Exhibit A: This video from the Church of God in Christ, which held its 107th Holy Convocation in St. Louis this past weekend. The official description accompanying the clip on YouTube: “A young man received deliverance from the spirit of homosexuality during the Saturday night altar call after Supt. Earl Carter preached the fire down from heaven.” Key quote (transcribed by Towleroad): “I would not date a man! I would not carry a purse! I would not put on make-up! I will, I will love a women!”

Exhibit B: This audio clip from Jehovah’s Witness leader Anthony Morris III, denouncing the ungodliness of tight-fitting clothes. Key points: Spanx are evidence of an unsound mind, and tight pants for men are a diabolical plot by homosexual fashion designers to see men in tight pants. Enjoy!

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...