Michael Jackson moved me, all right—all the way to page
10D!
Ten fucking D!
You know what? Someone up there—I mean, someone up
here—must really hate my fucking guts. Ever since Charlie’s
Angels, I have struggled to be paid the goddamn respect I deserve. Do
you think it’s easy propping up the lust of an entire generation with
only a one-piece swimsuit and professionally feathered hair? IT IS
NOT.
Three years ago, I come down with anal cancer. (ANAL CANCER. I told
you someone up here hates my guts.) Anyway, I fight against this
fucking disease for three fucking years and hold on as long as I can
and seek alternate treatments and go on TV to buck up other cancer
victims and amaze my friends with my bravery and tenacity and then my
body finally gives out and I die. And while it sucks to be dead, at
least I know I’ll be memorialized up what’s left of my wazoo—AP
stories, prominent obituaries, the full Larry King treatment.
BUT NO. Michael Jackson—that freaky little attention
whore—has to drop dead on the SAME FUCKING DAY, taking my dreams
of posthumous respect with him. He gets the giant, full-color picture
on the front page of USA Today. His obit starts on the cover. What do I
get? A box on the upper right-hand corner directing people to my
obit—which begins on page fucking 10 of section fucking D! And
guess what else? There’s a box on the upper left-hand corner of USA
Today. Who got that box? MICHAEL FUCKING JACKSON.
I can’t fucking win. Honestly, I would go up and slap the white off
that bitch’s faces if I could. But I can’t. BECAUSE HE’S NOT UP HERE.
Someone go tell that to all the weeping fatties who seem to think that
a string of hits in the ’80s excuses a string of sex crimes in the
’90s. That’s right, I said it: He raped kids. HE DID IT. You know he
did it. And we can say it now because you can’t libel the dead,
fuckers, and that goes double if the person doing the libeling is dead
herself!
Oh, shit. Gotta run. Aaron Spelling just saw me. How the fuck did he
get in here? 
Who wrote this? I’m guessing Lindy by the LIBERAL use of CAPS. Thought you had more class than this.
I’m French, and this looks smart, class and funny to us.
Whoever wrote this is my favorite!
Whoever wrote this is my favorite!
Oh god, you KNOW it’s true!
There’s no evidence Farrah was some kind of megalomaniac obsessed with fame or anything. If you’re not a fan of hers, cool, either was I. But disrespecting somebody who just died of cancer right after they died is not only distasteful, but kinda just makes YOU look like the one who’s the attention seeking whore!
I love insult comics and sarcastic humor as much as the next guy, but everyone needs to have an asshole line they don’t cross. You probably think you’re just sooo punk rock, huh? Humorless twit…
Grow up, get some class and stop picking the corpses of people you don’t know like a journalistic vulture! Asshole…
@ 6, get a sense of humor will ya? This does NOT cross the asshole line. Only some uptight asshole thinks it does.
It’s the Stranger, folks.
If you’re not being a total douche to someone, it’s NOT FUNNY.
If you’re going to be a total douche and make fun of an old lady painfully dying of anal cancer, it better be witty and funny at least, that’s all I’m saying.
It reads like something you’d find crumpled up in a wastepaper basket in the offices of TMZ.
You know, Farrah, black men beat white women to the vote, to Congress, to the presidency. Get used to it — eternity is hell.
I was just thinking this, as much as I love Mikey, couldn’t he have waited a week (shit, a day) to overdose??? Taking away all your lime light, I didn’t even know you died until the next day! I LOVE YOU FERRAH!
And #10, Would he reeeeally be considered a black male? Come on now!
I couldn’t care less about Farrah’s death–sorry; it’s sad but people die all the time from cancer, and her work means nothing to me.
But I get that her family must be cursing to themselves the coincidence of MJ’s death, so I get where this article was trying to go.. until I read the part about Michael raping kids. HOW COULD YOU WRITE THAT!? I’m sorry, but he DIDN’T. Did you watch the trial on TV with that little lying brat and the money-hungry mother? They were money-sucking dirtbags.
Sure, Michael was a little strange and wished he was still a child (or wanted to make all children happy, because he wasn’t, or something…) but I resent you saying he did something wrong as fact. ACQUITTED!!!!!
I find it ridiculous that every media outlet has something interesting and new to say about Michael or his death, and I come to the Stranger online and all of its articles just pisses me off. And THIS is supposed to be the best Seattle has to offer!? Guess not.