(L-R) Cormac McCarthy and director John Hillcoat at the premiere of The Road, a screen adaptation of one of McCarthy's great novels. Credit: Mark Von Holden / GETTY

I did everything right and all I got was this lousy indictment: Donald J. Trump plead not guilty to federal charges yesterday. Our former leader (or your current leader, if you’re into that) faced a judge after allegedly breaking the law dozens of times by storing top-secret documents in his Mar-a-Lago mansion and not returning them when asked. You’ve probably seen the awesome bathroom pics. It’s the first federal indictment for a former president, and it may pause the New York DA’s hush money case.

Put those rainbow cups away: The Starbucks union says the company banned pride decorations in some stores this month, following the dangerous trend of LGBTQ-friendly companies ditching the community after far-right pushback from people like Matt Walsh. Yes, we’re talking about you, Target and Budweiser.

Starbucks spokesperson Andrew Trull told The Stranger the worker allegations weren’t true and that the company empowers store managers to decorate for all “heritage months,” including Pride in June. The store is still selling Pride merch, he wrote. Starbucks cited its trans-inclusive health care policy and a benefits package that has covered same-sex domestic partnerships since 1988. That’s right, the same trans health care the company threatened to take away from unionized employees.

Local trans woman harassed by the right: Transphobes make a habit of spreading around small, niche stories about trans people in an attempt to promote a hateful right-wing agenda. That just happened in Washington, when a local spa, a lawsuit, and a trans woman’s human rights complaint over an exclusionary policy that happened to buck state law went international for some reason. I talked to her here. This reminds me of a story I reported for KNKX two years ago, when a former Aberdeen council woman’s argument with a local shop owner went international after she was harassed. Turns out, she was the state’s first trans elected official and everyone missed it.

Federal jury awards former state employee $2.4 million: The Washington State Department of Social and Health Services retaliated against whistleblower Kim Snell after she reported unethical practices at the agency, including her forged signature and a supervisors anti-gay remarks. The DSHS demoted Snell, a former rising star at the agency, twice and cut her salary by more than $30,000 before she quit and sued.

Harrison Ford says go ahead, punch a Nazi: The man behind Indiana Jones says his character loves punching Nazis so much, he’d push people out of the way to punch them first. “As well he should,” Ford said. I’m waiting for the world’s most annoying, least intellectual people to suggest that politics are ruining Indiana Jones.

Ever-reclusive Cormac McCarthy dead at 89: McCarthy was a real one for writing classics such as All the Pretty Horses, No Country for Old Men, Blood Meridian, and The Road, and for not really giving a shit about fame or the literary world. In a 1992 feature article in the New York Times, ex-wives wistfully recalled living in total poverty and bathing in the lake because he wouldn’t take a steady job. When universities called him up offering a $2,000 speaking gig, he’d say that everything he had to say was right there on the page. 

So he ate a lot of bean dinners. Maybe McCarthy wouldn’t have been such a dark dude if he stood at a podium for food money now and again, but that ship sailed. A lot of fun stories about the lauded octogenarian whizzed by my feed today. But none topped the Atlantic article, “Cormac McCarthy’s Ex-Wife Pulled a Gun Out of Her Vagina During an Argument About Aliens.” Good stuff.

Safeway fucks over customers, lawsuit says: If you’re a Safeway shopper, you already knew that, but they did allegedly do something specific and illegal by offering fake deals and other deceptive promotions. The lawsuit claims Safeway jacked up prices in all of its 243 California stores and duped 800,000 people. Turns out false advertising is illegal or something.

Nevada signs gender-affirming care bill: That’s no typo. The state’s Republican governor, Joe Lombardo, signed a bill that requires insurance companies to cover trans care for adults and minors. The bill passed the Legislature on a party line vote, with total opposition from state Republicans.

Southern Baptists purging women-led churches: The Southern Baptist Convention worried things were getting a little too progressive and liberal around here and decided to expel churches with female pastors for the evil act of learning about God from women. Maybe they’re just being shitty, but Baptists are usually mean behind your back, so it’s hard to tell. Convention officials have done this to five churches so far, including one of the largest Baptist congregations in the nation–Saddleback Church in SoCal. What a weird move. I wonder if the SBC has bigger fish to fry…

Boingggg: A class-action lawsuit claims the formerly Everett-based bobblehead company lied to investors about their difficult and expensive opening of an Arizona warehouse last year. Plaintiffs say former CEO Andrew Perlmutter and former CFO Jennifer Fall Jung made “materially false statements” about the status and cost of the “disastrous” transition and its effect on stock price.

Colombian plane crash survivors were fleeing for their lives: Four indigenous children, including an infant, miraculously survived 40 days in the Columbian jungle (kind of a one-up on Jesus’ desert wanderings) after the crash. The father of the two youngest survivors told the New York Times that they’d fled an armed group recruiting child soldiers in a southern region of the country. It’s apparently a problem for kids in the country’s politically unstable, rural regions.

Seattle couple shot in broad daylight: A gunman injured a man and killed a pregnant woman sitting in a car at the intersection of Fourth Avenue and Lenora Street yesterday. Her unborn child died, too. Police arrested a suspect but have not yet revealed his identity.

Teen shot and killed at Kent movie theater: Emergency workers pronounced the 19-year-old man dead at the scene. Someone wearing a ski mask shot him in the chest inside the AMC Kent Station 14 at 12:30 am Tuesday morning. KING 5 reports that police believe the shooter targeted the victim and poses no public threat. Police impounded three vehicles that may be related to the case.

Vivian McCall is The Stranger's News Editor. In her private life, she is a musician and Wii U apologist. If you’re reading this, you either love her or hate her.