I KNOW ITS NOT A JUUL OKAY?
I KNOW IT'S NOT A JUUL OKAY? licsiren/Getty Images

Good evening, fancy seeing you here at this late, late hour. Welcome to your (and my) first ever evening news rundown. Kick back, relax, and relish in the fact that your day is over—probably. Look upon these fresh hells and think “Boy, am I glad this didn’t happen to me.”

Won’t you get wet for us, Seattle summer? The region just can’t spare the moisture. This summer was the driest in a century in Seattle and we all felt it. Many Washington rivers are running at half their normal levels. The normal rainfall amount is 7 inches, this summer we got 2.5 inches.

Lime expands to Tacoma: Don't worry, Tacoma, your teachers don’t have that livable wage yet but you’ll be getting bike share and scooter share—something Seattle doesn’t even have yet. Though, we did get one in our office and the verdict was that it was “okay.” Charles Mudede had a better than average time on it, however. Later, the scooter beeped at us angrily and we felt like we were about to slashed by Norman Bates a la Hitchcock’s Psycho.


There’s a Juul epidemic amongst America’s teens: The teens are e-cigging too much for their own good. Actually, though. The Food and Drug Administration said that teens smoking e-cigarettes has reached epidemic proportions. The manufacturers—like the very hip Juul (or so I hear)—have 60 days to prove that they can keep their devices away from minors or they’re gettin’ the axe. Additionally, 1,100 retailers, like 7-11s and Walgreens, will be getting FDA warning letters (not quite a love letter, not quite hate mail) for selling this shit to the kids. About 131 got fines that ranged from $279 to $11,182.

Bring on the blood, bring on Florence: The Carolinas (and lowly Virginia) are battening down their hatches, covering up their sloughs of pig manure, and praying to god that their mounds of coal-ash don’t kill them in preparation for Florence’s landfall. Bloodworks Northwest is Doing Its Part and sending blood (34 units!) to the afflicted areas. Blood banks are usually cashed out this time of year so it's an increasingly dire time for desolation to strike.

Who needs blood when you have Amazon Prime? Jeff Bezos & Co. are deploying relief supplies to the places where Florence is expected to land. Thank you, Jeff.


Tacoma school district not fucking around this time: The contract stalemate has dragged on for one whole uneventful week and the Tacoma school district is contemplating filing a lawsuit against the teacher's union. Talk about schoolyard bullying.

Contrary to popular belief, we’re still detaining children and doing it better than ever! Yep! Migrant children detentions have reached an all-time high in this beautiful country. The Trump administration would like for you to believe the opposite which is not unusual for them. In May of 2017 there were 2,400 children in detention. As of this month there are 12,800. Why? It’s not an increase of children entering the country but a decrease in children being released to other family members or sponsors.

Seven NYPD officers got busted for running a prostitution ring: There was also gambling, too. There’s always gambling. Among the seven New York Police Officers were 3 sergeants, 2 detectives and 2 police officers. They were all working out of Brooklyn Narcotics. They have been arrested and charged.

Let’s all weigh in on the beard debate: You read Slog AM this morning. I know you did. What did you think of Michael Bell’s beard? It’s a hot topic of discussion. Commenters couldn’t decide where they stood, I think wars are about to break out:


He’s dealing: Are you dealing, though?


Pussy Riot member may have been poisoned: During the World Cup final, members of the activist group Pussy Riot rushed across the field in protest. They were arrested. One of them, Pyotr Verzilov, was taken to the hospital for loss of sight, speech, and the ability to move. People close to him believe he was poisoned.

Finally, the ally fair housing advocates have been waiting for: Ben Carson is probably not that ally. But he thinks he might be? Oh, Ben.