Seriously, what is the deal? Who designed these things? Oh sure, on days like today, they’re harmless, they glint in the sunshine, they recede into the nothing-colored sidewalk—you don’t even see them. But when it’s raining? As it does here quite a bit? As it’s expected to do Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of next week, for example? In the rain, these metal plates of terror are truly a mindfuck.
They are textured with ostensibly non-skid surfacing, the only point of which seems to be to guide you toward your doom. Hey look! You think. These little metal grips will keep me from slipping in all this rain! They’ll grip my shoe treads or whatever! The only possible purpose of those little metal “grips” is to mislead you. Right? Am I missing something? Soon as they’re wet, these metal plates become tiny ice rinks embedded in the sidewalk. With oil on them. Oiled up little ice rinks. You step on one and Oooooooooooop! You will slip. If you don’t have amazing reflexes, you will likely eat it. And if you eat it just right you will crack your skull open on the sidewalk.
Is it a anti-tourist thing? A way to harm and embarrass out-of-towners? Is it performance art? Is it a corruption thing—some metal-factory bribed the city into accepting oil-and-ice optical illusions instead of non-skid metal? They’re EVERYWHERE. Several per block in commercial zones. Three of my favorite designs after the jump.
- The Trusted Rusted
- The Double-Wide Slide
- The If-You-Thought-Wet-Bricks-Were-Slippery-Wait’ll-You-Get-a-Load-of-Me!
Access panels.
They’re designed for fast and easy removal.
The problem is that you see more of them nowadays because we put all the stuff underground instead of overhead, for safety reasons, but the side effect is you get more of these everywhere, especially with high levels of density.
Not great in ice or when they’re wet.
I thought you were going to talk about the danger of electrocution from wet, improperly grounded metal covers, or the danger of falling through a grate.
I’d avoid stepping on them altogether if I was you. Best to not remind the Morlocks that we’re up here.
This is so cute! You and Goldy should do alternating Curmudgeon bits. Yesterday he complained about some outrage that was only a marketing joke he didn’t get, and today you complain that mean old utility access hatches – which help make it easier to keep our bustling city working properly – force you to unfairly have to watch where you’re walking. In the city.
Goldy, it’s your turn now – what you got, crabbypants?
They are double plus fun on a bicycle. Come around a corner and hit one of those…
Thanks. I’ve always wondered the same thing. I avoid these at all cost now, since I have fallen on my ass more than once after moving here.
City Life – It’s Not for Wimps.
A good runner up is that yellow or white stuff they spray on the curb ramps that, I believe, is supposed to be a non-skid surface. Like the metal plates of terror, they are harmless in dry weather, but when they’re wet, look out ground, here I come! Not to forget the fact that they wear out pretty easily thus requiring a reapplication AND the fact that this plastic like stuff is just breaking down, washing into storm drains and then floating out to that enormous plastic island in the pacific ocean. It just isn’t right.
ugh, the tread on those is horrible, if they got smart they would texturize them with something akin to sandpaper. so slippery for bike tires.
@5 and @9, what are you doing riding on the sidewalks anyway? If you’re going fast enough to slip, you’re accomplished enough to ride in the street.
The one on the east corner of Pike and Boren is particularly nasty. I’ve slipped on it once, and seen three other people go down on it too.
You complain about how ugly the wires are, so we put them underground. Now you complain about how dangerous the boxes are on the sidewalk. When we put them in the street, you complain about how it messes up the traffic when we have to get in them.
You people are never satisfied. My advice is that you just stay home and watch tv.
What kind of fucking shoes do you people wear? These things are only dangerous to me because I rarely change out of my bike shoes and still walk around. I’ve almost slipped on these a few times (thanks, cleats!), but FOR REALS, yo? Y’all need some walking lessons or some new shoes. Practical shoes. Oh god, I’ve become a frumpy, uptight Seattleite. I’m sorry, I’m on the wrong newspaper blog, can someone please re-direct me to the Weekly?
@9 they used to do that in most places, but stopped – not sure why.
Maybe the Unpaid Interns could knit some covers for them…knitting’s a Seattle thing, right?
The only problem I have with these things, is on a steep incline with snow on the ground. Wear shoes with better traction is a better solution than to replace all of these across the city.
Normal people would walk AROUND these things.
Canuck, if they knit covers for them they’d get soggy and fray and then Christopher would trip over them while walking to the office while texting sailors, and we’d be right back here trying to soothe his nerves all over again.
Those things were a nightmare when I was on crutches.
You naysayers are all clearly men. Many, many shoes designed for women have some sort of treadless sole, which leaves you vulnerable to the vicissitudes of utility designers everywhere. I have to work to find shoes that don’t have a slick tread on ’em, and yes, I’ve gone down on these fucking things too. Hate. Them.
TVDinner, head to Ramuta’s over on Stewart – any sole you have, any heel you have, no matter how precarious or slick, Ron and Louise can take care of all your nonstick needs in a subtle and durable way. My darling shoe-maven buddy takes her most amazing shoes there – she never, ever has to worry.
@9 – the sandpaper raises another issue. If you *were* to fall on something with that texture, you would tear the hell out of whatever fell on it (pants, elbow, face). I come across this choice running in the rain all the time: steep sidewalk or the greenstrip next to it. Take the one path and you’re almost certain to slip, but you won’t break any bones – take the other and you’ll *probably* make it down okay. If you don’t, hopefully you’re close enough to home that you don’t bleed out limping back.
SDOT is replacing one of these in the street right outside my office window, even as I type this.
These plates were installed in every city during the Bush administration.
Young evangelical Republicans were raised in the underground caverns, and emerged fully formed with no sense of how the world really works & of how people interact in civil society.
*shriek!!* You have a shoe-maven buddy who is not me???
Pardon me while I PASS OUT.
I’m w/ #2. Stray voltage is a much bigger concern than a bruised butt.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/04/nyregi…
the newer hatches have the “sandpaper” texture.
heaven forbid you could call SDOT and SPU and ask them about it, newspaper reporter.
The first rule of access panels is we can’t talk about access panels.
Also, the circular sewer-grate ones for Seattle City Light are even worse!
I always walk around these things, no matter how stupid I look doing it. Also, how about those awful dance steps on Broadway?? Those things are even worse, especially in the snow.
They’re called vaults.
I like the photos – some art is happening there.
I admit I have slipped and fallen on those even with my shoes with the best traction. I can’t always wear those. Chances are a rainy day or night will meet up with me wearing dress shoes. I have learned to do the “walk around” thing when it’s slick outside.
One rainy night a few weeks back, I actually saw that flash mob guy doing some nice slide dancing tricks on the one in front of Julia’s while he was on his phone. I expected “Singin’ in the Rain” to start playing and the drag queens from inside to hit the streets with their polka dot umbrellas.
Slog gets about as #whitewhine as you can find just about anywhere sometimes.
@13, because most stranger staffers and readers are stoned/drunk/comes up all of the time, and can’t afford cars. 😉
@23 for the insightful Cannibal win, altho the shoe maven was runner up.
By the way, that surface is called “deckplate” (as in boats and ships).
Not always, 29. Sometimes they’re called hand holes. But I hate to see where this crowd might take that.
@35 but deckplate on ships usually has the sandpaper tread overlay, because (like here) it gets wet.
I hate those too, but I learned to walk around them less than a year after moving here. Especially when it’s raining.
@35 — “DECKPLATE”! Ah, I love you. I knew there had to be a word, and I knew it couldn’t be “kinda like houndstooth, but metal.” Thank you.
1. Buy some grip tape at a local skateboard store.
2. Apply in a happy-face on slippery covers.
3. Enjoy practical public art.
Canuck, she’s only local talent, I swear. She can’t hold a candle to you
@41 I’m sorry, Canuck is away from her desk. Please leave a message at 1-800-TALK-TO-THE-HAND.
@29 the vault is the box below. I know sometimes they’re not really boxes, but the size depends on what is being accessed.
I’ve been slipping on those things for years. I’ve done my best to walk around but there are times where everyone else decided to walk around and I unfortunately had to walk across those things in order to get around people.
I would consider slipping to be much more dangerous than the electrical death shocks that a dog gets. Now don’t get me wrong, what happens to peoples animals when they pee/step on those wet electrical panel thingys and die is really sad to hear about.
they’re very slippery, no matter what kind of shoes you have. wet metal is slippery – no getting around it. unless you put some kind of sandpaper-like gritty surface on it.
as many have mentioned, you can solve the problem by NOT WALKING ON THEM.
@20: Gus! You know Ron and Louise! When I worked for Seattle Opera I went there all the time! They used to widen the calf on riding boots for us. (Short, fat little tenors don’t you know). Ramuta’s does most of the shoes for theatres all over town. And yay, for dance rubber!
I too have fallen (Ha! See what I did there? Fallen!) victim to these pernicious little plates of doom. I fell right on my ass sashaying past a whole pack of cute hipster boys once. Oh, how aged, and chastened for my vanity, I felt as they rushed to help me to my feet! Reminded of their sainted mothers no doubt…
Lissa, you WOULD know them too – they are legend.
And a belated thanks also for setting up the Slog Happy tonight. I wish I could go, but am delighted it’s going on – the Roey is gorgeous on a sunny afternoon.
I’ve seen people carrying hot coffee – running to get out of the rain – hit those things and go arse over tit. There are a ton of them in Belltown, and I’ve wondered how many times the city has been sued by people who’ve destroyed their knees. Really, they’re slicker than ice in the rain.
You forgot the “electrically charged due to faulty wiring” edition…