28 years old, female, 59, 263 lbs. Credit: Kelly O
28 years old, female, 59, 263 lbs.
  • Kelly O
  • 28 years old, female, 5’9″, 263 lbs.

This is my body (over there—see it?). I have lived in this body my whole life. I have wanted to change this body my whole life. I have never wanted anything as much as I have wanted a new body. I am aware every day that other people find my body disgusting. I always thought that some day—when I finally stop failing—I will become smaller, and when I become smaller literally everything will get better (I’ve heard It Gets Better)! My life can begin! I will get the clothes that I want, the job that I want, the love that I want. It will be great! Think how great it will be to buy some pants or whatever at J. Crew. Oh, man. Pants. Instead, my body stays the same.

There is not a fat person on earth who hasn’t lived this way. Clearly this is a TERRIBLE WAY TO EXIST. Also, strangely enough, it did not cause me to become thin. So I do not believe any of it anymore, because fuck it very much.

This is my body. It is MINE. I am not ashamed of it in any way. In fact, I love everything about it. Men find it attractive. Clothes look awesome on it. My brain rides around in it all day and comes up with funny jokes. Also, I don’t have to justify its awesomeness/attractiveness/healthiness/usefulness to anyone, because it is MINE. Not yours.

I’m not going to spend a bunch of time blogging about fat acceptance here (but please read this), because other writers have already done it much more eloquently, thoroughly, and radically than I ever could. But I do feel obligated to try to explain what this all means.

You asked me for links, Dan, so here are some links for you. There are plenty more, but if you want me to go through each one and explain to you how these words and implications hurt and shame people, you’re going to have to pay me overtime (in Doritos!!!!!). I get that you think you’re actually helping people and society by contributing to the fucking Alp of shame that crushes every fat person every day of their lives—the same shame that makes it a radical act for me to post a picture of my body and tell you how much it weighs. But you’re not helping. Shame doesn’t work. Diets don’t work. Shame is a tool of oppression, not change.

Fat people already are ashamed. It’s taken care of. No further manpower needed on the shame front, thx. I am not concerned with whether or not fat people can change their bodies through self-discipline and “choices.” Pretty much all of them have tried already. A couple of them have succeeded. Whatever. My question is, what if they try and try and try and still fail? What if they are still fat? What if they are fat forever? What do you do with them then? Do you really want millions of teenage girls to feel like they’re trapped in unsightly lard prisons that are ruining their lives, and on top of that it’s because of their own moral failure, and on top of that they are ruining America with the terribly expensive diabetes that they don’t even have yet? You know what’s shameful? A complete lack of empathy.

And if you really claim to still be confused—”Nu uh! I never said anything u guyz srsly!”—there can be no misunderstanding shit like this:

I am thoroughly annoyed at having my tame statements of fact—being heavy is a health risk; rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly—characterized as “hate speech.”

Ha!

1. “Rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly” is in no way a “tame statement of fact.” It is not a fact at all—it is an incredibly cruel, subjective opinion that reinforces destructive, paternalistic, oppressive beauty ideals. I am not unsightly. No one deserves to be told that they’re unsightly. But this is what’s behind this entire thing—it’s not about “health,” it’s about “eeeewwwww.” You think fat people are icky. Eeeewww, a fat person might touch you on a plane. With their fat! Eeeeewww! Coincidentally, that’s the same feeling that drives anti-gay bigots, no matter what excuses they drum up about “family values” and, yes, “health.” It’s all “eeeewwwww.” And sorry, I reject your eeeeeewwww.

2. You are not concerned about my health. Because if you were concerned about my health, you would also be concerned about my mental health, which has spent the past 28 years being slowly eroded by statements like the above. Also, you don’t know anything about my health. You do happen to be the boss of me, but you are not the doctor of me. You have no idea what I eat, how much I exercise, what my blood pressure is, or whether or not I’m going to get diabetes. Not that any of that matters, because it is entirely none of your business.

3. “But but but my insurance premiums!!!” Bullshit. You live in a society with other people. I don’t have kids, but I pay taxes that fund schools. The idea that we can somehow escape affecting each other is deeply conservative. Barbarous, even. Is that really what you’re going for? Good old-fashioned American individualism? Please.

4. But most importantly: I reject this entire framework. I don’t give a shit what causes anyone’s fatness. It’s irrelevant and it’s none of my business. I am not making excuses, because I have nothing to excuse. I reject the notion that thinness is the goal, that thin = better—that I am an unfinished thing and that my life can really start when I lose weight. That then I will be a real person and have finally succeeded as a woman. I am not going to waste another second of my life thinking about this. I don’t want to have another fucking conversation with another fucking woman about what she’s eating or not eating or regrets eating or pretends to not regret eating to mask the regret. OOPS I JUST YAWNED TO DEATH.

If you really want change to happen, if you really want to “help” fat people, you need to understand that shaming an already-shamed population is, well, shameful. Do you know what happened as soon as I rejected all this shit and fell in unconditional luuuuurve with my entire body? I started losing weight. Immediately. WELL LA DEE FUCKING DA.

Eds. note: Dan Savage’s response is over here.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

1,400 replies on “Hello, I Am Fat”

  3. Love it, you’ve said it all. I concur being kind, sensitive, encouraging and supportive of oursleves and others is practicing good mental health habits. So important in overall scheme of things. Stay amazing

  5. It seems that being listed on the most commented list is a source of some pride for Stranger writers. But I noticed that this post doesn’t appear on the most commented list anymore. Why?

  6. @922: You are assuming that all fat people are fat b/c they overeat, are addicted to food, or don’t know/care about health risks. I think that if people continually respond to Lindy’s article by focusing on the health risks of being overweight, they are continually missing the point of her article; I do not think that you as an individual with overweight friends (thanks for qualifying your authority on the matter!) are not empathetic. And as I emphasized before, I know, WE ALL are aware of the health concerns, so let’s please move on to the actual point of Lindy’s article…

    which is about the social consequences of being overweight in America, and how discrimination against overweight people is often masked simply as “health concerns”. Loving one’s body, being loved, finding happiness, enjoying life, etc etc should never be directly tied to being thin.

  8. Wow. Thank you. I truly needed this post today. Thank you for sticking up for the voiceless women who don’t know yet how much our society is hurting them and are still stuck in the shame-cycle. The young girls who have never been told that they are anything but fat and need to lose weight to be loved, be successful, be happy. For those of us who are older and should know better, but still struggle under the burden of being “too fat” in this society. Thank you for reminding me that my resolve to “not care” has been shaky as of late and providing a much needed boost.

  9. Point of order, 254 – gay men suffer from this as intensely as women, because we are BOTH trying to attract men (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

    Until those of us who don’t mind being large finally stopped listening to people who wanted to tell us how we had to look. I’m full on with Lindy on this – and I’m glad she’s come to this same conclusion. No one gets to tell us who we have to be.

  10. Lindy is sexy, and I would love to do it to her all day, and all damn night long… HARD! I would totally pound her pussy into submission, and obliterate it, and de-fucking-STROY it, Baby! YEAH!

  11. Lindy West is sexy, and I would love to do it to her all day, and all damn night long… HARD! I would totally pound her pussy into submission, and obliterate it, and de-fucking-STROY it, Baby! YEAH!

  12. I found this linked through someone else’s blog and I appreciate this so much. I was a dancer most of my young life and being slender was a big deal in that world. I was always bigger, but I could dance just as well as the rest of them. In fact, I often won performance awards over the skinnier girls.
    I started university this year and gained the freshman fifteen. I was having a really bad “fat day” today, but reading this made me realize how much bullshit there is out there about weight. I am healthy, I am just not stick thin.
    Thank you thank you thank you. You are gorgeous inside and out.

  13. does he think he’s winning by not giving in? by pretending he didn’t mean that? why doesn’t he just fucking say he was wrong. why doesn’t he just thank you for bringing this perspective. he’s not winning, you just won, game, set, match. it was a privilege to read this post, you are an inspiration

  14. I think I am a johnny-come-lately, and admit to not having read Savage’s response to this trulty wonderful post (thanks Lindy!), but, while I think it is good to call out the asshole-in-chief, er, editor of our favorite local gossip rag, I think that if we look at Dan’s reactions to fat people, trans people, and other folks that don’t fit Dan’s privileged, liberal world.

    The idea that people can just try harder, the bootstrap mythos, works really well for those who are no longer quite facing as much oppression as they used to be facing. It is, and always has been really nice to feel like we are better than someone, anyone, else. This is built in to the logic of capitalism, and Dan (and the stranger) certainly want nothing to do with actually confronting that.

    Is this a comment on your post or just hate mail for Dan Savage and the Stranger? I don’t know or care. But I appreciate your having written what you’ve written Lindy, and please keep it up.

  15. Wow! This is so inspiring! As an overweight woman myself, I have only ever been critiqued and bullied about my figure; even from friends and family. Every day of my life is spent with my own mum telling me how no one in society will accept me because of my unnatural figure. I have to thank you greatly for posting this, and giving me a new insight onto how to live my life. If only people understood that big people need love and not criticism everyday of their lives…

  16. How is being gay not a choice? If you’re a man, don’t have sex with men, have sex with women instead. If you’re a woman, don’t have sex with women, have sex with men instead. Where is the trick? So you may still have feelings that go against nature, like eating when you’re fat goes against nature. If you’re hungry, don’t act on it–you can be normal If you’re gay–don’t act on it, you can be normal.

  17. Thank you – thank you – thank you Lindy. I wish all teenaged girls who listen to the bullshit and start killing themselves to fit the ideal could read this – and be free from the amount of unchecked stupid that exists in this society.

  18. no,that’s not true.Im sorry but I really tried it,like you said I tried diets whole my life.Im only 19 and sometimes I stop and ask myself : Why do I have to suffer so much just because I love eating things.Im not a girl who eats everything she finds,or too many food.I just love high calory things,junk food too much.Its like I’ve been trapped.And last year I said I quit,I just quit.And guess what happens ? another 20 pounds,cracks all over my body,I cant roll my sleeves.My feet does have a problem with bearing me all day,they sometimes hurt.What should I do ? I quit and eat and the result : ı am UNHAPPY.I diet all the time and the result is i am UNHAPPY.sometimes I just want to close myself somewhere and wait there until I die.

  19. Know what? Fuck fat acceptance! You don’t have to accept that your fat. I was pretty fat last summer, weighing in at 235 lbs at 5’11”. When I took off my shirt I looked like a fucking beached whale and people would look at me and laugh. One day I took a long look at myself in the mirror and realized the person that I saw was not who I wanted to be. I decided to run every day, lift weights and eat properly and guess what? I lost weight, I got smaller, and life did get better. When you finally realize you can’t live life to the fullest when you are as overweight as you probably are then maybe you can achieve what you never even thought was possible before.

  20. THANK YOU, LINDY!!! THAT WAS THE MOST INFLUENTIAL YET NON-PERSONAL BIT OF WISDOM THAT I’VE HEARD IN YEARS!!!! KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK & CONTINUE TO ENCOURAGE THOSE OF US THAT NEEDED THAT INSPIRATIONAL VITAMIN!!!! XO!!!

  21. Really great post. Weight is weight and health is something else. Dan Savage has some real issues – I honestly don’t think he likes women very much, or bisexuals for that matter. I personally can say for sure that when I was thinner, I was much *less* healthy because it was the result of an exercise disorder, and I think some of the points you make are really relevant about how we treat our bodies and how they have to be able to support us through life. I also know from experience that life isn’t necessarily better and doesn’t start when we’re *thin* – it’s a myth we even sometimes buy when we lose weight and then blame ourselves if everything else isn’t fixed. It sells products, but creates unreasonable expectations.

  22. Really great post. Weight is weight and health is something else. Dan Savage has some real issues – I honestly don’t think he likes women very much, or bisexuals for that matter. I personally can say for sure that when I was thinner, I was much *less* healthy because it was the result of an exercise disorder, and I think some of the points you make are really relevant about how we treat our bodies and how they have to be able to support us through life. I also know from experience that life isn’t necessarily better and doesn’t start when we’re *thin* – it’s a myth we even sometimes buy when we lose weight and then blame ourselves if everything else isn’t fixed. It sells products, but creates unreasonable expectations.

  24. I love it. Shame is NOT helping. I smoked for 20 years, and once I got over the shame that went with it, I quit. Cold turkey. No side effects, help, gum, chews, support groups… nothing. I didn’t even put on (more) weight.

    I am also overweight. I don’t hate myself for it, but I do want to change because it stops me from being physically able to do things that I want to do. But I was doing it wrong. I can’t be ashamed.

    Thanks.

  25. I can’t believe the hypocrisy of this:
    “It’s my body, I don’t have to justify its awesomeness/attractiveness/healthiness/usefulness to anyone, because it is MINE”
    Why are you writing the article then?!
    You aren’t even a good writer; your review of ‘Synecdoche, New York’ cemented you as a brick in the wall of the greatest idiots that publication has ever known.

  28. You shouldn’t accept being fat because IT IS a health risk. And you are killing yourself. And the only thing I am disgusted with is your ignorance. Good for you to be happy in your own skin but lose weight for your health not for looks. And of course their are people out there that think it is disgusting to be overweight. So suck it up and stop trying to be proud. Do what is best for yourself and stop thinking about others.

  30. I know that your goal is not to win other people’s approval, and you in no way need me to say this, but I’m jealous of your ankles. Just sayin’. And I’m being totally serious, because I am not fat, but I do have cankles.

    (I agree with your point, and I’m happy you are happy with yourself. The world would be a better place if everyone could just love themselves. Then they could love other people too.)

  32. I used to be so skinny – then I had a hysterectomy. I started taken hormone replacements and gained weight…..but still looked good. Then I developed arthritis and could not walk as much as I had before, could NOT LONGER RUN, or work out like I had…began having to take steroids at times, which pack the pounds on me…I became depressed and started taking antidepressants, which added pounds onto my body, I was anxious, so I started taking valium, which I think adds pounds, due to stress, I noticed I was wanting to snack a lot more, even when I was not hungry…….before I knew it, I am at 180 pounds. I weigh more than my boyfriend does and he is about 8 inches taller than I am. I hate being FAT…but I can see my life illnesses/medication has played a big part in that. SOOO, now it is my mission to stop taking as many meds as I can – especially the steroids…that is a given…they always add 5 to 10 pounds that are so hard to get off…..pain meds slow me down, BUT….if I could lose 50 pounds I probably would not need the pain pills. I called my insurance company today to see about lap band surgery. I am under the BMI just barely, but they have to pay more out in ankle surgery, may need my other ankle done, who knows about my back…I have had a heart attack and have high blood pressure and high cholesterol….I do not even take the meds for all of that as I can’t afford all the meds I NEED…but if my BMI was just a little bit higher, I could get the lapband…is so stupid!!!

  33. I’m a million years late to the fray.

    But 263 pounds is too much; that much weight will definitely kill you before you are ready for it.

  34. You’re right, diets don’t work.

    Lifestyle changes do.

    You shouldn’t have to settle for being overweight and the health problems that come along with it. One of my good friends has been borderline obese his entire life, and was fine with it, until he went to the doctor who told him that he was pre-diabetic.

    He made the effort to join weight watchers, is going to the gym regularly, and is pulling himself back from the brink of “pre-diabetes”.

    You can’t just starve yourself for a certain amount of time to lose weight, and expect to go back to the way you do things now and expect to keep that off.

    The way I see it, being healthy is not about how much you weigh, but about how you treat your body. Treat it well, feed it healthy things in healthy amounts, exercise it, and it will be good to you. You don’t have to be stick thin or toned up the wazoo to be healthy. But being overweight is never healthy. Examine your lifestyle and start making little changes to it. Changes that you will stick to. THAT works. Diets don’t.

  35. The more overweight people insist publicly that they love their bodies and they don’t need to apologize for it, the more self-conscious it makes them look.

    And quit aligning yourself with homosexuals – people are BORN gay! There’s no comparison. It’s not your sexuality, it’s fat. You can do something about it. Why don’t you have empathy for gay people and NOT compare being a size 14 to being denied basic human rights by your own government?

    Quit contributing to this ever-growing culture of victimhood. You now represent the majority of Americans, so you’re not a minority, and you’re annoying the crap out of those of us who don’t want an entire generation eating their way to premature death.

  36. The more overweight people insist publicly that they love their bodies and they don’t need to apologize for it, the more self-conscious it makes them look.

    And quit aligning yourself with homosexuals – people are BORN gay! There’s no comparison. It’s not your sexuality, it’s fat. You can do something about it. Why don’t you have empathy for gay people and NOT compare being a size 14 to being denied basic human rights by your own government?

    Quit contributing to this ever-growing culture of victimhood. You now represent the majority of Americans, so you’re not a minority, and you’re annoying the crap out of those of us who don’t want an entire generation eating their way to premature death.

  37. Lindy, thank you. I have struggled with my self esteem about my weight gain since I quit dancing and I always feel like people are staring at me and making fun of me. I’m not that large at all in comparison to how tall I am, but the gain was hard for me because I was literally small enough to fit in 00 pants and extra small shirts until I was 12. It wasn’t until recently when my friend yelled at me for being so down on myself that I realized that the way I was thinking was destructive. This article has helped further that understanding that all women are made differently and there is really no specific shape that is deemed most beautiful in the world. I don’t care what others say, especially those negative people who have to cut down others to feel better about themselves. Every woman is beautiful the way they are and it has nothing to do with the size of your jeans but everything to do with the person you are in that body. Thank you for helping me on my journey to accepting myself. You are a beautiful person.

  39. I have an issue with the whole pro-fat, fat acceptance movement. Fat acceptance gives people the idea that its okay to be fat and let yourself go- yes, there are people who are predispositioned to be overweight and probably cannot change it but to be honest if you look at the statistics obesity in the 1st world is a modern phenomenon of being surrounded by calorie rich, nutrient deficient food and gorging on it. Poor people in america are more likely to be fat than wealthier people because they don’t take care of themselves and buy crap. its not healthy to be quite frank, and promoting fat acceptance in my book is like promoting diabetes acceptance- its not okay, both obesity and diabetes are preventable diseases (two very interdependent ones I might add.) People are ashamed of being diabetic and most diabetics cannot change their disposition but what got them there for the most part is just letting themselves go, not disciplining themselves, or their kids, and they now are stuck and are embarrassed with themselves. if you’re all about the pro-fat shit you’re just kidding yourself just to make you feel better about yourself. It’s not an issue about “society’s body image” pro fat pro skinny blahablah, its about being healthy and not slowly killing yourself.
    Obesity is not a maybekindof subjective label to make people feel bad about themselves- its a real life disease that leads to heart failure, kidney failure, strokes, diabetes upon a whole slew of things. you can’t tell me 60 percent of the population suddenly popped up a thyroid issue- the issue is with the person themselves.
    Pro-fat is cute when you’re a teenager and gorge on “Doritos” and just get chubbier with no consequences but when you’re 60 and being hauled in the back of an ambulance because your heart can barely pump blood through your 300 lbs, you’re not going to be complaining about fat shaming; its going to be able how hard it is to catch your breath or the 3 page list of medications you take for your condition. Its not funny and I am not trying to sass, I see too many people sent to the hospital for completely preventable conditions. Take care of yourselves, and good luck in the future.

  40. I have the combo of qualities that made it easier for me to lose weight: perfectionism and an ability to delay gratification. Except I realized that I will never be happy, now that I am “skinny”: I ALWAYS delay happiness. I can’t relax and enjoy life. So being skinny didn’t make me happy. It just brought out those control freak aspects of my personality, and I can’t get rid of them. I can’t drink a glass of wine or enjoy Sunday pancakes without worrying about WHAT IT MEANS for my body. Why am I so afraid of weighing a normal weight? I think all people are beautiful, and I actually think that people that aren’t stick thin are more beautiful and sexy. But obviously I am somehow affected by some weird motivation to be fat-less. I don’t think that this is “healthier” than being overweight…

    I spend more time thinking and worrying about my weight than doing anything useful. What a waste.

    I am so jealous of you for loving your body and your self.

  42. I am female. 26 years old. I weighted 212lbs three years ago.
    Then I became vegan. I did’t eat less, but other things. In the first year I lost 21lbs. Slowly.
    Second year I started jogging. Every day – half hour.
    Today my weight is 156lbs.

    Sorry, my english is not the best. 🙂

  43. Would people please stop making the false assumption that weight loss is simple? It is actually far from it.
    Yes, I understand that Shape magazine and Men’s Health have told you that all you need to worry about it calories in and calories out. As others have pointed out this is hardly a valuable tool for a diverse population- different individuals will have different resting metabolisms which will significantly impact whether out not the calories in, calories out method works.
    Step away from the calories. For example, consider how successful paleo, primal and low carb diets have been for some even though they are can be incredibly high in calories, particularly from fats and proteins.
    That being said, there is no simple SUSTAINABLE solution to weight loss that is applicable at a systemic level. And weight is a poor correlate for overall health. Don’t believe me, research the sketchy history of the Body Mass Index (BMI) which incidentally was never intended to be a diagnostic of individual health but a measure of a populations health.
    Health is a subjective product. When the National Institutes of Health modified the “overweight” category in the body mass index in 1997, millions of Americans became obese overnight. Before this shift, according to the BMI, 68 million were overweight or obese; after, that number increased to 96 million.
    This is not to say that good health is not a goal worth pursuing, which I don’t believe to be Lindy’s point either. But rather “health” is not a universal medical truth, it means different things for different people.Health does not have a direct relationship with weight but rather blood pressure, blood sugar etc. and other measures that CORRELATE (but do not demonstrate direct causal relationship with weight). Therefore get off your effing high horse, and stop making poor presumptions about others health based solely on what the media has told you (when you have done no research or have only your own singular experience experiences to rely on because anecdotes are not science).

    Show a little love.

    Beautiful post Lindy and something that should resonate with everyone, regardless of size.

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  47. Sorry, but, as has been stated in previous comments, you can’t compare prejudice towards fat people to prejudice towards gay people. Fat people aren’t raped and killed for because they are fat. Fat people can marry. Fat people don’t suffer from institutionalized hate and discrimination. And most of all, fat people can stop being fat, while gay people cannot stop being gay. Your completely fixable weight problem can’t be compared to the struggle of the LGBT community.

    And if someone is grossed out by your disgusting fat rolls and thinks they are ugly, that’s their right, just like it’s your right to be fat should you choose.

  49. Your body is not disgusting, just as long as you keep it well-clothed (i.e. covered). You are, however, sexually useless, unattractive, a wobbling waddling blimpy-the-beluga-land-whale.

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