Kim is MOVING ON.
Kim is MOVING ON. CHRIS MCGRATH / GETTY IMAGES (illustrations by me)

A slow-going demolition: The Alaskan Way Viaduct is holding onto Seattle for dear life. Tearing down that mass of concrete has taken a bit longer than crews expected. The full job will probably be finished by August. Business owners by the waterfront are a bit ticked off. They were expecting the demolition to be done by the beginning of summer. If we took one thing away from the tunnel project it should have been that time (and deadlines) is meaningless.

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Russell Wilson is an angel: A rich and talented angel, but an angel nonetheless. Wilson, who just signed the most expensive contract in NFL history, gifted his 13 offensive lineman $12,000 in Amazon stock each. Just to say "thanks." Wilson will be making up to $36.5 million per year. The 12 is symbolic too, but only real fans will understand why.

Gray whales must really hate Washington: Either they're dying out of protest or something's up, like the global temperature is rising or something and having deleterious effects on the environment. I dunno. NINE gray whales have turned up dead in Washington this year. The most recent death was a whale that washed up on the beaches of Ocean Shores.

What the fuck is going on in the Human Services Department? Seattle has no longterm person overseeing the response to the homelessness crisis in our city. Mayor Jenny Durkan hired Jason Johnson as the interim HSD director and he was her nominee to take over the position completely. However, she withdrew her nomination today. In doing so, she released a statement admonishing the Seattle City Council and their role in not appointing Johnson. He will remain as interim director through next year.


Johnson & Johnson settle lawsuit: Washington Attorney General Bob Ferguson stuck it to J&J for making faulty pelvic-mesh implants. The implants, used when pelvic organs get all out of place usually after childbirth or a hysterectomy or something, were no good. The complications ranged from urinary dysfunction to loss of sexual function, plus more in between. So, Johnson Squared is coughing up $9.9 million to settle.

Two Florida teens arrested for plotting kidnapping and murder: These 14-year-old girls had made a whole folder for their plans to kidnap and murder 9 people. A teacher overheard them when they were frantically looking for the folder they had misplaced. The teacher found it and read its detailed and grisly contents. The girls are now facing felony charges.

A NEW THING: "THING," a new fest taking Sasquatch!'s place, released their lineup today. Note: Macauley Culkin, Lindy West, and Napoleon Dynamite ("Live") will all be gracing the fest, which kicks off this August in Port Townsend.


Washington senator will trade in a suit for scrubs: State Senator Maureen Walsh, a Republican representing Walla Walla, has agreed to shadow a nurse for 12 hours after controversially saying that nurses "probably play cards for a considerable amount of the day" while arguing against a bill that would mandate uninterrupted rest periods for hospital nurses. Walsh says her comments were taken out of context and that she "certainly did not mean to imply that my nurses sit around playing cards all day. I have great respect for nurses. My mother was an RN registered nurse for many years," reports KOMO.

The offending comment in question:

As Timothy wisely noted this AM: "Uhh, senator, it’s 2019. If they’re wasting time, it’s not playing cards, it’s looking at dogs on Instagram."

Weather! Wet, wet, wet.


What is this, a crossover episode? Kim Jong-un will be going to Russia to have a little get together with Vladimir Putin. Kim allegedly is looking for some foreign support for his economic development plans. The summit between the two leaders will happen before April ends.

Timber!


Guantánamo Bay considered as a place to house migrant children: The Southwest border is struggling to house asylum seekers. In looking for space, Immigration and Customs Enforcement has started looking at renting space from local jails. One other consideration was putting migrant children up in dormitories in Guantánamo Bay. There hasn't been much progress made on that plan, since, you know, detaining innocent children next to where the U.S. detains terrorists doesn't looks so great. According to the New York Times, "ICE is currently housing 50,223 migrants."

Pray for your local AMC: The last Avengers film is coming out this weekend. Avengers: Endgame has a three-hour runtime. To make up for that, AMC is scheduling early morning and late night screenings. For the opening weekend, some AMC theaters will be open 72-hours straight. Endgame has sold more pre-sold tickets than any movie in AMC's history. That's going to be hell. I stand in solidarity with all of you behind a concession stand, tearing tickets at a ticket drop, or ushering and portering this weekend.

I love her: Seattle-native and college gymnast icon, Katelyn Ohashi, killed it on her last floor routine.