She couldnt even eat any calamari :/
She couldn't even eat any calamari :/ uwimages/Getty Images

Boeing software fix won't be ready for weeks: And that's just until it gets to the Federal Aviation Administration. I mean hey, slow and steady wins the race especially when it concerns software fixes to a new flight system that may have killed hundreds of people in two plane crashes. But that's just me. Boeing is in the process of making significant changes to its flight control system. It's going to take some time before it's done.

Forty-eight pounds of plastic were found in this whale: That's too much. A 26-foot female sperm whale's carcass was found off the coast of Sardinia. There was 48 pounds of plastic in her stomach. The plastic made it so she couldn't even consume her regular diet of calamari. She had been carrying a fetus that died. Take a look:

There's a vaccination bill in Olympia right now: It's being voted on Monday. If passed, it would eliminate personal and philosophical exemptions to vaccines, according to KUOW. A fuck ton (technical term) of people showed up (read: 600) to testify. KUOW interviewed an antivaxxer mother who was pissed that people would have the audacity to want her to vaccinate her kids. Under the bill, parents could still choose not to vaccinate their kids (you know, like idiots) but the kids would have to be homeschooled. It's all very timely since 74 people have come down with measles in Washington state this year. Nationally, the disease is occurring at its second-highest rate since it was eliminated in 2000.

In more uplifting whale news: The youngest member of the southern resident orcas is thriving! Aptly-named Lucky, the pod's newest baby, has traveled far with the pod. She was spotted down in California.

It's tulip time: Well, almost. The blooms aren't quite ready, but the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival is upon us. Mid-month is your best bet for some sexy tulip photos. That's when they're supposed to be at peak bloom. I have nothing else to say about this festival. If it's anything like the cherry blossom crowds on the UW quad this past weekend, then I will be staying away.

It's a breezy spring day: I guess it's best to ditch your weather app these days. The sun is being very uncooperative with forecasts.

Insensitive April Fools' joke for Big Foot truthers: Think before you fool.

Insensitive April Fools' joke for anyone other than Patriots fans: Tom Brady made a Twitter for this.

How likely are you to get audited? It depends on where you live, according to a new report by ProPublica. "The five counties with the highest audit rates are all predominantly African American, rural counties in the Deep South." Meanwhile, "The states with the lowest audit rates tend to be home to middle income, largely white populations: places like New Hampshire, Wisconsin, and Minnesota." There's a handy dandy map here.

California is getting rid of weed convictions: Prosecutors are planning to automatically clear 54,000 marijuana-related convictions in Los Angeles and San Joaquin counties. It's part of an ongoing mission to give a blank slate to people charged with pot crimes now that it's legal in California.

Ebola virus rips through Democratic Republic of Congo: The outbreak has been happening in the African country for eight months. It's spreading faster than ever before. Record numbers of cases are cropping up: there were 25 one week and then there were 57 the week after. That third week? 72 cases. Deaths are also happening outside of treatment centers which means infected people may have transmitted the virus to those around them. So far, the outbreak has killed an estimated 676 people.

Forget a plant-based baked potato, we've moved on to: The plant-based Whopper. Burger King, the ugly step-sister of all other fast food chains (other than Carl's Jr. 'cause fuck Carl's Jr.), introduced the Impossible Whopper on Monday. You remember the Impossible Burger, right? A vegetarian burger made by start-up Impossible Foods? Well, they partnered with Burger King and mainstreamed the imitation-beef burger. This is much better than Burger King's other burger innovations like the green burger or the black burger or, hell, even the red burger. Okay. Also. I spoke too soon with my sassy parenthetical—Carl's Jr. pivoted to a plant-based burger in January. Sorry, Carl's Jr.

The NRA wants to block a law that will help domestic abuse survivors: I know, I know, what else is new? But, the NRA is shitty and they're lobbying against the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act from 1994, a law that expired in February. It will ban anyone convicted of assault, abuse, or stalking from owning a gun. It also includes a provision that will make it easier for police to strip an abuser of their gun. The NRA is "not about that," unsurprisingly.

Should the death penalty be painless? The Supreme Court says no. In a 5-4 decision, the Court ruled that Russell Bucklew, 50, a man awaiting execution, had to undergo lethal injection. Bucklew lobbied for death by lethal gas because injection would likely trigger "undue agony" in Bucklew because of a pre-existing condition. Bucklew has blood-filled tumors in his face, head, neck, and throat that may rupture with lethal injection. The Court ruled that prisoners are not guaranteed a painless death. What do you think? This strikes me as "violation of the Eighth Amendment" territory, but I'm also what we'd call "not a fan" of the death penalty in general.