The Stranger’s legendary amateur porn festival returns with its biggest, boner-iest year yet. HUMP! 2012 drew a record-breaking number of submissions, guaranteeing a show with something to delight, disgust, and hornify everyone. (Dear everyone who feels iffy about watching porn with and starring your fellow city dwellers: It’s weirdly sweet and communal.) Among this year’s submission titles: When You Wank Upon a Star, D&D Orgy, Pie Sluts, Best Slumber Party Ever. (SIFF Cinema at the Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave N, strangertickets.com, 7 and 9:30 pm, $23, 21+)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...