I first fell for Varla Jean Merman in Girls Will Be Girls,
the camp-cinema classic in which the voluptuous ingenue-for-life blows
johns, eats lots, and lights up the screen like the illegitimate
love child of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman (which she claims to
be). Tonight, performer Jeffery Roberson brings Varla’s one-woman show
to Re-bar. What she can do with Cheez Whiz will astound you.
(Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, brownpapertickets.com. 8 pm, $25,
21+. Also Sat April 12.)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...