Central Cinema’s TV Dinner series features classic television shows presented in a cinema offering full beer, wine, and food service. Tonight pits the drunken bitches of Absolutely Fabulous against the cheesecake-eating darlings of The Golden Girls, with two classic episodes of each series going head-to-head on the big screen. If history holds true, you’ll howl in horror at AbFab’s Eddy and Patsy, then have your heart melted by the impromptu, full-audience sing-along of The Golden Girls theme. (Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave, www.central-cinema.com, 7 pm, $5 food voucher reserves a seat, all ages)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...