"I've told potential sex partners about it, and almost all still want to have sex…" because they hate to lose that $30 and besides they are packing way nastier.
badaboom!
Seriously promiscuous sex is unhealthy and spreads diseases despite so called safe sex practices but who cares?
We survived one STD Plague.
AmIrite?
Have fun.
Darwin is watching.

Are we taking a vote?
I'd want to be told.

Yes, I'd want to be told too fichu. I've managed to keep myself clear of sti's all these years, I'd like to maintain that status.

I made it to a half century and I still test negative for HPV. I'd want to know (and then steer clear) too.

@1 But should they have kids? That's what I want to know!

5
Good point.
We're slipping….

Sure wish you'd do a column on HPV and gay men. Yeah, I'm a GM, and yeah, I have a "crap smear" every year. The first couple of years the treatment to get the pre-cancerous cells out of my "cervix" was rather extensive. The past couple of years have required much less of a burn, but at least it's fully covered by my health insurance. At first it's quite traumatic. Over time, less so. But the word needs to get out...gay men's health issues and all. Contact Dr. Gary Bucher at the Anal Dysplasia Clinic here in Chicago for more info if you need it. He's a great guy.

@4, that doesn't mean you've never had HPV. If you were infected in the past and your body cleared the infection, you would test negative.

@3, if you've had multiple sex partners, chances are you've been exposed to HPV already. There is no way to know unless thr virus is still in your body and "flaring up"

I'm not sure I would steer clear after disclosure. It would definitely mean a lot to me to be included in the decision. It would increase my trust. I would appreciate the education on what my (slim) chances of infection were since there was a lot in this column I hadn't known. I'd be even more careful about condom use. If I discovered that he hadn't disclosed, i.e,, made the decision for me, then I would not only steer clear from then on out, I'd try to figure out a way to make public that this guy knew, exposed me to the risk, and hadn't said anything. Even when the risk of infection is low, it's not zero, which puts it into the no-informed-consent category.

(I also want to be told if the guy feels a cold or flu coming on.)

@8 actually there is a way to know if you've been exposed and have now cleared yourself of it, and that is to get an antibody blood titer. Unlike HIV tests they are not perfect for HPV but they can tell you if you've been exposed and now test positive for antibodies even though your body has "cleared" itself of the virus your immune system will now have antibodies till you die. You may or may not be contagious, just like herpes the virus could re-activate, but unlike herpes this is much more rare. It's rare for MDs to give this since the test has no real benefit other than for research purposes (doesn't tell you if you're infectious as HPV is not blood borne), but if you have a platinum health insurance plan and are a health data geek, go for it!

@2, @3, @9 on disclosure: why bother if it's HPV? So common to be asymptomatic and infectious. Always assume your partner has everything under the sun and take your risk / pleasure accordingly. I see the obligation of disclosing for HIV (transmission can be prevented, really serious consequences) and a moral benefit for lower stakes when there's an outbreak or high likelihood (recent known HPV, HSV), but when it's distant past and unlikely to reoccur and condom use I'm with the expert, morally optional... Now, if he was stopping using condoms, then it would be different I think.

Always assume your partner has everything under the sun and take your risk / pleasure accordingly as delta@11 says, because there will always be a certain subset of asshats like this prick who will decide for you whether or not you should take the risk. Tell them HMM. It's not your decision to make for them. I have never had a potential partner turn me down because I have herpes, and all were universally grateful (is that the right word?) that I disclosed my status before we had sex. Yes, practically everyone may have or had some form of HPV. Yes, it may not be that big of a deal. Yes, honesty is still the best policy.

Thank you @8 for your expert internet doctoring skills. Why it just saves me a ton of money and I don't even need to leave the house.

Fichu@9 (I also want to be told if the guy feels a cold or flu coming on.) Not a bad policy, but remember, most healthy adults may be able to infect other people beginning 1 day before symptoms develop and up to 5 to 7 days after becoming sick.

Totally disagree with the advice. HPV can cause CANCER in women. Cancer.
And you think it is okay to expose women to this without warning them?
I cant... I can't even....

@16, the LW indicated that it was the kind of HPV that results in warts, not the kind that causes cancer (and that was corroborated by his PP doctor). He could have carried other types too, but can only be sure about the wart kind. No need to panic more than necessary.

I am saying this as somebody who did have potentially cancer-causing HPV, and somebody who would prefer (and always has) an honest conversation about it with sexual partners.

Disclose, bro. A person has the right to decide that risk for themselves. It's a minimal risk and many people won't care, but you still don't have the right to decide that for them.

@3: How do you know?

If you have had sex with other people, you have no idea if you've ever had an STD or not. Most people with herpes don't know, most people with HPV don't know, hell, the body can even clear chlamydia and gonorrhea on its own.

Point is, if you have had sex, and you claim, "I know have never had an STD", you're lying.

Come out of the closet with it if you can afford to. Lots of people assume STIs happen to *other* people, not people like them (meaning if they've had HSV or HPV they're not aware of it). And there's a ton of room for education, like about HPV strains. If you're in a position to risk some stigma, you can help erode the stigma by showing yourself.

You guys are just so interested in my sti status. Thank you biggie @19, for your enquiry. It's really none of your business.

Just to digress for a moment. With this rape case, if trump is found guilty he'd lose the job of President, is that right. Then VP Pence would step up.
Please all you third party voters.
Don't do it.

Lava @21: I believe Biggie was speaking to the general you, not you specifically. And they have a point. A few years ago, a FWB came to me and said that he had an HPV wart, and that his doctor had said the same thing Dr Brotto said: "If you haven't had HPV by the time you're 35, you haven't been having sex." After my FWB told me this, I investigated and discovered the "practically every sexually active adult" statistic, and concluded that, as a sexually active adult, it was so probable that I am an asymptomatic carrier of the virus that I just assume this is the case.

But did that change my behaviour? Not really. Unlike my FWB, I use condoms religiously -- not that condoms are 100% effective in preventing the transmission of warts, if warts are above the condom line -- and what would I tell partners? "I probably have HPV, just like everybody else in the world." I have regular smear tests that would detect cancer. There's nothing more I could really do, other than become celibate, which ain't gonna happen.

So in short, I agree with delta35 @11. Disclose when the relationship reaches the point where you are thinking about stopping using condoms, and refrain from sex if you actually have a transmittable wart at the time (this also applies to herpes sores). Otherwise, just practice safer sex as usual. Because the chances are, nearly every person you're having sex with also has or has had HPV, and either doesn't know or isn't telling you either.

@21: I wasn't asking about your STI status. I was telling you that if you have been sexually active, you have ALMOST CERTAINLY had an STI at some point, and claiming otherwise is simply ignorant. If you want to say, "I've never had symptoms of an STI, so it's possible but still unlikely I've never had one", that would be accurate.

Were this casual conversation, I'd have just let it go, but you're posting on a public forum where there are other people who read this and they deserve accurate information.

I think this is tricky. Almost everyone who is sexually active has some strain of HPV. Most people don't know it, and a negative test or no symptoms doesn't mean you don't have it. Plus, condoms will not protect from it, and the vaccine does not cover all strains.

My personal opinion is that anyone who is active with multiple partners should be aware how prevalent it is, and then each person takes their own risk maintenance into their own hands. So, if you want to know, you ASK. The other person (ethically) should answer honestly. Otherwise, I don't think it's something the other person should need to volunteer. The main reason I think this is because most people who have it don't know they have it and sometimes never know. Women can have it for years and not know, even if they get regular checkups. And most of the time, even when they discover it, it goes away on its own again, so unless you just happened to have a pap while you happened to have a flare up, you'd never know. This guy only knows because he had the strain that caused warts. Most guys have other strains and never know, and there is no test. So I don't really know what good disclosure or asking really does.

So, my response would be- ask if you want to know, be honest if you are asked, otherwise let it be.

And women- if you are sexually active, don't take the stupid new advice to get a pap every three years. Insist on doing it every year, because most people have HPV and don't know it, and HPV can cause cervical cancer. Get your shit checked every year.

@10

It's a VERY imperfect test. I've had it four times. Positive, then negative, then negative, then positive. One of my good friends (who is much younger than I am) had the vaccine when she was a teenager (virgin) and later tested positive for HPV anyway.

Biggie. Fine with giving what you assume to be accurate information. Just not sure how you can give it about my body.

one comment, in older folks the clearance rate can be a lot slower. I was diagnosed with HPV after a bad Pap, at age 47; my dr. said I'd gotten it recently. Four years later and there is still evidence of it in my Pap; every year I have to have the 'closer look', and my dr. says it is going away, just slowly. My off and on partner developed the anal strain (maybe from me, maybe not), which was painful to treat. We don't use condoms, and my dr. says at this point, we share all the strains each of us have. I was pretty bummed when I got diagnosed, and my dr. disclosed that he'd had it in college, that 80% of people leaving college have. I haven't slept with anyone else since I found out, but I would disclose if/when I do.

@9 Fichu. Wow! You'd disclose his STI history? That's not cool. I can understand wanting to know and even expecting him to disclose, but not disclosing a negligible risk of him having an STI that most people have had and almost certainly not one of the HPV strains that cause cancer hardly seems to warrant public humiliation.

If you want all partners to tell you every single STI that they've ever had, you should probably ask them. If you did and he failed to disclose, then you'd have good reason to be angry, even with a negligible risk. Otherwise, the choice not to disclose a past infection with a minor disease that is almost certainly gone from his system is something that it is reasonable not to volunteer as the guest expert said. If you want 100% disclosure, use your words.

@27: Because your body isn't special. If you've been sexually active, you've almost certainly had HPV, and you have no basis for claiming otherwise.

Let me put it this way:

If you have had sex with someone, absent some extremely strong evidence they were a virgin, you can never claim you've never had an SD again, because you don't know.

Too many STD's have no symptoms and are not readily tested for.

If one,
and one's partner,
do as the CDC recommends to avoid STDs,
and abstain until in a Long Term Relationship
and practice monogamy therein and thereafter,
the chances of getting a STD are pretty much nil.
Science rocks. And rolls.
And actually it is not all that hard to follow the CDC's advice,
millions of people do.
You probably just don't know any of them.

@29

For a number of reasons. First off, the vaccine doesn't protect against all strains. Second, unless you are a virgin, getting a vaccine will not protect against it if you have already been exposed to it. Third, it's not as straight forward as being tested positive or negative. Read my post or the one at 28.

I think girls AND boys should be vaccinated against it as a routine when they are teens. But that's not going to protect against it entirely. Moreover, condoms don't work against it either.

Really, I think anyone who is going to be sexually active beyond two virgins marrying each other monogamously for life is just going to have to individually figure out how they want to manage the very real likelihood that they will be regularly exposed to both HPV and HSV. There is no way to fool-proof protect against either, and both are extremely prevalent in the population. HPV, my doctor tells me, almost everyone has some strain of it. HSV- less common than HPV but still it's over half the population, some say 2/3. And you can't protect against either completely with condoms. So, what to do? If you are sexually active, have had multiple partners, and also think you are negative for both, you are probably simply wrong.

Lava, odds are you had one. I only spotted my HPV because of a pap smear. I went back in and it cleared itself out. Also yeast infections can be spread sexually even if it's not technically an STI.

@33: If nothing else, you do provide an opportunity to swat down terrible and often sexist thinking.

Rape and other forms of sexual assault mean that avoiding genital contact outside of a 'Long Term Relationship' isn't necessarily an option for everybody. Further, how exactly do you tell beforehand that a Relationship is going to be Long Term? That's something that's only possible to evaluate in retrospect. Further-further, even if the suggestion is to not engage in sexual activity until after, say, years of dating, if what causes a couple to split is some sort of fundamental sexual incompatibility, that still means that any number of relationships in which the sexual component is short-term are possible, even likely, and that means that one is likely to have multiple sexual partners in the course of one's life. And in this particular case, using condoms until total relational compatibility can be established, maximizing the odds of only not using condoms in relationships that will last for years, still won't help, becasue HPV (and also HSV, for that matter) can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact. So, no, the CDC recommendations (I won't even bother to look up if you're accurately representing them, though sex-negativity in our culture being what it is, you may well be) are not really that easy to follow, or even remotely coherent.

If you have an issue that may affect your partner's wish to be with you, permanently or temporarily, you disclose it. Always. If you have an STI, you tell them before you have sex. If you have a cold sore or a cold, you tell them before you kiss them. Hell, I warn potential lovers about the bullet scar on my thigh and the internal scars that sometimes tear and bleed during sex, and I don't have any blood borne illnesses, so the worst that could happen there is that they'll be grossed out. I tell them anyway. Because it's not my place to make choices for them. It's not anyone's place to make choices for another adult. If you deliberately withhold information that you believe might change their choice, you're denying them the right to MAKE that choice. A person's wish to not get rejected never trumps your partner's right to choose.

Also, there are immunosuppressed people like me. If I get HPV, I'll probably end up like this guy:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-…

36
Thank you for those comments.

We realize most folks reading these posts find the CDC's advice Crazy.
We find it interesting, however, that a considerable (but shrinking) part of the population will find it absolutely reasonable ('duh- everyone knows that') advice that totally corresponds to the lifestyle ideals they aspire to.
We also find it fascinating how folks of all political stripes are so capable of totally ignoring 'science' that does not fit in to their preconceived notions.

Commentor @36: And the one foolproof way to avoid getting hit by a car is to never leave the house.

How do the risks of STIs compare with the risk of dying of boredom?

39
Really?
How many people do you know who have ever been hit by a car?

Married people have more sex.
And sex with a person with whom you share a lifelong safe secure emotionally fulfilling relationship is quite a rush. As is sex with no worries about STDs. (As is life without STDs, for that matter)
And, sorry; we literally can't imagine sex getting boring.
Judging from letters to Mr Savage it is the promiscuous unrooted sexual nomads who seem to be constantly bored and in search of the next fix.

39
True; abstinence/monogamy isn't for everybody;
but mocking and derisively dismissing out of hand a lifestyle that is safer, healthier, emotionally more fulfilling and delivers more sex is an embarrassingly obviously blatant case of sour grapes....

Commentor @41: Ahahahahahaha that's hilarious.
I bet your (nonexistent) wife doesn't have to imagine sex getting boring.
I'm not the one who's "mocking and dismissing out of hand" other people's lifestyles.
And have you been reading the same letters I've been reading? It's the married people who are complaining about getting no sex.
Not that it's any of your business, but not only am I getting loads more sex than any of these LWs, but I'm getting more sex than I used to when I lived with my last partner. Safely and honestly. Your lifestyle isn't for everyone, and neither is mine. I'm not bored; I have no STDs; and I actually do know people who've been hit by cars. And I don't judge people who have chosen a different relationship structure than mine. If they're happy, I'm happy. So why are you so unhappy?

42
Really?
We don't know anyone who has been hit by a car.
Do you teach special ed preschoolers?
Come from an especially clumsy or tipsy family?
The folks we know manage to not get run over and yet still leave the house daily....

You're right, it's none of our business.
You were the one who labeled a lifestyle boring.
And pointing out what social and epidemiological science has discovered is not judging,
it is actually helpful.
Possibly even more helpful (but admittedly less entertaining) than anecdotal tales about all the sex one is getting now that they dumped their last partner….

Commentor @43: I live in a country where pedestrians are actually a thing.

And nothing, not one pixel, you have ever written in this forum has been the slightest bit helpful.

now now don't pout...