This morning soon-to-be-fired Stranger intern Michael Bell libeled beloved Seasame Street characters Bernie and Ernie in his Slog AM post. It normally takes people at least a month to commit libel around here, so, first off, congratulations, Michael. You’re going to fit in well. Second of all, BERT AND ERNIE ARE NOT FUCKING GAY.
Now, before anyone takes to the comments to accuse me of homophobia, scroll down to the bottom of this post and look at my haircut. Do I look homophobic to you? No, I look like an unpaid extra on the set of The L Word. I’m about as homophobic as a strap-on. That said, as much as I personally would love to see Bert and Ernie draped in the Pride flag, I cannot allow Michael to perpetuate the myth that they are homosexuals, a myth that originated when one-time Sesame Street writer Mark Saltzman said in an interview with Queerty that we he was writing for the characters, he loosely based their relationship on the one he has with his husband.
It’s a sweet idea, Michael, but despite what Rudy Giuliani thinks, truth is truth and we need to acknowledge it: Bert and Ernie aren’t gay.
So, how do I know Bert and Ernie aren’t gay? Because Frank Oz says they are not. Oz, along with Jim Henson, created Bert and Ernie and he took to Twitter yesterday to weigh in.
It seems Mr. Mark Saltzman was asked if Bert & Ernie are gay. It’s fine that he feels they are. They’re not, of course. But why that question? Does it really matter? Why the need to define people as only gay? There’s much more to a human being than just straightness or gayness.
— Frank Oz (@TheFrankOzJam) September 18, 2018
Despite the Word of Oz, some people refused to believe, and, what’s more, attributed his insistence to homophobia.
Oz, clearly, doesn’t spend much time on the most toxic of social media platforms, and as the replies mounted, he seemed totally flabbergasted that people would think that because he said Bert and Ernie aren’t gay he is somehow disparaging them—and actual gay people. Oddly, as Oz pointed out in a subsequent tweet, Mark Saltzman didn’t even say Bert and Ernie are gay; he said he used his own relationship for inspiration. That, as usual, got lost in the game of telephone between the interview and people freaking out Twitter.
Wisely, Oz took the night off Twitter but he was back in the trenches again this morning, getting a great lesson on the current state of the Discourse.
Well, I’ve done it again. It’s morning and I’m Tweeting! It’s difficult not to tweet with you all because it’s such a pleasure to have some discourse. Even those who are attacking me are still part of it. And I like that. But I am sooo behind in my work!!! Will come back later.
— Frank Oz (@TheFrankOzJam) September 19, 2018
Michael, don’t take it from me. Take it from Oz: Bert and Ernie aren’t gay. They’re asexual, and anything to the contrary makes you guilty of asexual erasure. Welcome to The Stranger—and Oz, welcome to Hell.
