You know what would really spice this up? A magic orb.
You know what would really spice this up? A magic orb. asiseeit /Getty Images

Langley, Washington apparently has a supernatural orb that makes people smash face: According to KING5, Langley has become the “kissing capital of the northwest.” Why? Because thousands of people have used a chalk tally system to record their kisses under a magical floral orb that hangs outside of a real estate office on Main Street. Apparently they are counting parents kissing babies and pet owners kissing dogs. The real estate office also reports having to shoo off lovers getting too carried away—should have thought of that before bewitching an orb that causes people to kiss dogs.

Airlifted goats return to normal goat activity in their new goat home: Hikers at Rattlesnake Ledge have spotted the GPS-tracked goats doing what goats normally do—looking stoically cute, perched upon rocky ridges. The goats were airlifted from the Olympics, where they were a non-native species, to the cascades, to help bolster the mountain goat population. This truly is the feel-good goat story of 2018. We can only hope they're managing their human urine addiction.

Melania Trump says she is “the most bullied person in the world": Is this true, Slog? Is Melania Trump the most bullied person in the world? My guttural reaction is to scoff at this odd boast—but then I remember she is actually married to the biggest bully in the world, and perhaps there is a sad, hidden truth to what she is saying. Be Best, after all, right?

President Trump “penned” a naturally full-of-shit op-ed on medicare: Here’s his op-ed. Here’s a dismantling of all the crap he said in it. Trump’s quack op-ed opens on this fully quacked-out note: “The Democrats want to outlaw private health care plans, taking away freedom to choose plans while letting anyone cross our border.” Even his written sentences are fully unhinged.

Monkey holds onto savior: This is another case of something that is simultaneously adorable, and also at the same time absolutely terrifying.

Is the stock market in correction territory? Looks like it. The New York Times thinks the correction may be easing. Stocks started less turbulently today, unless we're talking about Square stock, which opened today another 10 percent down.

A public safety message worth repeating: Turn on your lights, people. Or take a bus.

FBI foils 200 lb bomb plot: They say the man charged in the attempt was planning to detonate the bomb on election day on the National Mall in Washington. From TIME: “Prosecutors said he planned to use the bomb to kill himself and draw attention to a political system called sortition, in which public officials are chosen randomly rather than elected.” Thankfully, the plot was foiled by the "quick action" of a concerned citizen and "the diligent work of a host of our law enforcement partners and the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force."

Aftermath of Hurricane Michael: I suppose we should better familiarize ourselves with what the destruction from natural disasters looks like. Y'know, because of climate change.

Remember when we talked about the Seattle Lid? The Lid would sit atop interstate 5, and provide a large area of public space for parks, housing, and schools. Some readers love the idea, some readers seem to have fervently negative opinions of it. You can go view the presentations from October 3rd here, and get a better visual and practical idea of the various possibilities. Still hate the idea? Drop off that weight in the comments!

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: The booze-filled, book-loving extravaganza Lit Crawl, the Omnivorous dinner benefitting affordable housing, and an evening of pop complexity with Richie Dagger's Crime, PSA, and DJ Sharlese.