This isnt helping!!!
This isn't helping!!! Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

By now you've heard the news: The Stranger was gutted on Friday. The financials during this outbreak have been, to say the least, fucking awful. Our company lost entire departments in charge of making our print product happen (which, by the way, RIP print product) and existing departments were chipped away at until just a few of us were left standing. The future is precarious. We're still around and we'll be working until the lights go out. In the meantime, read us, find the people who no longer work here and keep reading them, and I dunno, donate if you can.

Wall Street is expected to crash again: Stocks fell more than 10% on Monday. Despite the Federal Reserve's promise to buy billions of dollars of government debt and to cut interest rates significantly, investors are scared and the market is tanking. The worry is that people will stop spending and, really, no one is. Unless, of course, it's all the toilet paper in the greater Seattle area and then, yeah, people are fucking spending.

Things that did not age well:

Hey, shoppers, why don't you chill out? Empty shelves are doing more harm than good at grocery stores across the state, according to the Washington Department of Health. The DOH is urging people to "“leave some for their neighbors.” Look, I don't know about you but my roommate had to go to Shoreline to find somewhere that was selling toilet paper. Yes, she is a hero. No, she shouldn't have to do that.

An Oregon town is on the same page: Newport, Oregon is asking its residents to please stop calling 911 when they run out of toilet paper.

An EvergreenHealth doctor has tested positive for COVID-19: A doctor working in the emergency room of the Kirkland hospital at the center of the King County COVID-19 outbreak has tested positive for COVID-19. The doctor is in his 40s. An initial test done last Tuesday came back negative. But. the doctor started having symptoms later in the week. Another test came back positive.

It's getting real: As you've probably already seen, Gov. Jay Inslee has announced that restaurants, bars, and facilities like fitness centers and other recreational spaces will be shut down. This comes from a Center for Disease recommendation for shutting down these places nationwide for at least eight weeks. These new rules go into effect on Monday.

Maybe a positive? Hey, did you know that fare enforcement has been suspended during the outbreak?

Just listen to the public health recommendations, people: Here's footage of police clearing Bourbon Street in New Orleans. Self-isolation is for the greater good!

A clinical trial for a COVID-19 vaccine is starting: The clinical trial for a vaccine to prevent against COVID-19 will start in Seattle on Monday. It's being funded by the National Institutes of Health and is top secret. Though, someone leaked it to KOMO so how top-secret can it be?

Guy who stockpiled hand sanitizer is being investigated: For price gouging. The Tennessee man gave his actual real first and last name to the New York Times for a profile where he boasted about having 17,700 bottles of hand sanitizer and that his plan was to resell them on Amazon. He said he would donate the bottles but he's still being investigated for price gouging.

Man sentenced for deadliest attack in Japan: Since World War II. The man, a worker at a care home, was sentenced to hang for his 2016 murders of 19 disabled people. The man also injured two dozen others. All was done while wielding a knife.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his small farm animals: Want you to stay at home.

ISIS is advising its terrorists to wash their hands: The Islamic State is subscribing to best COVID-19 practices and is urging its terrorists to avoid coronavirus-stricken Europe. In the group's newsletter, editors advised against attacking the West. A first for that newsletter.

Chicago aquarium lets penguins out of habitats: The animals are being deprived of a lot of stimuli since aquariums across the country are shuttering due to COVID-19. At the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, caretakers let a group of rockhopper penguins explore.

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Oh right, the debate: Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders faced each other on the debate stage on Sunday. There was no live audience present. The two candidates attacked each other's voting records. The biggest takeaway, it seems, is that Biden pledged to pick a female vice president. Biden's performance was better than in any of the last debates and commentators are convinced he's going to sweep Tuesday's primaries.

Trump is considering pardoning Michael Flynn: He was tweeting about it.

Quarantine starts in Spain: