Dan speaks with cancer physician and researcher Dr. Ted Teknos about the HPV vaccine.
A GGG married woman acts out a cuckolding fantasy for her husband, and discovers that she likes it an awful lot. He- not so much. Can she make it work, or is it doomed to be a failed experiment?
And finally, prepare to have your tears jerked, folks. Dan speaks with the kid from episode 266 who was struggling with coming out to his conservative Christian family over the holidays. If you know anyone in this situation, let them listen to the tender conversation that follows.
Call us. Make us cry.
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Comment on this episode at www.thestranger.com/lovecast
To the 19 year old newly-out man, I’m sending holiday wishes of love and joy to you, because you need to know that you are accepted by many people. People out there are willing to love and comfort you through this tough time.
I’m still kinda confused why you kept using cuckolding in referencing to the troilism call. It was stated from the beginning that humiliation wasn’t part of the fantasy.
Regards to the risk of throat cancer from HPV and marijuana smoking. I’m wondering if the risk differs by the manner you smoke marijuana. Might the use of a vaporizer reduce the risk. I don’t smoker marijuana, but I have friends who do. Of course the is always pot brownies.
Hi Dan,
I recently had a Facebook fight with my old Catholic youth group leader about homosexuality, it was nice to see someone else ask where all the love has gone from religion these days. When you encouraged that young man to continue to love his parents, to show them the love and acceptance they refuse to give him I was really encouraged. Encouraged that God is working to change hearts and minds and has wonderful people like you spreading the Good News! And to the young man struggling, God is crazy about you and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Oh and on a side note as I am a 38 year old mother of two who is not up on all the lingo can you please tell me what GGG means? Everytime someone says it on your podcast I’m like what the hell does that mean!!!!
@4: GGG stands for “good, giving and game.”
Nice post.
Well, I guess I’m getting throat cancer. And cervical cancer. That will go nicely with my skin and lung cancer. Why is everything fun so bad for you? That conversation, though enlightening and informative, was incredibly depressing. The doctor basically said that for those of us who are too old to be vaccinated (I think I missed the cut-off by one year when I got my health insurance) oral sex is basically like playing Russian Roulette. Oh how I wish I’d been born in a different time period. When you didn’t have to cover yourself in rubber and fear other people’s genitalia. When having sex was natural and normal and not something to wring your hands about. Anyway, just venting. The fact that marijuana was thrown in was especially sad. As Dan said, you have to weigh the risks with the rewards. A life without dick sucking and weed is a life not worth living.
@6: “A life without dick sucking and weed is a life not worth living.”
Nicely put. Have it on a bumper sticker and you’ll get a lot of both. If you want.
Kiddo, wish I knew you so I could have you over for Christmas with us. Your call made me cry, had to go over and hug my bisexual daughter home from school for Xmas. Keep your eyes open for that substitute mom, – she’s out there – and here’s hoping your own mom comes around before too long.
In the conversation with the doctor about HPV and throat cancer, why exactly did no one ever bring up that women can get tested for HPV? Certainly, that’s not going to help gay men, but I’m sure a lot of straight men would greatly appreciate knowing whether their sex partners have HPV before going down on them.
Also to the 19-year old, I just wanted to let you know that even though I don’t know you, I am proud of you. It takes a great man to take a stand and speak the truth even when it may be painful and uncomfortable. Even though it may not feel like it now, I know your life and the lives of everyone around you will be made better by your decision to live honestly. And know that for every inconsiderate or hurtful comment your parents may make in ignorance there is a stranger who accepts and supports you.
Dan, you’re doing such a great job… This kid will be happier and, hopefully his family will come around because of your words right now… You have a place in Heaven.
Merry Holidays
@#10…..well stated & to that young man…..there are a shitload of us out here in the universe who understand where you are….having been there too. In college, I was pretty religious…but also aware of & coming to terms with my sexuality. Something that helped me (for me) at that time was in a book (I think it was titled “The Way of the Wolf”) the phrase has stuck with me….well into my middle ages and far beyond my Catholic upbringing…
“God made me just the way that I am,
I turned out just right,
but I’ll say it again,
in case I forget,
and strange as that seems….
I might.”
You are a strong and awesome human being. Your life holds so much promise & experiences that you cannot even begin to imagine. You are loved, understood & accepted by total strangers. Eventually, I’d be willing to bet that your family will come around. Hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later.
Hearing Dan tell you to find your own Judy Savage, triggered so much emotion in me…..believe in yourself & know that there is a family of choice for you out in the world. We all have a biological family…and if we seek it out, we also have a plain old logical family too.
I like the idea of “love bombs.” Take a page from the MLP fandom playbook: http://bayimg.com/oAlAjAaDI
@9: Of course, all those straight men could just get vaccinated… (I know the vaccine isn’t recommended for persons who are already sexually active, but given that the HPV infection rate is a LIFETIME rate and many people clear the virus and there are multiple cancer-causing strains, all of which Gardasil prevents, EVERYONE should get vaccinated against HPV, if they have health insurance to offset the cost.)
The wife whose husband gave her a free pass and then had second thoughts about it… I suspect that they didn’t talk to each other very much about what exactly was and wasn’t allowed, how he saw it happening, as opposed to what ended up being interesting for her. Apparently the husband — as oh so many kinksters — that things would only happen as he saw them in his mind. Dan is entirely right when he says they need to have a non-horny conversation about it.
The wife clearly doesn’t want to leave the husband, so it seems that his fear of losing her — the insecurities that grew as he saw how much she actually enjoyed it (meaning the fear that she liked it so much she might not want him so much anymore). As with any insecure person: how can you make him/her feeel sure that there really is no reason for the fear — that there really is no monster in the closet, or under the bed? It’s really a work of patience and love.
Of course, given the circumstances, this is very difficult… because every time she says she is committed to him, but she would like ‘to go there again’, it will be sooo easy for him to see this as a contradiction… to wonder if she’s lying about the former in order to get the latter. My guess is: if this ever works, it will take a looong time.
My heart goes out for the young gay man who has to deal with his conservative family. He is really in a difficult situation, with his heart torn apart in all directions. It is a time in which he will have to show strength and compassion for his family and their weakness, and hope that in the end they will grow. God is on his side. I really wish him the best of luck.
I wanted to give support to the young man rejected by his family. I’m 54 and when I told my family at 21 years old the biggest problem was because of religion. I was already on my own, but family was important to me and I didn’t want to live a lie when I was with them. Later my Sister did ask me not to spend time with my niece because of religious reasons and a fear that her loving me might cause problems for her with God. This was a horrible experience and makes me feel I can somewhat relate to his rejection. I think Dan’s advice to continue to love and interact with your family as best you can is good. My Sister and her husband did apologize many years later and people do change. And even if the don’t, it doesn’t mean you can’t find love and family somewhere else. Hang in there. My heart is with you.
Much love to the newly-out gay man and everyone else who is in his situation this holiday season. There is love and support for all of you out here in the world. Stay strong and you will come through it.
That was such a nice call to the newly-out 19 year old. It might hurt to stand your ground at 19, but it hurts more to fake everything. I’m not gay, but I’m also not conservative. I only wish I had known how to stand up for myself and for my own values/morals, when I was only 19. I didn’t have the strength to go it on my own w/o financial help for school, etc.
Fast forward years later, due to the recession and a few career mishaps I’m living at home at almost 35. It’s completely miserable, b/c all this time, instead of being myself I’ve looked to my parents and friends for approval for so many years without even realizing it. I have less independence now then I did when I was 19.
To anyone who is wondering if they should stand their ground when they’re young, just do it even though it hurts a lot. Pull the bandaid off and find your family of choice. Don’t let anyone convince you that their way is the only way. Even if you have to be broke and poor and barely getting by or give up on grad school, just making your own life for yourself without having to get Mom/Dad’s approval is worth it. Making your own choices is worth more than having a paid education, particularly in a world where a college degree often yeilds very little opportunity.
Dan was so right when he said that you have to be the Christian that they aren’t capable of being. Love your enemy, yet don’t give into their unrealistic and cruel demands. Also, recognize that sometimes your well-meaning friends and family really are your enemy, even if they don’t mean to be. You can still love them and disagree with their judgments. It just takes a lot of time and healing to clear the hurdle.
Good information from the Doctor.
(((((huge hugs for the kid from 266)))) Hang in there!
Listening to the heartbreaking story with the 19 year old and the insane dogma that his parents are using to discriminate against him reminded me of this wonderful documentary I just saw called “Fish Out Of Water”. I’m not sure his parents would watch it but it spells out what the Bible was saying and how it’s been taken out of context for people’s own prejudices. I’m so sorry for what he is going through. It’s so disgusting when families are willing to forsake their own in the name of religion. Makes me so angry.
Dan- While it’s sweet of you and your panty twisted respondent to be concerned about the kids pain after multiple previous suicide attempts you are perpetuating a myth.
Suicides are NOT more prevalent during the holidays:
http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/su…
However the desire for family connection DOES increase, which is why it is the BEST time for him to stand strong and use that desire to lever his parents minds open. Rather than giving him a pass for slinking back into the closet because he’d be “particularly vulnerable” you should have encouraged him to be louder and more forceful because he was in fact particularly powerful.
Stories like the 19 year old guy’s make me stop and be so appreciative of my family. My parents love and accept me & my boyfriend, and were so excited that he was coming to spend the holidays at their home. Probably more excited that he was there than me even 😉
It breaks my heart when I hear tales from other gay, lesbian, bi, and transgendered people about how their families disowned them. Dan is absolutely right – you can make your own family. If your blood relatives can’t love you for who you are, find your TRUE family!
As the 19 year old guy from this episode…thank you. All of you for your support. It means so much more than you know..
Dan, I heard the bit in #270 about religious law and being gay. Isn’t it ironic that women are commanded to be lesbians? The key phrase in the Jewish-Christian canon of Leviticus states: “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.” When read literally (as fundie-bigots often love to do), it commands a woman to lie with a woman, as it would be an abomination to lie with a man. Sadly, our species will be toast if many women obey the Jewish-Christian law.