[Ed. note: This review is based on the fallacy that art is about its content and not its form. We know fallacies are false.]
The first two results in a Google search for “bears” are (1) the Chicago Bears and (2) bears (gay guys)—instead of, you know, ACTUAL BEARS. The internet is a disrespectful fuck.
It is no secret among people who know my secrets that I am a slightly creepy bear mega-enthusiast and honorary doctor of bear science (the internet is good for some things, such as pretending to be a doctor). My number-one favorite Wikipedia page is “List of fatal bear attacks in North America.” If I had $400, I would own a furry, bear-shaped footstool that cost $400. I sleep with two stuffed bears, one of whom is named Mr. Bear and the other of whom went nameless for 23 years until a friend dubbed him Osito, which seems appropriate because his stature is smaller than that of Mr. Bear, and also he enjoys tapas (to be fair, this has less to do with my bear enthusiasm and more to do with the fact that I am an unsettling child-woman who refuses to grow up). I have long dreamed of doing a weekly podcast titled Bear Talk in which I talk bears (their habits, habitats, foods, fears, likes, dislikes, turn-ons, turnoffs, and whatever is going on in bear culture that week. Currently accepting sponsorships!). [Ed. note: This paragraph is long.] For years, I had my hairdresser do my hair in “grizzly bear colors”—like, darker underneath with a lighter, frostier topcoat—so that maybe, if I were ever to find myself confronted by a she-bear in the forest, she might feel a faint follicular kinship and consent to accompany me back to civilization where I would teach her the ways of humans and maybe we would form a family band. I am really, really into bears, you guys. Is that enough bear cred for you? Now please stop asking, because it’s currently taking everything I have to resist making a pun that involves the words “my long-form bearth certificate” and—there. Now look what you’ve done.
Anyway. Let’s talk less about me and more about what bears are doing RIGHT NOW! (Answer: Just looking for snacks, pretty much all the time.) At this moment, wherever you are, you are probably less than 20 miles from a wild bear (even fewer miles if you count zoos, but fuck zoos, obviously). Bears are near. Just a few weeks ago, a little black bear found its way into the city of Lynnwood and ran around until it was shot to death by frightened humans. Little black bears aside, if you are in Seattle, you are maybe 100 miles from a grizzly bear, 1,900 miles from a polar bear, and 6,300 miles from a panda bear. [Ed. note: A lot of math went into that segment. It involved the city in China nearest the panda bear sanctuary, its latitude and longitude, and the distance from here because, weirdly, there is not a website called www.howfarawayisabearfromme.com.] [Ed. note: Okay, that Ed. note was written by Lindy.] It is not such a great idea to seek these bears out, though. They are busy, or they might eat you (especially if you are made of fish or bamboo).
Fortunately for you, you are much, much closer to Seattle artist Scott Fife’s current show, Bear Season, at Platform Gallery, and those are bears that you should visit. [Ed. note: This is the art that Lindy West was assigned to review.] It is a small show, and a wonderful one. You enter, and first there are the bear heads—grizzly, polar, panda—made from recycled paper and screws (just like Fife’s Kurt Cobain head that you surely saw on tens of millions of SAM posters last summer). The heads are calm and smell like wood glue and cardboard. They regard you indifferently. They are big—impossibly big, comically big, as big as a boulder or an oven or half a car. I asked the man in charge whether the bear heads were life-size, and felt disappointed when he replied, predictably, “No.” But then—then!!!—”Real bears are slightly bigger.” [Ed. note: This man’s name is Stephen Lyons. His bear cred is untested. He is a good art dealer, though. Nice guy.]
On the wall to the right of the bear heads are three rearing, inky grizzlies—drawings on paper—in various stages of completion. “What about those?” I asked. Are real bears so tall? These grizzlies must be 10 feet at the shoulder. “Taller,” was the answer. I jumped. This was the best possible news. As humans, we like things to be as big as possible or as small as possible. A blue whale, a giant squid, a teacup poodle, one of those runty golden finger monkeys… who has the patience for a medium-size animal?
[Ed. note: In art terms, these grizzlies might remind you of Seattle artist Brian Murphy, who paints self-portraits this same way. And he is something of a handsome bear.]
The big art grizzlies are dangerous but not malevolent, like the ocean, or [insert simile], or really anything that isn’t some asshole human person. [Ed. note: Art has a whole history of expression of the “sublime” that disagrees with the idea that the ocean is not malevolent, but FINE. I guess the sublime is just an asshole human invention.] All of this causes a bear-obsessed child-woman (who is already planning a trip back to Platform to spend more time with the bears) to wonder what the fuck it is she likes so much about bears. It’s the danger and the bigness and the fur, for sure—
[Ed. note: End.] 
As much as I love Lindy West’s articles and hold her in regard as the most interesting, funny, relevant, and contemporary of all the Stranger writers by far this is an insult to an artist that deserved more. Someone with as much history and accomplishment as Scott Fife deserves more, not that Jen is necessarily capable of a great review, but this is the kind of backhanded shit that she loves to dump on people outside her little “clique of bullshit artists” in this town, and as much as you love bears Lindy, not a good effort.
That said, this is a VERY interesting article by Jerry Saltz that ‘bears’ reading. It is painfully indicative of what the conversation has been about in this town, Jen, LP, and others.
http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/veni…
What kind of bear is best?
I enjoyed the read, but if I had actually clicked on the story out of artistic curiosity, I’d be kinda pissed.
NORTHWEST MYSTIC BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVES.
JERRY SALTZ IS REHASHING SOME TITE STUFF FROM LOS 90’S, I SAW THIS GUY SAY WE SHOULD STOMP THE 90S AND THEN RECANT AND FRANKLY I WAS UBER UMLAUT BUMMED.
LINDY JUS BE THE QUIETEST PLZ I RLY DON CARE. MYSTIC PLZ BE THE MASOCH, I’LL INFLICT UR PAIN. THE VENICE OLYMPICS, THE DOCUMENTA WORLD CUP, THE NEW YORK WORD SERIES.
WELCOME TO THE TERRORDOME MAESTRO, MUSE, MYSTIC. WELCOME TO KANYE WEST’S BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE AND GEORGE CONDO’S VAPID CONSUMER TEACHINGS TO HIS CHILDREN (I HEARD HIS DAUGHTER IS CORRUPTING OTHER PPL IN NEW YORK) (IS IT KANYE’S DAUGHTER OR CONDO’S???? WHO KNOWS I HEARD KANYE RAP ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER.)
Google customizes your search results based on your previous search history. When I search for “bears” my first hit is the Wikipedia article about bears. So I don’t know what you’ve been searching for…
Actually, scratch that, I could probably hazard a pretty good guess what you’ve been searching for.
I had the same delighted reaction to this show. His heads have so much gravity and weight to them, they seem ready to tackle you teeth-to-face.
I love reading Jen’s take on local art, but so much has already been written on Fife’s work that this was a fun little treat.
It won’t derail his career to have one jokey review (ahem, @1) and might even send new viewers his way who would otherwise be uninterested in a more intellectual review.
Since I work for a group that works to save grizzly bears in Lindy’s own 20 miles [Ed. note: ok, a little farther, the North Cascades], AND I love non-ism-laden art reviews where people speak from the heart and head without the saddlebags of their overpriced art history education…I kind of loved this review. Don’t know that I know tons more about the actual art at hand, but the ride itself was a blast, and I’d rather make up my own mind about the art anyway. Thanks!
@4 unregistered(mystikal nor’west): I guess when rich spoiled bratz don’t have to be in touch with the real world or reality cuz money comes from Granny’s magik kash machine-all the worlds nuttin’ but a big mystikal stage where yer freestylin’ right along Kanye being the shit. Yet again-tired and rehashed.
Go back to college…
#1 good job for saying everything I had to say.
man i just got ethered!!!!!
are you coming to our party later?
Please give Lindy West a column about bears.
There is a show about cardboard bears. If you want to BS about what the bears “mean” or “are” beyond being giant cardboard bears that are giant and bearlike, that’s probably not as interesting as the fact that they are giant cardboard bears.
Notes: it’s easy to typo “bears” as “beards.” Suggestion: giant cardboard beards.
Lindy, you’d probably enjoy the song from Game of Thrones entitled, “The Bear and the Maiden Fair”.
“A bear there was,”
“A bear, A BEAR!
“All black and brown,”
“And covered with hair!
“Oh come they said,”
“Oh come to the fair!”
“The fair? said he,
“But I’m a bear!”
“All black and brown,”
“And covered in hair!”
“And down the road,”
“From here to there,”
“From here!To there!”
“Three boys, a goat,”
“And a dancing bear!”
“They danced and spun,”
“All the way to the fair!”
“Oh! sweet she was,”
“And pure and fair,”
“The maid with honey,”
“In her hair! Her hair,”
“The maid with honey,”
“in her hair!”
The bear smelled the scent,
“On the summer air!”
“The Bear! The Bear!”
“All black and brown,”
“And covered with hair!”
“He smelled the scent,”
“On the summer air,”
“He sniffed and roared,”
“And smelled it there!”
“Honey on the summer air!”
“Oh I’m a maid,”
“And I’m pure and fair,”
“I’ll never dance,”
“With a hairy bear,”
“A bear! A bear!”
“I’ll never dance,”
“With a hairy bear!”
“The bear,the bear!”
“Lifted her high,”
into the air!”
The bear, the bear!”
“I called for a knight!”
“But you’re a bear!”
“A bear! A bear,”
“All black and brown,”
“And cover in hair!”
“She kicked and wailed,”
“The maid so fair,”
“But he licked the honey,”
“From her hair!”
“Her hair! Her hair!”
“He licked the honey,”
“From her hair!”
“Then she sighed and sqealed,”
“And kicked the air,”
“She sang: My bear so fair,”
“And off they went,”
“The bear! The bear!”
“And the maiden fair!”
Lindy, you’d probably enjoy the song from Game of Thrones entitled, “The Bear and the Maiden Fair”.
“A bear there was,”
“A bear, A BEAR!
“All black and brown,”
“And covered with hair!
“Oh come they said,”
“Oh come to the fair!”
“The fair? said he,
“But I’m a bear!”
“All black and brown,”
“And covered in hair!”
“And down the road,”
“From here to there,”
“From here!To there!”
“Three boys, a goat,”
“And a dancing bear!”
“They danced and spun,”
“All the way to the fair!”
“Oh! sweet she was,”
“And pure and fair,”
“The maid with honey,”
“In her hair! Her hair,”
“The maid with honey,”
“in her hair!”
The bear smelled the scent,
“On the summer air!”
“The Bear! The Bear!”
“All black and brown,”
“And covered with hair!”
“He smelled the scent,”
“On the summer air,”
“He sniffed and roared,”
“And smelled it there!”
“Honey on the summer air!”
“Oh I’m a maid,”
“And I’m pure and fair,”
“I’ll never dance,”
“With a hairy bear,”
“A bear! A bear!”
“I’ll never dance,”
“With a hairy bear!”
“The bear,the bear!”
“Lifted her high,”
into the air!”
The bear, the bear!”
“I called for a knight!”
“But you’re a bear!”
“A bear! A bear,”
“All black and brown,”
“And cover in hair!”
“She kicked and wailed,”
“The maid so fair,”
“But he licked the honey,”
“From her hair!”
“Her hair! Her hair!”
“He licked the honey,”
“From her hair!”
“Then she sighed and sqealed,”
“And kicked the air,”
“She sang: My bear so fair,”
“And off they went,”
“The bear! The bear!”
“And the maiden fair!”
LINDY WEST! IF YOU WANT I WILL HIBERNATE WITH YOU, BUT ONLY IF YOU WANNA! Also, nice write up.