The VMAs knocked it out of her!
The VMAs knocked it out of her! Timothy Kenney

Happy Labor Day weekend: Are you leaving town? Tell me in the comments so I can throw a rager in your single-family home while you're gone. I'll be in town attending Bumbershoot with former Slog AM intern Timothy Kenney. We'll post his pics throughout the weekend. Since I have to run off to that Lizzo-less festival in a few moments, this Slog PM will be filled with quickies—my favorite!

Florida is facing a direct hit from Hurricane Dorian: Looking scary. It is expected to make landfall as a Cat 4 and then slowly work its way down to a Cat 2 as it moves its way up the Florida coastline. The whole state will be impacted. An update from my aunt:

I will now start eating the hurricane snacks.
"I will now start eating the hurricane snacks."

How long should kids' lunches be? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? 20 minutes? At boarding school, I think most of my peers' lunches took about as long as it took to snort a line of Adderall. Twenty minutes is the correct answer here, and Washington state schools can't seem to squeeze in the time.

Maybe your ferry ride will be peaceful this Labor Day weekend: Probably not this peaceful, though. Make sure to watch long enough to see the baby eat a piece of paper.

Is King County too rich for FEMA homelessness funding? Apparently.

Gillibrand, no longer running for president, makes a goal to raise $1 million to elect women candidates in 2020: She announced it on Twitter.

Another House Republican announces he is no longer running: Trump's ruining your party, boys! Rep. John Shimkus of Illinois announced he would not seek another term in office.

Valerie Harper is dead: She was 80. The actress was best known for performing on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

Time to kill the sea lions: Sorry, but they're eating the salmon! If we kill them, I think we should at least honor them by eating their flesh. A sea lion burger at Li'l Woody's? I would eat. The deets:

About 900 California sea lions and 250 Steller sea lions could be killed each year, starting about 110 miles (180 kilometers) from the river's mouth and extending 300 miles (480 kilometers) upstream. Experts say sea lions in that area are exclusively preying on salmon and steelhead.

Maybe it's also time to bring back this song: Although, to be clear, we're not talking about killing the sea lion woman, whoever she is, just sea lions.

More on Trump's newly departed personal assistant: Madeleine Westerhout "was fired after bragging to reporters that she had a better relationship with Trump than his own daughters, Ivanka and Tiffany Trump, and that the president did not like being in pictures with Tiffany because he perceived her as overweight," according to Politico. Trump, at a press conference before flying to Camp David, rejected the claims and announced: “I love Tiffany." Rumor has it his least favorite daughter then burst into tears, as this was the first time she'd ever heard those words in her whole life.

As Dave wrote this morning, Lizzo won't be attending Bumbershoot tonight due to an infection: Will this be the infection that kills the festival? We'll find out! She's being replaced by some guys called "Hippie Sabotage." I can't decide if that means they're hippies who sabotage or they're people who like sabotaging hippies. Anyhow, music calendar editor Kim Selling and Tech-Savvy/At-Risk Youth Grant Hendrix pointed out to me that Hippie Sabotage are known for "fighting security and venue staff at their shows." Check out how a Facebook commenter described one of their performances, via a 2016 Billboard article:

Hippie sabotage goes on stage telling the audience that “we are playing a hard set and if you dont like it, fuck you, go talk shit on facebook” people get weirded out and then HS continues to say “or stand there and be fucking weirdos” so sound guy comes up and tells him to chill out and to not mishandle the microphone, HS proceeds to talk shit more to the crowd and soundguy on the mic. soundguy mutes mic. HS throws a fit and tosses mics to the crowd. 3 of them. Soundguy tries to go on stage and gets stopped by the TM and shoved back by HS. Event organizer comes to tell them to chill. they say “fuck you”. event organizers ask security to remove them from stage and then this happened….. they get boo’d off stage and i told them “thats some looser shit” they try try to come fight me. security holds him back and he yells. “when you have 200k plays on soundcloud come talk to me” lmao. they get escorted off the festival immediately.

As Dave pointed out on Slack: "More like Hippie SELF Sabotage, amirite?"

Ending with this new promo vid from the Beacon: It's of their upcoming anime series, Anime Sunrise, starting next Sunday. I love this little theater.