I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a year. We met on FetLife and I was honest about being in an open relationship (at the time) and seeking a sexual connection over a relationship. But one nut after another and pretty soon we were professing our love for each other and he shared that he wanted to be the father of my children. However, right before he moved in I found out he was still texting other women despite asking me not to text, sext, or have sex with any other men. He also regularly “yucks my yum” and makes fun of the types of porn I watch and calls it “gross” (my thing for cuckolding being his main target) and he also insists men can’t be friends with women yet he’s still friends with women he’s had sex with. He hides the fact he is masturbating from me but expects to participate in all my masturbation sessions. He claims we have no sexual secrets but I snooped and learned he was looking at porn with titles like “TS,” “sissy,” “gay,” and “BBW Black.” It makes me feel small because of the nagging feeling I may not be his cup of tea since he hides these other interests from me while not allowing me to hide nothing from him. I also worry that his “affection” for my black BBW ass may be no different than his objectification of trans women. He says he doesn’t want to “burden” me with “rapey” sex play but I am open to all kinds of sex, not just the softcore-porn-type kind—so long as he doesn’t start by rubbing my boobs like they’re doorknobs. I am at my wits end. I already emailed an LGBTQIA+ friendly couples counselor because we are both scared the relationship will end. But I can’t keep turning a blind eye to his half-truths, double standards, and hypocrisy.
Feeling Extremely Tense