functioning that also preclude penetrative intercourse. For a terrible reason, the field is as wide open for you right now as it’s going to be!
@9: No, you’re right, it’s about having a refractory period that’s shorter than the time that a post-ejaculatory erection hangs around. The call, as I understood it, was about having a second orgasm w/o losing an erection.
I’m surprised no one mentioned cock rings: although preventing blood from draining out of the penis sketches me the fuck out, they’re pretty much designed to maintain erection
@10: She still likes partnered sex, which asexuals are (usually; there are the same category definition problems about defining “asexual” as with any other category) not interested in, pretty much by-definition (again, see above note).
Oh, and ditto on lots of stupid fucks of all genders and orientations who think fucking strangers w/o condoms is totally fine. You stupid fucks: you are why various STIs have become endemic to the human population instead of simply dying off. Wise up and use condoms.
Didn’t they use that feedback call from the guy talking about the girl who didn’t want to date anyone who ever used drugs/alchohol/look at porn etc. twice? The one where he’s saying he thinks she needs to work this out with a counselor? I think they used it at the end of episode 252 also…
The call and discussion about B.E. was fun and entertaining and interesting. It’d be fun to hear an all-kink episode sometime.
RUFKM… DTMFA!! To the girl in the monogomish relationship with the guy who can’t stop cheating on his previous girlfriends and then fucked the ONLY girl that you consider cheating… DTMFA.
Personal Experience… I was in a monogomish marriage for 17 years. The first time I threw out a veto he fucked her and I forgave him (eventually). The second time I threw out a veto he fucked her. He fucked her for two years in my bed while I took our kids to a regularly scheduled activity. We’d known this girl for 10 years before they fucked over and over again…since she was a 10 year old child. He fucked her BECAUSE she was off limits. DTMFA he’s not going to grow up… he’s not going to change. He’s going to fuck the next one that you veto. (IMHO)
I dated a quadriplegic guy who was great in bed. Sometimes he would get hard but had no control over it so we rarely had vaginal or anal sex.
We had lots of other great ways to play that were very satisfying. We found out I’m a big time squirter.
He had other spots on his body that would make him “cum”.
Date a quad guy!
To the girl with the childhood surgeries – while you’re searching for you dream guy, why not have some threesomes with couples? and have non-penetrative sex?I know that my partner and I would have no problem with that and you mentioned that you were bisexual… maybe try that out while you’re waiting for Mr. or Ms. right?
A thing that crossed my mind when hearing Dan ask “How is it that a girl can grow up without knowing about her own genitals?”:
A lot of it is biology. You can look down and see your penis, you can move your testicles around, etc. With a vulva though… you can’t see it on your own. You’d have to have a very flexible spine to actually be able to see your own hymen without a mirror. And the act of actually grabbing a mirror to look… that could make it weirder. It makes it less casual. And it’s not as convenient to do so many probably just don’t.
Oh my gosh… I’m the girl with ulcerative colitis. The thing I failed to mention was that I always mention my medical problems before becoming sexually involved. They always say it’s OK at first but once we’ve been together once it is no longer enough. I don’t have a colostomy bag anymore. I have a J-pouch now and the abdominal pain comes from the large amount of scar tissue all over my abdomen. All the pressure and movement makes it extremely painful, particularly in missionary.
Dan, I teared up a little at your kind words and I thank you so much. I will hold on tight and do my best to find my match.
Oh and I forgot one other thing – the issue about my rectum. When I was around 17 I had my J-pouch already in and was feeling good when I suddenly began bleeding profusely. After an incorrect diagnosis of Pouchitis that sent me to the ER with a hemocrit of 4.3 they discovered I had cuffitis, meaning what little was left of my rectum from my previous operations was still riddled with disease. I then had a pouch advancement where they essentially attached my j-pouch directly to my anus, thus I have no rectum. The doctor was very kind and very honest for a pediatric G.I. surgeon and told me up front that anal sex was out of the question as it would most certainly cause massive amounts of tearing and bleeding.
As to my experiences with women, the scar tissue makes sex with girls hard too. All of the movement and pressure, especially if she is above me can hurt terribly. They’re typically nicer about it though 2 have been frightened away by my surface scars (a small 2 inch one on the left of my stomach where my stoma once was and a large one along my bikini line).
The three way idea does sound fun… How would I go about meeting couples who wouldn’t mind my limitations?
You need to find someone “whose damage links up with your own”
I have always thought that I needed to find someone who was damaged enough to understand me. Broken was out of the question. I never wanted to waste my time with broken, but I have always seen a certain amount of damage as an asset.
Sometimes I have difficulty explaining this idea to friends. I have never actually heard anyone else say this out loud before.
Thanks Dan.
#23: What types of sex CAN you do? Man on top is bad, Woman on top is bad, how about side by side, man or woman? Does it hurt for someone to finger you? Can you be kissed on the tits? Have you tried these things?
Farewell to Tim LaFollette of the Popovers, who perform the Savage Lovecast theme song that opens and closes every podcast episode. I just learned today that, unfortunately, LaFollette succumbed to ALS:
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
Thanks to Tim and the other Popovers for reminding us that there’s nothing we can’t ask on the Savage Lovecask! 🙂
kitty_cal: Let me second the recommendation to look for Ms. Right. In addition to a broader idea of what constitutes sex, more women than men are feminists who have thought about medical issues and disability. I’d also second the recommendation to make a dating site profile where you’re upfront about your needs. I’m a bi trans woman, which is a deal-breaker for a hell of a lot of people, especially straight men. But those people just move right past me, leaving only people who are okay with me. I have to admit I have still run into one guy who freaked out only once we were in bed, which was no fun. But for the most part it’s an effective filter.
Taking another tack, do you masturbate? What works? That might help you figure out what you can and can’t do with a partner.
Kitty_Cal, sounds like you’ve been as up-front as anyone could reasonably ask for. I’m sorry you’ve met so many arseholes.
That said, Dan is right; don’t lose hope! And especially, if you think threesomes with appropriately sensitive people could be fun for you, bloody well go for it and have the time of your life! Dating websites specifically for people who want to hook up might be ideal, and you can disclose what you need to about your limitations in a way that stops insensitive types from getting involved.
I don’t know if you consider yourself disabled, but even if you don’t, there are dating websites specifically for people with disabilities, designed so that people can meet others who understand what having limitations is like, and who are GGG about working with what their partner has, rather than what they want them to have.
Google disabled dating and you’ll turn up DOZENS of places that might work out for you.
@27 I have thought about trying to maybe explore an open relationship with another woman. I am typically a one and one person myself but I think maybe having a girlfriend who also has my OK to have sex with other girls (as long as I can veto any skeezers) sounds like a good solution. I honestly don’t think that would be entirely manageable with a guy but maybe my experiences have made me a little distrustful of men… Thanks so much for the suggestions!
@28 Your words are so kind and I appreciate it so much. I never really thought of myself as disabled before but maybe that’s an avenue for meeting women who also have physical ailments and will be able to understand where I am coming from. Thanks so much and I’ll go google it right away!
I am honestly very touched at not only Dan’s warm hearted response but the general response of the Savage Love community. I have never met any group of people who were so kind and understanding. I had almost given up hope of ever finding anyone but I feel more confident now that I have a new vantage point and direction.
Whoa… super weird to hear your own voice on the podcast! I’m the monogomish girl with the bf who cheated…
To #18: I’m sorry husband cheated and thank you for the warning. If my man turns out to be a MF who can’t stop with the cheating, I will bail. And even before Dan’s answer I’d told him so. That said, I believe people make mistakes, and I believe that change is hard but not impossible. We’ll see how it goes… pretty much everything else in the this relationship is exceeding my expectations and changing my life for the better; it’s worth the gamble to see if he can come with me on this journey.
On a related note, the unexpectedly marvelous thing about having my call answered by Dan is finding that I’d already found the answers he provided, during my own couple weeks of soul searching. The BF and I had talked through the importance of having vetos and I’d pushed him to understand how badly he’d broken my trust. And we’re better now. Not perfect, but better. This Savage Love Podcast is damn good stuff. After a couple years of listening, I feel competent to manage the difficult shit in my relationships and make choices based on my own values, limits, and desires. Dear Dan, you’re doing such great work.
@fetish, who said: “More fathers talking to their sons about sex can only be good for everyone! Bring up this issue and encourage it, Dan!“
Well said, fetish. I agree wholeheartedly. I hope Dan will see your point here.
Primarily because “medical issue” does not necessarily equal “asexual”. Lack of access to sex doesn’t mean there’s a lack of interest. As a person with medical issues I find the attitude of many asexuals annoying. They’re trying to hard to explain why they aren’t having sex.
I try not to explain to anyone that I’m not having sex. People think I’m strange enough I don’t need additional comments about my sexuality. Sex would be nice but I’m mostly not interested in doing what I need to do to get it. It’s lame but I’m not up to taking the risk of finding out I am actually that ‘icky’ just to get my rocks off. With my condition getting someone to touch me long enough to cut my hair without them going “eeewww” was stress inducing enough. If my hairdresser ever retires I’m totally screwed.
Dan’s answer was very sweet, very honest and very, very hard to hear because it’s totally the truth.
Another option for the breast expansion woman. Perhaps she could talk dirty about a hypothetical scenario? I have fantasies involving power play and stuff, which I do not even want to act out, because it would not be sexy time in real life, not even for pretend. But during sex, I’ll talk about a hypothetical scenario with my boyfriend. “If we were in a nightclub right now, you would do xyz to me.” I don’t feel turned off that xyz isn’t really happening, because I’m not imagining it in our beds. I’m imagining it in a nightclub.
This is an issue my boyfriend went through but I found this system online that helped our sex life out. Made things so much easier… here it is. http://9f98dzp2k3k99p3kp7khn93m0s.hop.cl…
Hope it helps you as much as it helped us!
Anne
To the 20yearold girl who had Colitis and had her colon removed and can’t have anal or vaginal sex…you might be able to. I’m not sure if you still have a colostomy bag (and this advice might not help if you do) but my boyfriend had his colon removed when he was just a little older than you were and he bottoms regularly.
He does three things:
He douches before anal
He doesn’t eat a huge/fiber filled meal hours before sex
He takes an Imodium(I think?) to slow down his stomach (for him it is the pressure that causes pain)
And some nights it just isn’t going to happen, regardless of his preventative measures, so we just don’t do it! And it’s no big deal to either of us at all. My heart goes out to you but don’t lose hope! I believe that you will one day find someone who appreciates the amount of effort you put into to having a healthy sex life and understands (and doesn’t even care!) when sex is put on hold for a night.