News flash, y’all: Pretty much everyone smokes pot. This ain’t your mother’s Folklife drum circle anymore. So toss your woven stoner poncho and that swirled glass bong that you think of as an “art piece,” and enjoy your dope like a person who isn’t trying to embarrass themselves. We’re here to help!

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...