Seriously, what is the deal? Who designed these things? Oh sure, on days like today, they’re harmless, they glint in the sunshine, they recede into the nothing-colored sidewalk—you don’t even see them. But when it’s raining? As it does here quite a bit? As it’s expected to do Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of next week, for example? In the rain, these metal plates of terror are truly a mindfuck.
They are textured with ostensibly non-skid surfacing, the only point of which seems to be to guide you toward your doom. Hey look! You think. These little metal grips will keep me from slipping in all this rain! They’ll grip my shoe treads or whatever! The only possible purpose of those little metal “grips” is to mislead you. Right? Am I missing something? Soon as they’re wet, these metal plates become tiny ice rinks embedded in the sidewalk. With oil on them. Oiled up little ice rinks. You step on one and Oooooooooooop! You will slip. If you don’t have amazing reflexes, you will likely eat it. And if you eat it just right you will crack your skull open on the sidewalk.
Is it a anti-tourist thing? A way to harm and embarrass out-of-towners? Is it performance art? Is it a corruption thing—some metal-factory bribed the city into accepting oil-and-ice optical illusions instead of non-skid metal? They’re EVERYWHERE. Several per block in commercial zones. Three of my favorite designs after the jump.
- The Trusted Rusted
- The Double-Wide Slide
- The If-You-Thought-Wet-Bricks-Were-Slippery-Wait’ll-You-Get-a-Load-of-Me!
Here’s some helpful electrical info!
A vault is a big cement room for stuff like transformers. They have both an access door and a hatch. They’re pretty safe except when they catch fire or blow up. It’s not a good idea to pee into them, but sometimes people do.
A handhole is a small box where electrical connections are made. They are almost always safe, unless the wires have gotten old and frayed, or some moron has gotten into it and tried to strip copper. You can easily tell who those people are. They are the ones who are burnt all over and usually dead.
There are all sorts of other boxes for water, phone, cable, but they’re boring.
And how about that artsy-fartsly “cube seating” installation at 2nd & Jackson Triangle? “Here, valued citizen, seat yourself amidst traffic on all sides. Enjoy the sight and sound, but you must sit individually in exact rows. And for your pleasure the cubes are engraved with topical carvings to rub your buns upon and stimulate your intellegence. Please refrain from informing your superiors of your thoughts.”
Seattle’s high brow art community has its head high up its collective rear end. Their offense taken at common sense extends to the public realm, including unsafe utility access lids.
Is not Hammering Man an insult to labor? Shut up and hammer you featureless, 2-dimensional whirlygig workers! Sculpture Park’s Giant Traffic Cones demonstrates that to live with insane traffic, it must be celebrated. Cheap and uncomfortable bright orange table chairs was another artsy-fartsy idea for taking in the view. Ooo, an orange Eagle Thing! Seattle upper-class society is twisted.
The yellow bumpy pads installed at the curb ramp landings are called “truncated domes”. They are not primarily intended to be non-skid, rather they are intended to provide a visual and tactile cue for sight-impaired persons that the landing leads into traffic.
Here’s the relevant Department of Justice text governing curb ramps:
http://www.access-board.gov/adaag/html/a…
(yeah, I can’t recall how to embed links in Slog comments. Sue me.)
Regarding the non-skid coatings (or lack of) on handhole, vault, and junction box lids, current ADA rules now require a non-skid coating on all new and retrofitted lids within the pedestrian-accessible route. Meaning any covers installed as part of new construction must have the non-skid coating, and any lids affected by reconstruction must also have the non-skid coating, but there is no requirement that all existing lids everywhere must have the coating applied. Only if the existing lids are within an area undergoing a construction project are they required to be upgraded by applying the coating.
Fun fact: The truncated domes were so controversial even within and among advocacy groups for the blind that the initial ruling requiring their installation was suspended – for nearly ten years – in hopes that agreement would be reached.
@28 be careful, or he’ll sue you for all you’re worth.
Dr. Awesome, belated thanks for the facts of the matter. I had no idea! None of us did!
Omg I know. The double-wides are the worst. It’s like, yes, I’m walking around it,, not because I’m all OCD, but because I’m too klutzy to not fall on my ass on the big slippery thing, thaks for noticing.
my first week in Seattle, walking down Lenora between 2nd & 1st..it was a lovely sunset.. light drizzle tickled my face..the Olympics majestic! suddenly my feet are flying from under me and bam, I am on the sidewalk, winded, wondering what fuck, I sure glad I didn’t crack my skull.
you’re right. i’ve been thinking the same thing for years. they suck, they can be made slip-proof, but they somehow are not made slip-proof. they’re probably hella scarier for older folks. one fall can lead to death for them!! ftw
I totally bit it on one around the corner of the 15th Ave Group Health ER when jogging quickly there from my car to see someone that had been rushed there. I walk in to the ER with blood dripping from my hand holding my arm and explaining that I wasn’t there because I was hurt, but rather to see someone. Texture paint them.
As someone who wears high heels ALL THE TIME, I have had to avoid them for a while just because my heel always somehow gets caught in one of the little holes or nooks and I sprained my ankle from it couple years ago. While non-heeled shoes seem to be more fashionable these days, I don’t have any, and therefore I am always terrified of these metal plates of doom.
But you know…. After that first slip or fall or in my case, ankle spraining, you tend to learn better and it’s never dangerous again. It’s like how you learned not to put your hand on a hot stove as a kid. It hurt like hell, but you learned to avoid it, right? And you never thought to yourself afterwords, “Oh fuck! Someone should do something about these stoves. They are dangerous!” So after your first fall on a metal plate on the sidewalk, you do the same thing. You avoid it in the future instead of bitching and whining about how awful it is. Sure, you’re embarrassed that you ate pavement in front of the hot barista at the coffee shop, but so what, you aren’t going to do it again in the future… Unless you are an idiot, of course.
My thoughts? “Ouch, that fucking hurt! My bad, I’ll watch where I step next time.” Problem solved.