Tell us about offshoring your profits, Mark. Tell us.
Tell us about offshoring your profits, Mark. Tell us. SAMUEL CORUM / GETTY IMAGES

Trump is the law, damnit! President Donald Trump called himself “the chief law enforcement officer of the country" while he called for a new trial for his friend and Bond-villain Roger Stone and granted clemency to a handful of white-collar criminals. Attorney General William Barr is in turmoil, apparently. Trump granted full pardons and some commutations to 11 people, among them are Wall Street financiers, the governor who essentially tried to sell Obama's Senate seat after Obama became president, "the junk bond king," and more. You know, people who should not be pardoned.

Some good news: The Blob is dead. You may know it by its more official name: the Northeast Pacific Marine Heatwave of 2019. It covered about 3.2 million square miles and it appears to mostly have dissipated. Scientists aren't convinced it is gone for good, though. The bigger Blob occurred from 2014 to 2016 and significantly altered ocean life. It came back before, and it could come back again.

Facebook is being sued by the IRS: For allegedly offshoring its profits to Ireland. The trial began Tuesday. In it, the Internal Revenue Service will be attempting to prove that Facebook owes more than $9 billion from undervaluing "intellectual property the company sold to an Irish subsidiary in 2010 while building out global operations," according to Fox Business.

The hits keep coming for the 737 MAX: Someone at Boeing must have ticked off a witch or something, because these planes are cursed. During quality control checks, Boeing found debris that mechanics left behind in the 737 MAX's wing fuel tanks. I'm no aerospace engineer, but I don't think that's a place you want debris to be. They're not anticipating it impacting the return of the 737 to market, reports the Seattle Times .

Alleged attempted newborn thief pleads not guilty: Juliette Parker is on trial for allegedly posing as a baby photographer in order to steal the babies. She allegedly drugged the mother and attempted to steal a baby and raise it as her own. She was charged with assault in the second degree and attempted kidnapping in the second degree. Parker's 16-year-old daughter was also charged for her role in the attempted kidnapping. Parker pleaded not guilty.

Vandals cause light-rail delays: Okay, which punk thought it would be cool to fuck with the light rail? Someone at Beacon Hill Station "entered a tunnel cross-passage, opened a standpipe valve, flooded critical electrical components, and disabled the emergency ventilation fan," according to Sound Transit. Northbound platforms at Beacon Hill and Mount Baker Stations are closed until further notice. Sound Transit is hoping to get things patched up by Thursday.

Mostly sunny and dry, baby! That's what I'm talking about. It's another crisp, cool day.

Jack in the Box employee fends off robber: A man allegedly attempted to rob a Jack in the Box in Yakima. He went up to the cashier with his hand in his pocket and said, "I'm robbing you." The cashier simply said, "You're not robbing shit." The robber responded that he was, indeed, robbing the cashier. The cashier said he would beat the robber's ass and asked if the robber wanted to take this outside. The robber left.

Dinosaurs: warm-blooded or cold-blooded? Reptilian or avian? What's your take? The debate is ongoing and it's been reignited by the analysis of some fossilized eggs. Scientists at Yale now believe—due to the "way oxygen and carbon atoms were arranged" in the eggs—that the eggs were formed in a warm-blooded body.

House of tongues: A contractor in Gainesville, Florida, found a hidden crawl space beneath the house he was working on. It contained six jars of human tongues. The jars were gallon sized. Some of the labels were from the 1960s. The house was owned by a pathologist and former professor at the University of Florida. The tongues were supposedly used during his research on thyroid and neck conditions.

Andrew Yang gets a job: He's a CNN political commentator now. The circle of life.

Three journalists are expelled from China: The Chinese government is suspending three journalists' press credentials due to an op-ed that ran in their paper, the Wall Street Journal. China believes the op-ed entitled "China is the real sick man of Asia" had a "racially discriminatory title, triggering indignation and condemnation among the Chinese people and the international community," reports CNN.

Public health officials warn against "excessive optimism": Coronavirus cases in China are slowing. For the second day in a row, less than 2,000 new people contracted the virus. It's been more than two weeks since infection rates were that low. Government officials say that this is a sign that China's intense response to contain the outbreak may be working. The World Health Organization's director-general said that it's too early to tell if this downward trend will continue.

Get that Latino vote at all costs: Amy Klobuchar is seen in this clip trying to appeal to Latino voters. She says that in her fourth-grade Spanish class, she was given the name "Elena" because she couldn't roll her r's.

Love Slog AM/PM?

Rapper shot and killed in home invasion: Pop Smoke was 20 years old. He was killed in his Hollywood Hills home.

Cambridge University academic accused of sexual harassment: He quit teaching back in 2015 after he was investigated on sexual-harassment claims. Now, it turns out, he had published an erotic novel based on his students at the time of the complaints. The novel was published under a pseudonym.

Today's best entertainment options are: A chance to hear inspiring stories from a Seattle bus driver, Book-It's adaptation of Henry James's The Turn of the Screw, and a show with Sex Education soundtracker Ezra Furman. See more on our EverOut Things To Do calendar.