Your favorite internet personalities magically jump off the computer screen and into real life this weekend as Stranger staff writer Jas Keimig and former editor Chase Burns present this series of films that you canโ€™t find anywhere online (legally, at least).

Burns and Keimig have an encyclopedic knowledge of lost media. Through their Unstreamable columnโ€”now published on Scarecrow Video’s blogโ€”they’ve written more than 350 (!) blurbs and reviews about offbeat, forgotten, and otherwise unobtainable pieces of cinematic history. Now theyโ€™ll share some of their favorite unstreamable films on the big screen, starting with Bob Fosseโ€™s 1979 hit All That Jazz.

Itโ€™s a crime that you canโ€™t watch this movie onlineโ€”this screening is going to be a rare treat. I mean, holy cow, look at this cast: Roy Scheider, Jessica Lange, Ann Reinking, Ben Vereen, John Lithgow, and Wallace Shawn, with Ethel Merman on the soundtrack. Gosh. Future titles include The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (making a real hard left on the tone, there), Cowboy Bebop: The Movie, and Drew Barrymoreโ€™s Poison Ivy from 1992.

Unstreamable’s series at Northwest Film Forum starts with All That Jazz on September 10 and 11, and continues with through January.

Matt Baume covered geek culture, queer news, and city infrastructure, and would leap at the flimsiest of excuses to write about furries. A writer, podcaster, and videomaker, he resides on Capitol Hill...