All of our heroes are dead!
All of our heroes are dead! quentinjlang/Getty Images

Lime bike woes: The dockless e-bikes have been riddled with battery deaths recently. Dead and inoperable e-bikes have littered the streets during early September. Lime spokespeople attributed the outages to a "perfect storm" of depleted batteries and employees taking vacation time. The problem should be fixed by the weekend.

No fun allowed: Scottish police shut down a game of hide-and-seek in a Glasgow IKEA. The game had 3,000 participants.

Police are looking for a Seattle teen: The 17-year-old allegedly killed a 23-year-old mother and injured her 1-year-old son when their cars collided in August. The suspect was racing another teen in Tukwila and his car slammed into the victim's car. A passenger in the suspect's car was live-streaming the race on Snapchat. That video was sent to police, who have issued a warrant for the teenager's arrest.

For the old and gay: There's an affordable housing project that's being built right on Broadway and the Pike/Pine corridor on Capitol Hill. It's for LGBTQ seniors. The nonprofit Generations Aging with Pride and Capitol Hill Housing are working together to make sure the old gay people in the neighborhood have a place to grow even older. Maybe even gayer! The apartment will be designated for senior housing and include 100 units.

Some wet is on the way: It will be a cozy night.

Naked man arrested in North Seattle park: That's pretty much the whole story. If you want more, it started with him walking out of a public bathroom with his pants down, staring at two women, and giggling.

Have you heard about this dive boat fire in California? On Labor Day, a dive boat off the coast of Santa Cruz Island caught fire in the middle of the night. There were 33 passengers who were sleeping in the bunk rooms at the bottom of the boat (forgive me for not knowing boat terminology). None survived. One crew member also died. The Coast Guard will raise the charred boat, Conception, from the bottom of the ocean this morning. The investigation into what caused the fire will continue.

Cheetah makes tourists sweat: This cheetah got up close and personal with some tourists on a safari.

A doping race horse: All of your heroes are dead. Justify, the winner of the 2018 Triple Crown, failed his drug test. The colt took the test before the first race in the three-race circuit, the Kentucky Derby. But it took the California Horse Racing Board more than a month to confirm the results and, by that time, Justify was already an (unjust) winner, only the 13th horse to complete the Triple Crown. Quietly, the board made moves to drop the case. The drug in Justify's system was called scopolamine.

Trump says fuck you to water: Despite his claim of being an environmentalist that has a "commitment to crystal-clean water," President Donald Trump is repealing an Obama-era clean water protection. The rule limited the polluting chemicals that could be used near water systems.

This is a metaphor: The whale is Trump. He is bitch-slapping water with these new regulations.

USA basketball lost to France: Maybe that doesn't seem headline-worthy, but USA basketball doesn't just lose on an international stage. France beat them 89–79 in a quarterfinal game at the FIBA World Cup, breaking a 58-game USA winning streak in FIBA and Olympic competition. The roster didn't include the big NBA superstars from the game. The real bright side here is that the sport has grown exponentially stronger internationally. UPDATE: They just lost to Serbia in the game for fifth place. They can't place higher than seventh.

Some use crying over spilt coffee: Back in February, a passenger plane from Frankfurt, Germany, to Cancun, Mexico, had to change course to Shannon, Ireland, because the control panel in the cockpit was melting and the cockpit was filling with smoke. The pilot had spilled his coffee.

Hope for people still jonesing for that Popeyes chicken sandwich: The chicken sandwich is the stuff of legend at this point. Popeyes introduced the meal, it caught fire on the internet, and it became impossible to get. There's still a chicken sandwich shortage, so the restaurant is introducing a BYOB system. "Bring Your Own Bun" and then you can make your own chicken sandwich out of its three-piece tender meal.

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: A screening of the 1986 horror Night of the Creep preceded by burlesque performances at Nocturnal Emissions, the Capitol Hill Art Walk, and Boyz II Men.