Can relate.
Can relate. LUCIAN3D / ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS

House impeachment managers have called on Trump to testify IN PERSON and under oath at his upcoming Senate trial (opening arguments start at the beginning of next week)—though he immediately refused. This makes us sad/happy, because on one hand, we really wanted to see him ruthlessly grilled. On the other, we'd prefer to never hear his weird, lying voice ever again.

Meanwhile Democrats forced a vote on whether or not to remove the committee assignments from QAnon crackpot and lizard people-and-space-laser believer Marjorie Taylor Greene, which in turn revealed which Republicans also support Greene, space lasers, and lizard people. (Just for the record, we fucking hate lizard people.) The vote? "In a move without precedent in the modern Congress, the House voted 230 to 199—over near-unanimous Republican opposition—to remove Ms. Greene from the Education and Budget Committees," writes the New York Times. Here's a list of the Republicans who voted with Dems to strip MTG of her committee assignments:

Adam Kinzinger (IL), Brian Fitzpatrick (PA), Nicole Malliotakis (NY), John Katko (NY), Fred Upton (MI), Carlos Gimenez (FL), Chris Jacobs (NY), Young Kim (CA), Maria Salazar (FL), Chris Smith (NJ), and Mario Diaz Balart (FL).

In case you're interested in what space-laser lady had to say...

Cancel your fucking Super Bowl plans: And then read these coronavirus updates from Rich.

Cheers to Nastasia Xavier: The 33-year-old mother of two from Pilot Station, Alaska, has been at the UW Medical Center hospitalized for COVID-19 for almost 50 days. She was airlifted to Seattle for more intensive care after coronavirus complications, and today she is expected to be discharged. Elise Takahama has a feature on Xavier over at the Seattle Times. Safe travels back to Alaska!

President Joe Biden (ah, still nice to say that) approved federal aid for Eastern Washington towns burned by fires last summer: Trump would not approve the funds for Jay Inslee's state—remember when he called Inslee a snake?—but Biden's letting the relief fundssssss flow. "No one should play politics with disaster relief," said Sen. Cantwell today. It's time to rebuild Malden and Pine City.

In very promising Busy Bee Biden news: The White House is reviewing whether it can take unilateral action to CANCEL FEDERAL STUDENT LOAN DEBT, which would go a very long way in putting our economy back on track. In other news, if you are against this because you had to repay student loans, get away from us, you're a monster.

Wisconsin prosecutors are asking for an arrest warrant and bond increase for accused teenage Kenosha protest murderer Kyle Rittenhouse (unbelievably released from jail pending trial), who refused to notify authorities of his change in address, and was seen partying with Proud Boys in a bar wearing a shirt that read "Free as Fuck." Let's make him wear a different T-shirt... We're thinking of something with horizontal stripes.

It's a good year for drugs: Oregon just decriminalized the possession of small amounts of cocaine, heroin, and other drugs, and today Washington state lawmakers announced similar plans, reports Melissa Santos at Crosscut. If passed, a new bill introduced by Representatives Lauren Davis and Kirsten Harris-Talley would decriminalize the possession of certain amounts of all drugs. "Arrest and incarceration do not treat the root causes of substance use disorder," reads the bill. "Treating substance abuse disorder like a crime through arrests and incarceration further disrupts and destabilizes the lives of these individuals." The bill is just a bill, yes, only a bill, yaddayaddayadda you know how this works.

We're no experts on the war in Yemen, but Annelle Sheline is and she has a good piece on Biden ending US support for the war right here.

Voting tech company Smartmatic has slapped FOX News (and co-conspirator/pants-tugger Rudy Ghouliani) with a $2.7 billion lawsuit for their intentional election "disinformation campaign": They say it put their company in danger.

This is bad, baby! Some baby food brands contain, ugh, arsenic and other heavy metals, and the government isn't doing nearly enough to stop it. The TL;DR from the Baby Food Report is that ARSENIC, LEAD, CADMIUM, and MERCURY were found in every brand tested.

Housekeeping: Let the bells ring and the confetti fall! The HUMP! 2021 Film Festival is NOW STREAMING ONLINE, featuring an array of hot 'n' horny amateur dirty flicks submitted by hot people like YOU. Get your tickets pronto!

I howled at this headline: Trump, facing expulsion, resigns from Screen Actors Guild

Oh, god. The letter he wrote. We have to publish it in full:

Ms. Carteris:
I write to you today regarding the so-called Disciplinary Committee hearing aimed at revoking my union membership. Who cares!

While I’m not familiar with your work, I’m very proud of my work on movies such as Home Alone 2, Zoolander and Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps; and television shows including The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Saturday Night Live, and of course, one of the most successful shows in television history, The Apprentice – to name just a few!

I’ve also greatly helped the cable news television business (said to be a dying platform with not much time left until I got involved in politics), and created thousands of jobs at networks such as MSDNC and Fake News CNN, among many others.

Which brings me to your blatant attempt at free media attention to distract from your dismal record as a union. Your organization has done little for its members, and nothing for me – besides collecting dues and promoting dangerous un-American policies and ideas – as evident by your massive unemployment rates and lawsuits from celebrated actors, who even recorded a video asking, “Why isn’t the union fighting for me?”

These, however, are policy failures. Your disciplinary failures are even more egregious.

I no longer wish to be associated with your union.

As such, this letter is to inform you of my immediate resignation from SAG-AFTRA. You have done nothing for me.

Regards,
President Donald J. Trump

Love Slog AM/PM?

Here's a PDF if you want to remember what his signature looks like.

And finally, this cat may indeed be an idiot... but it's also a good metaphor for our state of mind after nearly a year of being in lockdown.

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