When 89 children in Glasgow were recently polled on whether or not it was okay to hit women, the majority said yes. The children, aged 11 and 12, mostly agreed they don’t agree with violence but justify it in cases when a woman hypothetically does something ‘wrong’. Like what, you ask?
They were asked to consider whether or not a man was justified in punching his partner when he found out she had had an affair.
Nearly all of the children thought that the woman deserved to be hit.
In another scenario, about 80% of the children said a man had cause to slap his partner because she did not have the dinner ready on time.
And then there’s this other, equally depressing survey:
[An] online survey of more than 1,000 people in London, called Wake Up To Rape, found that more than half of both men and women said that in some instances, the victim should take responsibility for a rape. The survey participants, who ranged in age from 18 to 50, included 712 women and 349 men.
Some 71 percent of the women who said they felt some rape victims should take responsibility said the victims were accountable for the crime if they’d gone to bed with the attacker. Only 57 percent of the men felt that way, according to the survey.
According to a majority of people polled, women are responsible if they dress provocatively, go home with their attacker for a drink, or get into bed with their attacker. So, to recap: Children grow up thinking women deserve beatings for serving dinner late and mature into adults who believe women should take responsibility for being raped. How the fuck did this happen?
@1-150: I think we can all agree that whatever productive debate was going to happen here has happened. Let’s move on: we’re going in circles.
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfri…
I feel nauseous from everything that’s been said. Absolutely nauseous.
And, Irena? I am so, so sorry that he did that to you. That sounds like rape to me–I don’t know what else to call it. And it’s a horrible thing. I’m so sorry. My friend was raped by her boyfriend when she was fourteen; I hope that it didn’t hurt you the way it hurt her.
I’ve never been raped, but I’ve certainly faced sexual harassment, and I don’t dress provocatively or put myself in dangerous situations. I never walk alone at night, I never drink, I never wear anything that’s revealing (my skirts and dresses go to my ankles, barring two skirts and one dress that go to my knees) and I’m also not traditionally “sexy”. So why was it that, in high school, people thought it was okay to grab my breasts and butt, even when I shrieked for them to stop? People who were my very good friends. Why did my ex-boyfriend think it was okay to reach into my underwear without asking me, while we were on a public school bus, when I was afraid to get him in trouble and thought I wasn’t allowed to speak up?
I do “everything right”, so to speak. And even now it rules my life. The only thing that I do that everyone here seems to think is a terrible risk is getting into bed with folks. Um, I’m a college student. What if there aren’t any chairs, and the floor is covered with dirty laundry? It’s never been a risky thing for me. I wouldn’t hang out alone with someone that I hardly know in their room, but… Well, I’ve only ever been hurt by people that I trusted, people that had been good to me, people that my friends liked and thought were good people.
I wish that everyone could live for a day in my body and see how frightening the world can be. (I’m just barely five feet tall, for one thing. That’s all the information I want to give regarding that.)
Also, how can I block certain registered commenters so I don’t have to read their vitriol?
Finally… Sorry, @151. I originally intended to just post the link. But then all the disgust bubbled up…
So sorry Namae nante irani!.
Have you considered talking to someone about how frightened you feel? It sounds like you could use a compassionate ear and some professional advice. Slog isn’t a counseling service. I just wanted you to know that you were heard and I am very sorry. Good luck.
Yes 152, it sounds like things have been pretty scary. Kim is right. You deserve someone on your side. I am sorry it’s been so crazy for you.
@150/Irena- That’s a great example, actually. Driving is risky. Choosing to rocket your body 102 feet per second down a strip of asphalt is certainly increasing your chance of something bad happening to you. Maybe you reduce that risk by driving on side streets, maybe you increase it by driving on highways during peak-accident hours.
If you find yourself in a head-on collision, whether you were doing 30 or 80 makes a difference, and it certainly contributes to how much damage you suffer. The amount to which you contribute to it is the responsibility you accept for your actions. You chose to get in a car, you chose to drive on the highway, you chose to drive 80. Is it your fault that another car hit you? Probably not. Are you culpable? Probably not. Did you deserve it? No. No one does. But none of those are the issue. Are you partially responsible for finding yourself in a head-on collision? Yes. A thousand times yes.
This will be my last comment. Probably no one will read it, but it makes me feel better.
@155: Be aware of what you are saying: every woman who is raped shares some responsibility for her rape. Because she chose to go on that date, pull into that parking garage, trust that male relative. The only way a woman can avoid the terrible burden of this responsibility — and believe me, it’s a terrible burden — is to never go out, to live under complete protection, to live in a compound of women, to cover herself completely so as not to catch a predator’s eye. If a woman chooses not to do that — in other words, if she chooses to live in the free world — does she bear partial responsibility for her rape? In other words, by being free women, are we responsible for the violence done against us? According to you, the answer is “Yes. A thousand times yes.”
I just want you to be aware of what you are saying. Because most people — people who are not religious fundamentalists — find it repulsive.
Exactly @156.
I’m always confused when people tell me that I, as a women, need to do to be “responsible for my own safety.” Someone isn’t trying to take my money so I can’t simply lock my door to prevent them from getting in. Rape is a belief that my body is public property and can be taken without my consent. It is mostly committed by someone you know, a person you trust, in a place you are familiar with. And it has nothing to do with sex, but power. So what am I supposed to do to prevent that crime? Not talk to men? Because if I’m partly responsible for my rape, that’s the only precaution that I can take.
@152 and 153. Thank you for your concern. I’ve not really had any luck with counseling. (I felt worse after my first two and stopped going.) So I’ve just been doing things like getting people to walk me places and trying to trust people in spite of it.
I’m leaving in a few hours for Japan, so I probably won’t remember to check any further comments when I come back in four months. Ah well.
Thank you again. I really do appreciate your kind comments.