28 years old, female, 59, 263 lbs. Credit: Kelly O
28 years old, female, 59, 263 lbs.
  • Kelly O
  • 28 years old, female, 5’9″, 263 lbs.

This is my body (over there—see it?). I have lived in this body my whole life. I have wanted to change this body my whole life. I have never wanted anything as much as I have wanted a new body. I am aware every day that other people find my body disgusting. I always thought that some day—when I finally stop failing—I will become smaller, and when I become smaller literally everything will get better (I’ve heard It Gets Better)! My life can begin! I will get the clothes that I want, the job that I want, the love that I want. It will be great! Think how great it will be to buy some pants or whatever at J. Crew. Oh, man. Pants. Instead, my body stays the same.

There is not a fat person on earth who hasn’t lived this way. Clearly this is a TERRIBLE WAY TO EXIST. Also, strangely enough, it did not cause me to become thin. So I do not believe any of it anymore, because fuck it very much.

This is my body. It is MINE. I am not ashamed of it in any way. In fact, I love everything about it. Men find it attractive. Clothes look awesome on it. My brain rides around in it all day and comes up with funny jokes. Also, I don’t have to justify its awesomeness/attractiveness/healthiness/usefulness to anyone, because it is MINE. Not yours.

I’m not going to spend a bunch of time blogging about fat acceptance here (but please read this), because other writers have already done it much more eloquently, thoroughly, and radically than I ever could. But I do feel obligated to try to explain what this all means.

You asked me for links, Dan, so here are some links for you. There are plenty more, but if you want me to go through each one and explain to you how these words and implications hurt and shame people, you’re going to have to pay me overtime (in Doritos!!!!!). I get that you think you’re actually helping people and society by contributing to the fucking Alp of shame that crushes every fat person every day of their lives—the same shame that makes it a radical act for me to post a picture of my body and tell you how much it weighs. But you’re not helping. Shame doesn’t work. Diets don’t work. Shame is a tool of oppression, not change.

Fat people already are ashamed. It’s taken care of. No further manpower needed on the shame front, thx. I am not concerned with whether or not fat people can change their bodies through self-discipline and “choices.” Pretty much all of them have tried already. A couple of them have succeeded. Whatever. My question is, what if they try and try and try and still fail? What if they are still fat? What if they are fat forever? What do you do with them then? Do you really want millions of teenage girls to feel like they’re trapped in unsightly lard prisons that are ruining their lives, and on top of that it’s because of their own moral failure, and on top of that they are ruining America with the terribly expensive diabetes that they don’t even have yet? You know what’s shameful? A complete lack of empathy.

And if you really claim to still be confused—”Nu uh! I never said anything u guyz srsly!”—there can be no misunderstanding shit like this:

I am thoroughly annoyed at having my tame statements of fact—being heavy is a health risk; rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly—characterized as “hate speech.”

Ha!

1. “Rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly” is in no way a “tame statement of fact.” It is not a fact at all—it is an incredibly cruel, subjective opinion that reinforces destructive, paternalistic, oppressive beauty ideals. I am not unsightly. No one deserves to be told that they’re unsightly. But this is what’s behind this entire thing—it’s not about “health,” it’s about “eeeewwwww.” You think fat people are icky. Eeeewww, a fat person might touch you on a plane. With their fat! Eeeeewww! Coincidentally, that’s the same feeling that drives anti-gay bigots, no matter what excuses they drum up about “family values” and, yes, “health.” It’s all “eeeewwwww.” And sorry, I reject your eeeeeewwww.

2. You are not concerned about my health. Because if you were concerned about my health, you would also be concerned about my mental health, which has spent the past 28 years being slowly eroded by statements like the above. Also, you don’t know anything about my health. You do happen to be the boss of me, but you are not the doctor of me. You have no idea what I eat, how much I exercise, what my blood pressure is, or whether or not I’m going to get diabetes. Not that any of that matters, because it is entirely none of your business.

3. “But but but my insurance premiums!!!” Bullshit. You live in a society with other people. I don’t have kids, but I pay taxes that fund schools. The idea that we can somehow escape affecting each other is deeply conservative. Barbarous, even. Is that really what you’re going for? Good old-fashioned American individualism? Please.

4. But most importantly: I reject this entire framework. I don’t give a shit what causes anyone’s fatness. It’s irrelevant and it’s none of my business. I am not making excuses, because I have nothing to excuse. I reject the notion that thinness is the goal, that thin = better—that I am an unfinished thing and that my life can really start when I lose weight. That then I will be a real person and have finally succeeded as a woman. I am not going to waste another second of my life thinking about this. I don’t want to have another fucking conversation with another fucking woman about what she’s eating or not eating or regrets eating or pretends to not regret eating to mask the regret. OOPS I JUST YAWNED TO DEATH.

If you really want change to happen, if you really want to “help” fat people, you need to understand that shaming an already-shamed population is, well, shameful. Do you know what happened as soon as I rejected all this shit and fell in unconditional luuuuurve with my entire body? I started losing weight. Immediately. WELL LA DEE FUCKING DA.

Eds. note: Dan Savage’s response is over here.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

1,400 replies on “Hello, I Am Fat”

  2. @#2 Tell it!

    I lost 60 lbs this year, and all the haranguing about fat acceptance kept me from doing it sooner. No, society did not tell me I wanted a thinner body. I did want a thinner body. But BBW fans and proud fat folks sure killed my drive to do something about it. For every fat person who bitches about society keeping them from accepting who they are, there’s a person who wants to lose weight who’s being discouraged from becoming who they want to be.

    Also, you’re free to love your own body, but nobody else is obligated to love it. So if someone writes to Dan Savage and says “my partner put on 50 lbs,” I think it’s perfectly reasonable for them to feel annoyed by the bait-&-switch and for Dan to tell them that.

  3. @#2 Tell it!

    I lost 60 lbs last year, and all the haranguing about fat acceptance kept me from doing it sooner. No, society did not tell me I wanted a thinner body. I did want a thinner body. But BBW fans and proud fat folks sure killed my drive to do something about it. For every fat person who bitches about society keeping them from accepting who they are, there’s a person who wants to lose weight who’s being discouraged from becoming who they want to be.

    Also, you’re free to love your own body, but nobody else is obligated to love it. So if someone writes to Dan Savage and says “my partner put on 50 lbs,” I think it’s perfectly reasonable for them to feel annoyed by the bait-&-switch and for Dan to tell them that.

  6. Okay…one glass of wine (which really quite fucks me up given my diet and usual consumption) and a cuddly boyfriend later.

    @1304…yes, there might have been one random person who lost a lot of weight eating a very limited caloric diet of all junk. There may have been 100 random people who did this, or 1000, or 10,000…fact is, they’re still a minority of the population. As I understand it, as advised by my dietitian, GP, and endocrinologist, calorie-for-calorie, good, whole foods make you feel fuller, longer, and have a less devastating impact on your insulin response to eating. While the diet I follow is often called “low carb” or “high protein” it’s really just a more natural diet (I don’t mean diet as a limiting of what you eat to lose weight, rather the whole of what you consume…your “diet”). I eat carbs…whole grain things with lots of fiber, vegetables, high-fiber fruits, even. I could even eat the orange I wanted, if I was committed to eating the skin and membranes as well, as that’s where all the fiber and nutrients are (I have a friend who loves baked, salted orange skins, and if I loved them as well, I could have them). Carbs are over 50% of my “diet.” The thing is, each person is different, and other studies have refuted your anecdotal blogger/dietitian. I have friends and family members who can chow down on ice cream and cake and never gain a pound. I have friends who have lost weight on high-carb, low-fat diets. Those things don’t work for me. As for the studies (I’m a well-educated social scientist, so my doctors don’t just tell me what to do, they share the research behind it with me), one thing that has stuck out at me is that to achieve a comfortable life, people need to eat the same *weight* of food. I can sit and eat a whole pound of broccoli or zucchini or peppers and maintain my weight or even lose a bit. But a pound of cake is a problem. I don’t think my “diet” is right for everyone, but Hates Screen Names above is clearly in the same boat that I am, and so I think it’s a more common situation than you might think. Therefore, I don’t judge…I know how hard it was for me, and I don’t wish that on anyone who doesn’t take that on themselves. I will support anyone who wants to do it, and if a friend asks me what I did to lose/maintain the weight, I will tell them to take the same steps I did: get a good medical team who’s willing to make your diet work for you, and accept that you may never be a size 4 (I’m an 8…that’s the thinnest I can be without extreme measures, and so I have learned to love it). But I would never think to snark at someone who I don’t know, or pretend to know what was best for them or what they were doing or going through.

    @1305 and a little @1304…the response you get from others depends on where you are, who you know, and a whole lot of other factors. Fat, medium, and in-between, I have been treated badly by a number of people in my life. Yes, it does appear that there are complex depression/anxiety/physiological issues with carrying extra weight that can make it hard to lose it because of the lack of energy and willpower. But one cannot deny that there are psychological effects from outside sources. Today, my size 8 ass (I really don’t have that much of an ass to speak of, I’m all boobs and muscle at this point) was shunned by someone on public transit. He sat down next to me and made a big show of having to turn his legs out to “fit into the seat.” This despite the fact that I fit quite comfortably in one seat on anything…planes, trains, and automobiles. But I’m no supermodel, and he couldn’t squeeze into his seat and half of mine to continually grab his smart phone (not as smart as mine…old dork man) out of the back of his waistband (W.T.F…shouldn’t you be on that thing constantly, I mean…I had my music playing, was scanning Facebook, and texting and emailing when he sat down…technology deficient loser) and maintain a wide stance. Yes…I DO need that whole one seat…asshole. But that’s only one thing. I have been in social situations where cuter, thinner friends will start talking to a group of people, and when/if I show up in that group, the strangers will literally pretend I don’t exist (and that’s at a horrendously huge size 8…you don’t want to know what happened when I was a 16). I have been shunned more times than I care to remember, and the braver of the shunners told me that it was because I was a lard ass. I guess my point is that if it was really about “health” people would be kinder about it. If I have a fat friend who wants to lose weight, I invite them to go for a walk with me and over for a healthy dinner. I send them “awesome recipes” I found online with no comment about their nutritional value. I tell them that they should see a new doctor if theirs makes disparaging, unhelpful comments about their weight (the proper response is “we could improve your health if you lost a little weight…would you be interested in developing a team to make that happen?” Not, as I have been addressed at my current size by doctors “oh, you clearly don’t go to the gym”). Can depression lead to weight gain? Absolutely. Can weight cause depression? YES, YES, YES. It’s about being helpful and supportive without being an asshole. That’s all I’m saying. I have run into a lot of assholes in my life, and they make me want to give up. I’m lucky that I have wonderful, supportive people in my life to balance that these days, but that wasn’t always the case, at the size I am now and larger. Ever been in a situation where someone will fuck you but not take you out in public? Yes, I know it sounds like an episode of Sex and the City, but it has really, actually happened to me, and it SUCKS! It makes you want to curl up with a cake…which will never leave you.

  8. If people want to make an issue out of diabetes and obese people, can I PLEASE make an issue out of smokers and lung cancer, drunk drivers, texters, sleepy drivers, inexperienced drivers and car accidents, the babies we all pay for because of unprotected sex, and on and on it goes. Everyone wants to point the finger at fat people cause they wear their differences in public. It’s not like it can be tucked away, in secret. But always remember that you may have one finger pointing outward at me, but you have three more pointing back at yourself.
    Way to go, Lindy. And girl, I would kill for your legs!

  9. I don’t know if it’s easier or harder to deal with alternating between loving and hating my body. I have only had to live in a ‘fat’ body for the last 10 years (before that I was one of those people who could wear whatever she wanted). I finally got rid of most of my old clothes because, ‘I might fit back into them someday’. I am healthy (although less fit than I desire). I eat good food (sometimes I eat too much good food because well, it’s GOOD!). My dodgy knees keep me from doing things more than my weight does. Hopefully one day I can fully shift into the loving my body phase and stay there. And you know who the main culprit it is that makes me feel horrid again? My damn mother. I love her dearly, but Christ, give it a break mum!

  11. If that’s the worst Dan has said in relation to obesity, then his fat-hate is being exaggerated. I have never felt the need to bring up other people’s weight – it doesn’t concern me – but if asked I would answer yes, I find very overweight people physically unattractive (which is not to say that some slightly bigger guys can’t be wildly hot). Noone should be made to feel ashamed of who they are (I grew up gay so I experienced plenty of that) but nor do we need to tiptoe around the fact that obesity generally results from consuming more energy than one expends and, as such, is generally avoidable. Does that make me a fat-hater?

  12. If that’s the worst Dan wrote then his fat-hate is being exaggerated. I don’t think anybody should be made to feel ashamed about things that are beyond their control, and nor have I ever raised another person’s weight in order to praise or ridicule them. If asked, however, I will answer that I find very obese people physically unattractive. I also don’t see any need to tiptoe around the fact that obesity generally results from consuming more energy than one expends and, as such, it is generally avoidable. Does this make me a fat hater?

  13. I find fat people unattractive. Please do not tell me what to find attractive. I do not care about the health of fat people. They are just fat. Many Americans are fat, but want to be found attractive; they are not, in general.

    When in America, I find it difficult to believe the servings in restaurants. My wife and I often share one serving, while fat people all around us eat these huge amounts, but want to be proud of being fat. Go ahead, but I am allowed to find fat unattractive. You can love it if you want. I do not have to.

    I do not want fat people telling my children that being obese is just fine. It is not. I do not want fat people insisting that those of us who find fat people unattractive are somehow wrong or bad or mean. It is our taste. Dan is right. Rolls of blubber tend to make people look unattractive. I do not want people suggesting to the children of a nation that being obese has no consequences socially. It does.

    I do not think that it is unfair that people have different metabolisms. Own your own. So what if some people can eat a lot and not get fat…What is that to you, if it is not true for you?

    Simple enough? I never have made any comments to fat people or about fat people until I read this rather dunderheaded post of Lindy’s. I am sure that fat people are all very proud. Please accept my congratulations… but do not try to bully me into accepting a huge epidemic of obesity. I find it terrible when a majority of a nation are fat, but claim that it is not their fault…I do not fault you. I just find you unattractive and a bit self-obsessed. Your diets and lifetyle are mostly to blame…Not all of you, but an epidemic of obesity is not constructed individually. Nor is it a moral failing. Nonetheless, you are fat. I also have no moral failing when I do not find you attractive. I may be judgmental, but I am proud of my judgment…In fact, I am a judgment activist (JA).

    Leave me alone, and I will leave you alone. And please stop whining on my favourite blog. And Lindy? if you are so happy with being fat, why are you trying the emotional bullying on Dan? Because you can? Or because you are hurt because deep down you know he is right…I do appreciate that you so much cherish your victimhood, though. I think you may have learned this from Oprah. Please be proud, and stop lashing out publicly, attempting to gain some sympathy.

    “you go, girl” may be one of the most foolish expressions I have heard. Go where? Fatter?
    Go ahead, if that makes you happy. but I do not think it does…does it?

  15. 5’9″, 263Ib for a man would be disgraceful enough, but for a woman? A woman of 5’9″ should be looking to weigh about 150lb tops.
    Any fat person, male or female who thinks that being fat is not an impediment to being attractive is seriously kidding tthemselves.

  16. 5’9″, 263Ib for a man would be disgraceful enough, but for a woman? A woman of 5’9″ should be looking to weigh about 150lb tops.
    Any fat person, male or female who thinks that being fat is not an impediment to being attractive is seriously kidding tthemselves.

  17. @ 399: You do realize the irony in your statement? Lindy’s proclamation of indifference can only come from someone who is clearly OBSESSED about weight. If she didn’t care, this post would not exist.

    And all the people saying she’s not fat? Yes, she is. The truly scary thing about America is how overweight people are, how unhealthy it is, and how willing people are to dismiss it. Disturbing.

  18. Ok. You’re fat. Big fucking deal. At least you’re not stuck in some Arab country, being killed simply because you want democratic freedoms. Try worrying about a real problem. Ranting about your appearance & particularly how you allow other people make you feel because of your appearance is just stupid shit drivel.

  19. Goodness people

    Forget the fat and learn to write without the use of the boring f word.

    Our bodies are nothing.

    How is your spiritual health.

    Life IS eternal after all.

  20. Sorry, Lindy, but somebody who thinks that boiling water poured on a man’s penis is “hilarious” — and then adds insult to injury by referring to the dick in question as very small three different times in only one paragraph — hasn’t really got a moral high ground to stand on vis-a-vis respect for others in print. You’ve gone all noble on Savage for, in your view, dissing heavy people. What would your reaction have been if he had found, say, pouring boiling water on a breasts to have been hilarious and reveled in the fact that the injured titties were small?

    http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/penis…

  21. @113 – yes. I was working out 1.5 hours to 2 hours per day, eating as a nutritionist prescribed, and I lost weight. I lost 67 lbs, to be exact. Which got me down to 212 lbs. Where I stayed. Then, when I began to GAIN weight doing that exact same thing, I went to the best weight loss doc/endocrinologist in this Metroplex, who told me, based on his multiple tests, that I simply had the Fat Gene. The people in my family are thin/average kids, slightly thick teenagers, and balloon in early adulthood. We CAN lose weight, but never ever enough weight to be considered thin. We can get THINNER, but not thin. I, too, have a thyroid condition. It’s like fighting the tides to remain in the slightly-above-200-lbs category for me, but I do feel better and healthy at that weight, and I can fit in airplane seats just fine, eff you very much. I am strong, healthy, smart, funny and compassionate. And I am beautiful, inside and out, at any size.

  22. People just don’t seem to get it AT ALL. I bet we could hit 5K on these comments and people still wouldn’t get it.

    Other people’s bodies are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It’s not your business to police other people’s weight. YOU don’t get to dictate how other people live their lives and that includes what they eat, what they wear, how much they weigh, etc. If you don’t like it, SO WHAT!?! Who put you in charge? Every single policeman or hall monitor on this site needs to look in the mirror and manage their own life. I mean, for example, Robert K who made you the arbiter of what a woman should weigh if she’s 5’9″? Your comment is absurd and you obviously know NOTHING about what real people weigh. At my thinnest as an adult (and I am 5’5″) I weighed 165 and everyone raved about how thin I was. I looked and felt VERY thin. People thought I weighed 120 pounds. They have NO CONCEPT OF REAL WEIGHT. I wore a size 10. A size 0 is the size of a six year old child, people!!!

    No matter how unhealthy obesity is (and no one here, including Lindy, including myself is saying obesity is healthy) it is still NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS UNLESS YOU ARE DISCUSSING YOUR OWN WEIGHT. It is unbelievable how and why people think they have a right to talk to other people about their bodies (maybe, just MAYBE you have that right if you are in a relationship with that person or that person is your child or your parent or other family – but that’s a big maybe). I don’t care if you lost weight. I don’t care if you think it’s easy to lose weight. I don’t care if it pisses you off that you have to severely restrict your caloric intake and exercise excessively in order to fit into your skinny jeans – you don’t get to turn around and take it out on someone who is fat that just happens to be next to you. You need to mind your own fucking business and leave people alone.

    We live in a society that has and continues to insist that women’s bodies are public and fit for public consumption and comment. They are not. My body doesn’t exist for you to look at and get off on. If you don’t like how I look FUCK YOU. You have no right to tell me I need to lose weight or exercise to an extent that meet YOUR criteria. Again, who the hell put you in charge? Mind your own damn business. Focus on yourself. Obsess about your own weight.

    The only person that needs to worry about what I am eating and how much I exercise and how much I weigh and how healthy or unhealthy I am is ME. You pointing out how fat I am (in your eyes) and how I don’t need to be eating whatever it is you see me eating that you think I shouldn’t be eating is completely out of line. I’ve said it so much that I feel like a broken record (and it’s the main point of Lindy’s article) – shaming people will not solve the obesity crisis. Bullying people, ostracizing people, discriminating against people, railing against people, hating people, lecturing people, yelling at people, etc. etc. etc. WILL NOT SOLVE THE OBESITY CRISIS.

    Yes, people need to eat differently and to include more physical activity (not just exercise, but physical activity) in their daily lives. The food industry needs to be completely changed so that selling addictive and poisonous crap for profit is no longer acceptable. We can all agree on that. But beyond that? What people weigh and how healthy people are is extremely personal and can only be dealt with on a personal basis by each individual focusing on themselves. Everyone needs to keep their mouths shut when it comes to talking about other people. If you don’t find fat people attractive, don’t date or fuck them. If you don’t like fat people and think fat is contagious – don’t be friends with fat people. Focus on your own life and live your life as you please AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD OR THE UNIVERSE OR WHATEVER LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE ALONE AND LET THEM DO THE SAME.

    Why is this such a difficult concept for people to grasp?

  24. Lindy, you are gorgeous. Also, was it not you who received that neighbor complaint about loud sex? So obviously someone else thinks you’re gorgeous and sexy too.

    But (you knew it was coming) I am a formerly obese – still hit the BMI at “overweight” after losing 75 lbs – and I was miserable at my previous weight. My knees hurt constantly. I couldn’t sleep on my stomach (like sleeping on the peak of a mountain) and I love to sleep on my stomach. I was so ashamed to shop that I had nothing but old, poorly fitting clothes, universally in black (oh it’s SOOO slimming).

    Now I get up at 5 a.m. and work out every day. Seriously, every day. Last year I scored a sweet work out bag from the Y for working out at least 200 days. I rode the STP last year for the first time. And I’m 46 fucking years old. Yes, I totally rock. I’m awesome. My shit don’t stank no more (actually it totally stinks worse).

    But my point is, I hated myself fat. I tried to work it through and love me the way I was (and congrats for making it there Lindy, cause that journey has it’s own challenges). I had PLENTY of reasons for packing on the pounds – I had a kid with cancer for fuck sake, who ended up pretty seriously disabled, and a failed marriage. So lots and lots of reasons for stress eating/no time to take care of me. And as I mentioned, I’m fucking old.

    But again, I hated myself fat, even with those quite-legitimate excuses. So if there’s someone out there reading this and thinking, geesh I should get on the fat-acceptance thing and stop hating myself. Well, yeah, but if that doesn’t work for you (still hate shopping for clothes, still ashamed to go to parties?) then my message is, CHANGE IS POSSIBLE.

    Was it hard? Kind of. I didn’t start working out every day. I set a 3X a week goal. I only do exercises that I enjoy (for me that’s a lot of rowing in and out of the gym, biking out of the gym – gawd I hate the stationery bike – and the eliptical cause it’s easy on my knees and I can read a book while I’m standing there, and I love to read).

    And I found a diet that worked for me. There’s a key: screw the “latest” advice, find what actually works for you, whether that is Mediterranean, Atkins, Vegan, food-diary, obsessive counting of calories or whatever. Learn to LISTEN TO YOUR VERY OWN BODY and figure out what makes you feel good and what you can maintain. And then get moving so you’re burning up more calories each day than you put in. Take all those measurements (OH not my waist! That’s so humiliating) so you have the total before/after picture and not just the scale. Give it a month. Seriously give it a fucking month of doing it right and then ask yourself, do I feel better? Have those bloody numbers changed?

    But don’t do any of this for “society” or “Lindy” or “Dan Savage.” Do it for yourself. Do it because maintaining your big body is harder emotionally than working to get it off. And if that’s not true, then fuck every one and be big and beautiful, again, for yourself.

  25. @1330 – Amen to people having no idea about weight. I’m 5’9″ and when I got my weight down to 195, I was still high up in the “overweight” category on the BMI chart, but people started telling me it was time to stop dieting because I looked like I had cancer.

  26. lol vouching for fatness by blaming disease must mean we are a nation full of diseased mutants.

    fat people are unhealthy , skinny people are normal

    face it – your skeleton is small , a normal body isnt supposed to differentiate too much from that.

    instead yours has football padding and a hoodie on and you claim it as fine.

  27. Way to take Dan out of context and make him your scapegoat so you can justify being overweight. Unless you have a medical condition or are on medications with weight gaining side effects, you can absolutely lose the weight. And exercising in itself won’t do anything if you aren’t doing the right exercises. And ‘eating healthy’ in our society- all those fad diets and bullshit- can actually lead to more weight gain. Get your exercise program and diet to be the right one for you, and you won’t be obese. And lindy, you are a bitch for ragging on Dan for no good reason other than your own ignorance!

  28. Look, it is great to not feel ashamed of your body. I want that for everyone. But being obese is caused by addiction (either through neglect by not exercising or by poisoning yourself with food). Addictions are sad, gross, and hard to watch. It makes me feel sad and disgusted to watch an obese person shove a donut into their mouth. I feel the same way about a smoker puffing away on a cigarette. Lindy, you GLOAT about having an unhealthy body. That is so disturbing.
    Unless you have a medical condition that causes weight gain (like low thyroid), then you are only enabling yourself and others by claiming that you are naturally obese.
    Cruel remarks towards fat people are awful and should not be condoned, but I think everyone has the right to voice being disgusted by looking at bodies ravaged by addiction. Dan wasn’t picking on fat people, he was pointing out that obesity, like any addiction, is disgusting.

  29. I’m glad you’ve decided to accept yourself. No one should feel ashamed about themselves. But also accept that short of some medical condition such as thyroid disease, you are fat because you eat bad food and/or you don’t get enough exercise, and only you have control over that.

    Once upon a time I was in fantastic shape. I worked out 3-4 days a week and I was careful about what I ate. I didn’t kill myself. Just steady workouts and every now and then I did indulge in a pizza or burger, but I did not eat them regularly. Then I got lazy, quit working out, and started making too many runs through the fast food drive-through. Within 2 years I’d packed on 50 lbs. So a few months ago after almost a decade of slugdom, I decided it was time to get off my backside and exercise, and quit shoveling high-fat food into my mouth. Within a month I’d lost 13 lbs. And I’m a woman pushing 50 years of age. It ain’t easy, but it can be done.

    I’m sorry people treat overweight people badly. I know it doesn’t help anything. And I do now what it feels like to know that your attractive friend standing next to you is getting way more attention than you are at happy hour. If you or anyone else is truly happy with your size, more power to you. But just as shaming fat people isn’t going to make them lose weight, telling the world to fuck off isn’t going to change the fact that most people find fit bodies to be more attractive. If you really intend to be happy in an overweight body, you’re going to have to ignore most of the world, because it isn’t going to change.

    For me, it became a matter of health. I don’t want to spend the remainder of my life popping pills and/or living with a walker or a wheelchair just because I had no will power when I was younger. I’d kind of like to enjoy my retirement. It isn’t rocket science. To lose weight, consume fewer calories than you spend. Learn to find pleasure in something besides food, TV, and other passive activity. It is a huge mental exercise, but it is just that, a mental hurdle to conquer before you can conquer they physical one. Even losing 13 lbs. feels great. Losing 40 more is going to be amazing.

  31. I’m glad you’ve decided to accept yourself. No one should feel ashamed about themselves. But also accept that short of some medical condition such as thyroid disease, you are fat because you eat bad food and/or you don’t get enough exercise, and only you have control over that.

    Once upon a time I was in fantastic shape. I worked out 3-4 days a week and I was careful about what I ate. I didn’t kill myself. Just steady workouts and every now and then I did indulge in a pizza or burger, but I did not eat them regularly. Then I got lazy, quit working out, and started making too many runs through the fast food drive-through. Within 2 years I’d packed on 50 lbs. So a few months ago after almost a decade of slugdom, I decided it was time to get off my backside and exercise, and quit shoveling high-fat food into my mouth. Within a month I’d lost 13 lbs. And I’m a woman pushing 50 years of age. It ain’t easy, but it can be done.

    I’m sorry people treat overweight people badly. I know it doesn’t help anything. And I do now what it feels like to know that your thinner friend standing next to you is getting way more attention than you are at happy hour. If you or anyone else is truly happy with your size, more power to you. But just as shaming fat people isn’t going to make them lose weight, telling the world to fuck off isn’t going to change the fact that most people find fit bodies to be more attractive. If you really intend to be happy in an overweight body, you’re going to have to ignore those people, because they aren’t going to change.

    For me, it became a matter of health. I’m not going for size 4, I’m going for size fit. I don’t want to spend the remainder of my life popping pills and/or living with a walker or a wheelchair that I could have prevented, just because I had no will power when I was younger. I’d kind of like to enjoy my retirement. It isn’t rocket science. To lose weight, consume fewer calories than you spend. Learn to find pleasure in something besides food and passive entertainment. It is a huge mental exercise, but it is just that, a mental hurdle to conquer before you can conquer they physical one. No food is enjoyable as being healthy feels.

  36. To all the obese people who “can’t” lose weight although they have tried “everything” … you might want to start an investigation into what has caused this obesity epidemic. If you look at the data, you will see that the number of people who are obese has TRIPLED in the past fifty years. If this is primarily due to uncontrollable circumstances rather than lifestyle choices, then SOMEONE NEEDS TO PAY!! Something, somewhere, must have gone very wrong in our medical and agricultural worlds for so many people to have been blessed/cursed with obesity.

    http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/over…

    On the other hand, if you believe like me that the vast MAJORITY (not all) of obese people are a creation of their own choices regarding food consumption and physical activity, then you will simply acknowledge that you choose to be obese for reasons that you don’t have to justify to anyone. You like riding in your car everywhere rather than walking. You like eating a donut for breakfast or hitting up McD’s for lunch. And if the result is that you are 5′ 9″ and weigh 263 pounds, then that’s okay, too. But PLEASE don’t bore me with the fairytale about how it is simply your “metabolism” that has caused the obesity, because I frankly don’t believe that three times as many people have faulty metabolisms today as in 1960.

    And by the way, extreme obesity which 5′ 9″ and 263 pounds qualifies for, went from 0.9% of the population in 1960 to 6.2% in 2006. Again, unless you believe that some environmental evil has caused extreme obesity to jump to 7x its previous level, then you have to conclude that most of those people have made lifestyle choices that get them there. I am not arguing they should be sent to fat camp. They don’t have to discuss this personal matter, but it they do I just want them to stop the incessant “metabolism” excuses and acknowledge their choice.

  37. I am personally looking at severe health issues for NOT having lost weight and it crept up & up, now its 100lbs I need to lose! Never mind how it looks., its a HEALTH risk! Fat around the midsection endangers internal organs..eventually they can shut down and then..well you can imagine! I hate to say it, but it can lead to death!! I did not know nor understand much about such things before, but now that I do, it is like too little, too late..as has already happened to me, although Im fighting back any way that I can.,
    it may not matter now, to people whom are overweight, and Ive seen very young gals that continue to eat like they’re not fat, but it WILL later when its too late. Do NOT keep letting excuses rob you of years of life., currently according to some tests, such as at REALAGEdotcom, I stand to lose about 16yrs of life!..do not let other peoples opinions matter so much that you just rebel by NOT losing., come on! The only person hurt is yourself., the life you lose, is the only one you’ll ever have (or not have).

  38. An unprofessional and overly emotional attack on your colleague; shame on you, Lindy. You are apparently so emotional over this subject that you are misunderstanding Dan Savages’ posts on this topic.

    There are very few people in the world that fall into the category of “impossible to lose weight”. I do know one person like this, who has a hormonal problem that is the cause (and even gastric bypass surgery didn’t work). I admire that she’s learned to love and accept her body and feel attractive, and I hope you reach this point as well, if this is the category that you put yourself into.

    Most people who are overweight just really haven’t put the effort into the right places – lifestyle changes are very difficult to stick with, especially when one needs to leave behind something that has served as a comfort. It can be done, though. I am 5’2 and went from being 170 to 130, about 5 years ago… I never thought I would be able to lose weight, but I also never realized that I’d never stuck with something long enough to see the results – I’d give up prematurely and say I couldn’t lose weight and was never going to be thin. My beloved aunt died at the age of 50 about 15 years ago; she’d reached about 700 pounds and had not left the house during the last 10 years of her life. She refused to talk about her weight with anyone, and cut people out who tried to help. Defending herself didn’t help herself; she died and hurt everyone in her family, including me.

    I hope you will find the strength to lose the weight you need to lose in order to feel good about yourself, or that if you aren’t able to do it for whatever reason, that you reach a point of acceptance about your body. Instead of attacking Dan Savage for his refreshingly honest comments about the obesity epidemic (which are NOT attacks on the obese; you have clearly misunderstood), you should ask him for his help in finding a community where you can meet men who find you beautiful just the way you are.

    –Sincerely, A Reader

  39. No way will I read all these comments, and neither will you probably, but in case no one has said it yet, which probably 600 or so already have, Lindy, you are fuckin’ HOT!

    Rowr!

  41. It shouldn’t be about how FAT looks, but what it does to a body! Quit focusing on what people think about how it looks and think about the damage to internal organs, a fatty midsection actually does, it’d be best to focus on educating oneself about this., because as I am founding out perhaps a little too late, is that by not having lost weight way long ago, I have done myself a disfavor. I may have lost several years of life. I see soo many young beautiful girls today, weighing at least 50-100lbs more than they should. Of course, they may not yet feel the damage that is being done, but it WILL come., I am testament of that., and that is considering that I did not even start getting overweight until my mid-30’s., so that makes about 20yrs now., not only that, my heavy drinking did even less favors to my health., now I am diabetic, Ive always had high blood pressure which NEVER was stable., and how could it be with all that drinking? Id forget to take my meds, etc.etc., I have been my own worst enemy while taking care of everyone BUT me., Next time you look at a fat person as someone despicable, instead…think of how much they must already hate themselves., they don’t need YOUR hate added to the mix. They already know., and I heavily caution those whom are overweight, and don’t do anything about it, to do themselves a favor, TODAY, since we all know that that wonderful creamy delicious ice cream doesn’t taste as good as would a NICE trim HEALTHY figure.
    NOW IF WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN IS CONSIDERED “HATE MAIL” WELL then that is just another excuse, because I have already stated that I am also very much overweight, about 100lbs, and the way it looks is less important that doing something about it., yes I know that some gals have tried, (so have I) and failed, over and over., I am not putting them down or I’d be doing the same to myself., got it? BUT, I can say that HONESTY is critical., HONESTLY I didn’t lose weight and I can blame noone but myself., I hate the word TRY..because it leaves the possibility of failure., what IS imperative is that whatever it is that is started, MUST be followed to its end., and I haven’t done that., so how smart is it to start a program, and then STOP? Just because it isn’t happening fast enough? Come on..if I had stuck with all the programs I started, I’d of lost all of my weight ten years ago! Fat girls, or guys, lets be HONEST for once., tempation has been stronger than resolve to lose., is a FACT., and olny YOU can change that., dont blame others that dislike how you look, forget them! Remember YOU.

  47. I don’t mean to step on toes here, but, it seems like male body image issues are pretty invisible.

    I know objectification can be bad, but, you know, I bet it feels nice to know that someone likes how you look.

  48. Late to the party, but Lindy you’re awesome. I know you know you’re awesome and I’ve always thought you were awesome, but this post makes you even more awesome (I have just learned that this is possible! MIND BLOWN!!!).

    Also @1326 – I bet you’re one of those people who get upset when people smile because there are starving children and how can one be happy when innocents are suffering, M I RITE? Fucking douchebag.

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