This week's Savage Love Letters of the Day: Does this single mom have to disclose the low-key sex work she's doing for just one client to any new men she dates? Does this straight-but-adventurous guy have to disclose the same-sex ball licking that went down during a recent MMF threesome to his wife? Can this gay man force his boyfriend to come out to his conservative parents a second time? And what can this adult daughter do for her elderly, less-than-tech-savvy, might-be-gay-or-bi dad? And, of course, this week's Savage Love and this week's Savage Lovecast.

Regarding WORK, the single mom doing a little sex work to make ends meet...

Single moms get a free pass on just about everything. They are the world’s unsung heroes.
— Fohtohgirl💎 (@fohtohgirl) September 30, 2019

Agreed. Another reader comes to the defense of WORK's shitty ex-boyfriend...

Was he a controlling, manipulative, hypocritical asshole? Doughboy falls in love with French woman. After the war he says, “Come to America with me.” Controlling and manipulative asshole? He always knew the war was going to end, and he always knew that he was never going to be willing to stay in France, yet he is asking her to quit her job and leave family and friends just so he can continue to date her. Non-poly girl starts dating poly guy. After a few months she tells him that his polyamory is not working for her and that if he wants to see her he will have to be monogamous. Manipulative and controlling asshole? She knew all along he was poly, and yet she is asking him to change his entire way of life just so she can continue to date him. I don’t think either of these pretend people are manipulative and controlling assholes, and I don’t think LW’s ex-boyfriend was either. Sometimes, in loving relationships, one partner realizes that things can’t continue as they are, and that staying together will require an asymmetric sacrifice. Then their partner has a decision to make.

Caveats: Her ex could have and probably should have better supported her financially, so that the sacrifice would be more symmetric. But that may have created other problems, too. Also LW used the word “pressured.” If her ex phrased this as a demand instead of a choice she had to make, that’s not good either. Also, if the ex knew from the jump that the sex work was a dealbreaker, but saved that info for much later, after she was in love, that would be manipulative. But that seems an unnecessarily dark view of the facts. And is he a hypocrite just because he sees sex workers but then discovers he doesn’t like dating one? I just don’t follow that logic at all. He is not saying sex-for-money is ok for him but not for her (presumably). He is saying he is having trouble dating someone who has sex with other people. That’s just a different thing.

The doughboy who invites his French girlfriend to come to the states? Given the time and place, he didn't invite her to come over and starve on the streets of some American city. He proposed to her, married, and supported her financially. That was the deal doughboys made with the French girlfriends they brought home with them. WORK's ex didn't offer him that deal. Originally a client, he asked her to date him (and not charge him) and then pressured her to stop doing sex work—to essentially leave France—without offering her any financial support while WORK struggled to care for her children. That's manipulative assholery. If WORK's ex wasn't okay with the sex work, he shouldn't have dated a sex worker. If he wanted her to stop doing sex work, he needed to help her make ends meet himself. Just standing there while kids starved? Yeah, not good enough. He was asking WORK to make a financial sacrifice—the least he could do in exchange was make a financial commitment to her himself.

And WORK herself writes back...

Thank you so much, Dan. You have no idea how validating it was to read your response. The comments were a bit rough, but I also omitted information that would have cleared things up—like my sole client is elderly and completely impotent. He's also married with children. He has kind of a gross kink that doesn't bother me, which is why I am able to go back and forth with him. He has difficulty finding women who will fulfill it. I loved my boyfriend very much, but I love my young children more. I'm not willing to work 80 hours a week to provide for them when I have a viable alternative that gives me time to be present in their lives every day. Thanks again for making me feel less like a terrible cheater and for acknowledging that disclosure carries risks for a woman in my position.

Regarding my response to the caller on this week's Savage Lovecast who was furious to learn her brand new boyfriend had a female friend...

If you ever read this just please know that THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I just listened to your response to the woman in Savage Lovecast Episode 675 who is mad at/insecure about her boyfriend for having an "emotional affair" with a woman at the point in time when their relationship started. After ten years married to a woman with BPD (recently divorced), I still struggle with PTSD and other issues surrounding the kind of BS this woman is spouting. I was ready to hear you console/pacify her and tell her that her anger and hurt were justified blah blah blah. I am conditioned to think that way still. When you called her out—so concisely—on her complete and utter BS, I started to cry. I am still crying a little. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Fuckin' A - thank you for calling it like it is. I needed to hear that. Thank you for everything that you do.

Regarding my response to Son Of A Cross-Dresser...

As a father/partner who also cross-dresses I was very interested in the letter from Son Of A Cross-Dresser. My girlfriend and teenage daughter know and accept what I do and so I thought your advice was perfect—but there was something both in the letter and your reply that bothered me: the assumption that the father did it for erotic purposes. This is something that is the bugbear of many cross-dressers everywhere and, I believe, contributes to the overall negative attitude and misunderstanding of what we do and why we do it. Please, Dan, for many of us there is zero sexual connection to our desire to dress. It would be great if you could acknowledge this and continue to be the great source of information that you are. Thank you!

Regarding a recent headline...

Dan, I cannot be the only person who inadvertently assumed that the headline "A Dude Licked His Balls—Does He Have To Tell His Wife?" meant that a dude licked his OWN balls. I was so excited for him, Dan, and went straight to, "Of course you don’t have to tell anyone! What you do with yourself is YOUR business BUT WHY WOULDN'T YOU WNAT TO TELL ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY?!?"

You were not the only person who read the headline that way...

Until I clicked, I was convinced the man had licked his own balls while his wife was around and she somehow did not notice.
— ThelmaTurge (@ThelmaTurge) October 1, 2019

The headline does not make it immediately clear there was a third party involved, causing me brief but nearly overwhelming confusion.
— Master of Pants (@darrendesvoigne) October 1, 2019

Same! I was like, wow Pilates really works.
— Adrian 'Barely Sentient Mayonnaise' Wapcaplet (@AdrianWapcapIet) October 2, 2019

Okay, we're going to leave it there. Hope everyone has a great weekend and we'll see you back here on Monday!