Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson waving at us from quarantine.
Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson waving at us from quarantine. Amy Sussman/ Getty Images

If you're huffy about social distancing: This one is for you. New modeling shows that if we didn't socially distance ourselves, there could be 25,000 infections in King County by April 7. Of those, 400 could die. A paper by a bunch of smart people (scientists and whatnot from the Institute for Disease Modeling, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, and the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center) showed that people staying home and schools being canceled during the snowpocalypse last year significantly reduced the spread of the flu.

Trump announced travel restrictions from Europe: Which... was not on anyone's list of "Helpful Things the President Could Probably Do to Stop the Spread of COVID-19, Like Maybe Paid Sick Leave for Instance." Futures on the Dow Jones showed it opening 1,200 points down. Because futures on the Dow and the S&P 500 exceeded the "5% limit-down," trading was temporarily halted.

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Boeing's stock takes a tumble: It's fallen the most since 1974. Boeing has halted hiring and limited overtime in an attempt to save cash. Its shares dropped more than 18 percent, which sent the Dow Jones down more than 284 points. The whole 737 MAX 8 catastrophe (you know, the one where two of their planes brutally crashed and killed hundreds of people?) mixed with the economic disruption on a global scale due to COVID-19 has been tough on the aerospace company.

The Seattle Aquarium: Is taking a break until April. This will probably be the norm for a lot of our local institutions. I hope the otters have a nice little vacation.

Tom Douglas shut down his restaurants: "We are not able to work and pay our teams if there are no customers, so we have decided to suspend operations. We hope to reopen as soon as these trying times have passed." Douglas is shutting down 12—yes 12—restaurants.

Be like Olive Garden: In a first for the restaurant industry, Olive Garden's parent company, Darden, is offering all of its employees paid sick leave during the COVID-19 outbreak.

Meanwhile, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson are sick: Stars, they're just like us! They get COVID-19! They're not like us, though, in the sense that they can actually get fucking tested when they start to feel ill. The couple was in Australia when they started feeling ill and got tested there. Now they're quarantined.

You know who else is being quarantined? The entire NBA. Rudy Gobert of the Utah Jazz has tested positive for COVID-19. Cycling back through all the people Gobert interacted with, played against, or touched in the last few weeks is dizzying. Are the teams the Jazz has played since March impacted? Everyone Gobert was on a plane with? The reporters whose tape recorders he touched during a press conference? Who knows! The NBA decided to hit pause on the season and pick up where it left off when this thing hopefully blows over. But it's not clear when that will be.

Some weather:

Quick reminder that our planet is also suffering: New analysis is showing that the polar ice caps are melting six times faster than in the 1990s.

Also this pissed me off: In court, "the US Soccer Federation said male players have 'more responsibility' and the men's team 'requires a higher level of skill' than their female counterparts" and that's why they don't pay the women as much. Motherfucker, when was the last time the men's team even qualified for a World Cup let alone won one?

A touch of the virus in Monroe, New York: This guy rode in the trunk of the car back from the airport after finding out his tests came back positive for COVID-19. There's nothing super extraordinary about this case, I just like this guy's response. He's stoked as hell to watch Game of Thrones during his quarantine.

Princess cruises is suspending operations worldwide: For 60 days.

Why didn't we think of this? Japanese store puts a curse on its toilet rolls to prevent thefts.

Hell is empty and the devils are here: The Masked Singer is a fucked-up fever dream, and it's even worse now because one of the masked singers on the show was just revealed to be Sarah Palin.

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It's my birthday: It doesn't really feel like a birthday, what with all the bad news and social distancing. Let me know if you have any creative ideas for how to carve out any time or space to feel positive when everything feels like it's crumbling! Not to be dramatic, but also I do love to be dramatic.

Harry gets duped: Prince Harry was prank called by Russians pretending to be teen climate activist Greta Thunberg and her dad. In the conversation, he said stuff about how the world is "run by sick people" and that Donald Trump had blood on his hands.

Today's best entertainment options are: Capitol Hill Art Walk and the ByDesign Festival. See more on our EverOut Things To Do calendar.

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