When 89 children in Glasgow were recently polled on whether or not it was okay to hit women, the majority said yes. The children, aged 11 and 12, mostly agreed they don’t agree with violence but justify it in cases when a woman hypothetically does something ‘wrong’. Like what, you ask?
They were asked to consider whether or not a man was justified in punching his partner when he found out she had had an affair.
Nearly all of the children thought that the woman deserved to be hit.
In another scenario, about 80% of the children said a man had cause to slap his partner because she did not have the dinner ready on time.
And then there’s this other, equally depressing survey:
[An] online survey of more than 1,000 people in London, called Wake Up To Rape, found that more than half of both men and women said that in some instances, the victim should take responsibility for a rape. The survey participants, who ranged in age from 18 to 50, included 712 women and 349 men.
Some 71 percent of the women who said they felt some rape victims should take responsibility said the victims were accountable for the crime if they’d gone to bed with the attacker. Only 57 percent of the men felt that way, according to the survey.
According to a majority of people polled, women are responsible if they dress provocatively, go home with their attacker for a drink, or get into bed with their attacker. So, to recap: Children grow up thinking women deserve beatings for serving dinner late and mature into adults who believe women should take responsibility for being raped. How the fuck did this happen?
A wedding ring and a marriage certificate does not make a relationship rape proof. About 95% of the women that I have worked with over the last decade with regard to DV were raped by the one who one who promised to “love, honor, and cherish till death do us part”. Rape is not about sex. Rape is about power and control. Sex is the weapon used to gain that control.
FYI: Quick Stats from the Dept. of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics:
Criminal Victimization in the United States (2005) –
Age of Offenders (Table 39: Rape/Sexual Assault)
15-17 years old: 11%
18-20 years old: 15%
21-29 years old: 26%
30 and over: 45%
Other/unknown: 3%
Relationship of Offender to Victim (Tables 27 and 33)
Well Known: 33%
Casual Acquaintance:31%
Don’t Know: 4%
Stranger: 32%
Overall: 65% of offenders were non-strangers
Location of Offense (Table 61)
At victim’s home: 36%
Near home: 1%
Friend, Relative, Neighbor’s Home: 24%
Other commercial building: 1%
On school property: 8%
Common yard, park, field, playground: 3%
On street other than near home: 9%
Other: 18%
http://www.aardvarc.org/rape/about/stati…
@99: I think both messages are worth sending. To the people who commit heinous and violent acts, I say: Hey, don’t do that. If you do, we’ll throw you in jail. To everyone else I say: Hey, be careful of those people. They’re dangerous.
Do I *blame* the rape victim? Not in the slightest. The rapist is to blame. But I think a *responsible* person knows what risks are associated with what actions, and a person who takes those risks is more likely to become a victim. Is that such a horrific statement?
And, here I just sorta generalized my personal/quasi-professional experience. Uh-oh. It is a necessary and important habit in my line of work. Pointing out to women that they are not alone, that they are not the only one who has be assaulted by someone they know and should have been safe with. I am happy to be colored foolish in this instance; make it a lovely color, please. 😉
Attitude Devant,
It is wonderful to read you. I am glad you are in the world.
@90, Hmmm…I think I get it. When a woman makes an argument you don’t agree with, it’s emotional toying bullshit. Just where exactly did I toy with your emotions? I wrote down my opinions which are gleaned from my experiences, exactly as you did.
@86, You said if you get robbed in your home, you should not be held responsible in any way because you didn’t make a dumb decision. I agree. So, what’s a dumb decision? I’m a 5′ 2″ tall woman. If I walk home alone in my very safe neighborhood, is that a dumb decision? Is it dumb to take the subway by myself at night which I’ve been doing for 15 years without issue? Is it dumb if I’m wearing tight pants? Or is it a skirt that sets the rapist off? What strikes you as a dumb decision might not be a dumb decision for a woman or a potential rapist.
A woman can’t always know what sets off her attacker. He is a twisted individual.
Someone else compared it to a white guy walking through Oakland screaming the N word at the top of his lungs. I don’t think they’re comparable. Though the guy is not armed, screaming a hateful word like that is harassment. A woman walking through Oakland wearing a low-cut shirt and a skirt is not harassing anybody. She is showing off her body. If a man considers that harassment and enough of a reason to attack her, he is a twisted individual. She did not harm him anywhere but in his mind.
It’s like saying you should be held somewhat responsible if a schizophrenic homeless person on the street thinks you’re the Devil and comes at you with a piece of glass.
Another anecdote: I knew this guy who was Italian/Irish-American. As a teenager, he got beat up once by a group of black kids who didn’t like seeing a white kid on their block. Does he deserve partial responsibility for walking through their neighborhood in the middle of the day?
I believe in personal responsibility, I do. One should not steal, not even from major corporations. You should do the dishes when your significant other asks. You should apologize when you are wrong.
But saying the woman should take some responsibility for being raped implies she’s done something wrong, which she hasn’t.
In a way, I don’t understand why people are arguing this. We all seem to agree that the rapist is the one who committed a crime. Why are these guys (it seems mostly to be guys) arguing that a woman should take some responsibility for it? It’s like you guys can’t accept that sometimes bad shit happens to good people. Since you would take some responsibility for getting beat up in a bad neighborhood, everyone should have to think the way you do, otherwise it’s not fair.
There’s also this weird strain of thought in a lot of the comments: if you’re going home with a guy, you can only hope he won’t rape you. Um, so is it a 50-50 chance that a guy’s a rapist? You don’t seem to have a very high opinion of your fellow man.
@102: No, not horrific, when used in a blog post comment thread. When used as a way to blame rape victims, defend rapists, and perpetuate the rape culture that influences children to think women ever, EVER deserve it–yes. Horrific.
Also, “taking a risk” is a slippery slope argument. As @104 puts it, what might be considered a “risk” to you might be everyday activity for me, and neither means I deserve to be raped. Furthermore, there is an implicit double standard: why should I not ride the bus home alone at night, and you should? Why should I limit my drink intake, and you shouldn’t?
So, I just leave no room for argument. I believe in the theory of enthusiastic consent: only YES YES YES means yes. Other than that, it’s rape.
Well, Kim I disagree with you at 103—I don’t think you look foolish at all. In fact I was just about to point your #101 out as an example of the kinds of facts/stats that had been sadly lacking in this discussion, and to thank you for posting them. I am one of your biggest fans.
I’m with you on the willing-to-be-foolish thing. I think coolth is sadly overrated. If foolish has a color, I’d make it that nice pinky-orange that Mt. Hood has on some winter evenings.
A true thing: I have never been raped. Also true though is that I had a first (and last) date a few years back with a guy I knew slightly, a guy who seemed right enough until the following exchange occurred:
HE: Oh no. You’re not one of those feminists are you?
SHE: (coming to the realization that this guy is probably a jerk, but willing to be pleasant) Why do you ask? You don’t like feminists?
HE: (voice rising) Those bitches have it in for me! You’ll never believe this but they got me charged with rape THREE times. Do you know how much it cost my family to pay them off?
SHE: (catching on that “jerk” doesnt’ quite cover it and surreptitiously eying all exits) Wow. Pretty amazing all right.
Seriously—here’s a guy (who happened to be six inches taller and a good sixty pounds heavier than me–I am tiny) who seemed right enough until the trigger got pushed. I was lucky—lucky to be in a public place, a restaurant, lucky that he didn’t yet have anything more than my name and phone number (where he left some spectacularly abusive messages later that week) and lucky to be able to bail quickly. (For the record, I went to the bathroom, paced up and down, splashed water all over myself, and came back. I said I wasn’t feeling well (this was true, my heart was pounding out of my chest and I could hardly breathe), that I had just thrown up. Then I gave him some money to cover the food I’d just ordered, and bolted for the door.
@105, Obviously I agree with most of what you said. Regarding your last line about “enthusiastic consent”, I tend to go with the old fashioned, “No means no.” There are gray areas when it comes to sex. Women sometimes have sex because they don’t feel they can say no, they don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings. That’s not rape.
However, of course, if a woman says “Yes” because the man threatens her physically or with coercion (i.e. “I’ll fire you if you don’t have sex with me”), then yes, that’s rape.
An add on:
Those gray areas can be very painful for women. We need more education, empowering women to be able to say “No” when they don’t want sex and teaching men to respect women’s wishes when it comes to their bodies.
In terms of rape, more education is always needed, for men that “No always means No” and for women that “You did not ask to be raped. He violated your wishes, your consent, your trust. The guilt’s on him.”
Dear Attitude Devant,
The color me foolish was just a joke. I did not mean to suggest that you would think I was foolish for sharing; just the opposite. I had hoped that you knew that I was kidding. Still, I agree a nice pinky-orange is a lovely color. A lovely, lovely color.
I am so glad that you got away. I am so sorry that you had to suffer that experience. I try to wrap experiences like that as gifts that are intended to benefit myself and others. They are terrifying in the moment, but they are like manure and they fertilize a more compassionate life for us all. Kind of like redeeming the moment so it can be used for good. 🙂
Take care and have a great day.
I think its absolutely hysterical that the women on here think that men regularly don’t do risk assessment, limit the amount we drink, or have to judge where we go based on the danger involved.
Keep on being delusional…
Thanks Kim. I couldn’t agree more. I learned so much from that day: that people can’t be pegged easily, that anyone and everyone is vulnerable, and that my genteel southern upbringing had ill-prepared me for such moments. You are absolutely right: it has made me more compassionate.
Also, @Kim, the rape statistics bring nothing to the argument at hand. The question raised was “Should women take responsibility for their rape if they brought the attacker to bed with them?” Not, “should all women be blamed for their rape?” Nor, “Should a woman take responsibility for being raped by somebody she knew very well?” Because, implied in the original question, at least to me, and the point many of us have been arguing, is the case of the recently met stranger, or relatively new acquaintance.
Is your point that women shouldn’t have to do risk assessment in their life? Or that women shouldn’t have any responsibility if they midjudge their risky behavior? Perhaps I’m lost on that point…
You know, if rape is partly the victim’s fault because of how she dresses, where she is, etc., then how in the hell do you explain the rapes of 80-year-old women at home in their own beds, with the doors and windows locked? How the hell do you explain the rape of women who were wearing chador (“the sight of an escaping lock of hair inflamed me!”)? How the hell do you explain the rape of women who were just trying to get home from work?
You can do everything “right” and still get raped. The fault does not lie with the rape victim. It lies with the motherfucker who chooses to ignore the word NO.
@105: Yes, you’re right. Perpetuating a rape culture, allowing a rapist to go free… these are all things that we agree absolutely should not happen. But my original point was that this poll was not adequately described. The term ‘responsibility’ was not defined, at least in this article, if not the poll itself. This means that before I can draw any valid conclusions about the state of society from that poll, I would need to further define what questions people are answering. Does ‘responsible’ mean ‘solely responsible and the rapist should go free?’ Or is it a more vague definition of responsibility like I described in my previous posts. Until we get an answer, any extrapolation from the poll is premature.
@113 You’re right. ANYBODY can do everything “right” and still get jacked.
But, that’s not the question here. Try staying on topic instead of taking a specific topic and generously spreading it to all cases…
TheMisanthrope @ 112,
My comment @ 101 was directed to the comment @ 95. I could have made that clearer. My apologies.
I suggest you re-read my comment @ 76.
Have a good day.
Have you ever been betray by your partner, especially long term? Your whole world rocked because they selfishly quit thinking about their family and partner? Leaving it all just because they can? Relationships take work and require mutual respect and communication. What happens when your partner cheats among other things is that put their needs above all others.
Having the shit beat out of a cheater is the least of what they deserve, but we can’t do that we’re to civilized. And what of their peers and friends, and the whores that supported them while they cheated? Did they say or do anything? People are so afraid to offend that they won’t even speak up for integrity or honor.
The betrayed is left and the cheater is absolved through inaction. Never to face their selfishness.
Beat them, strip everything from them and then ostracize them until they find an acceptable way to get back into integrity with their family, friends and community. Real lives get destroyed through their selfishness. Their life needs share some of the pain they chose to create. And it is a choice to cheat. It does not have to happen.
Misanthrope – Going to bed with a man is not an inherently risky or emotionally manipulative thing to do. It is the circumstances behind that act that make it risky vs. not or manipulative vs. not. The survey question (at least, as disclosed in the article) gave no circumstances, it left one to fill in the rest of the story by oneself. You filled it in by assuming that the woman was either (1) being an emotionally manipulative cocktease (your first comment) OR (2) acting in some way that increased the risk of being raped. As opposed to thinking about a situation where a woman might have changed her mind for a “valid” reason (e.g., no condom, man becomes violent, feeling ill, etc., etc.) and then been raped. Or, about a situation where a woman is raped by a boyfriend/husband (which the vague survey question could also apply to).
The first assumption speaks to your opinion of women, generally. The second may as well. But, at a minimum, it suggests that deep down, your “mental picture” of “date rape” (when a woman knows her rapist well enough to go to bed with him) is a woman who has acted riskily, as opposed to someone who has not taken undue risks or is raped by a boyfriend/husband/other well-known person (as in Kim’s 33% above). Of course, in real life, some women who are raped have acted riskily (e.g., gone home with a man from Criaglist they’ve just met). But, many women who are “date raped” are raped by someone they either know well or reasonably felt like they could trust. I’m betting that is what Kim was trying to get you to see with her stats – that women are more often raped by people they know than people they don’t.
Intellectually, you know that women who’ve done nothing “wrong”, still get raped. But, your first thought when asked to fill in the picture of the vague question is of a woman who did do something “wrong”.
Uh, 117. Things sound pretty bad. Maybe you want to talk it out with someone? This is probably not the place, OK? But we all hear you, and most of us have some personal experience that resonates with yours. And you are right: we can’t beat the shit out of people, even when we hurt all the way through. I am sure you can find some resources wherever you are to support you. Good luck.
101
A woman with a wedding ring and a marriage certificate is less likely to be raped by her husband than a woman living with a man out of wedlock is to be raped by him.
Women should be educated about the risks of various lifestyle choices and given support to make choices that are safest for them (and their children).
Sometimes bad things happen to good people through no fault of theirs, but most mayhem and misery that happens is very predictable and preventable.
@120 Hey, Loveschild.
117 ftw
Infidelity usually/often destroys relationships.
If children are involved their lives are devastated, in ways that can never be repaired.
Yeah, in a perfect world cheaters would get the shit beat out of them.
And if you asked a kid if a cheater deserves to be hit, yeah, they probably think so.
Cienna;
kids thinking the cheaters who ruin their lives deserve to be smacked is less of a “How the fuck did this happen?” than adults screwing around and ruining the lives of innocent children who depend on them.
But thanks for sharing the whore perspective.
121
LC is not in the habit of hiding her identity.
But thanks for playing the Slog….
Yakdan @ 117,
I am so sorry. Most of us have been there. I hope you have a support system available to you. Please seek one out if you don’t.
Take care.
Why not? Then she could say the same stuff, but without the pretense of the caring Christian. Anyway, sounded like Loveschild to me. And, why do you care?
125
LC does her thing and the troll does his/her thing.
almost sounded worse than loveschild, actually. @120 and @122: You’re jerks.
@126, Right you are.
Lizabeth and Brooklyngirl—-your posts are wonderful. Thank you for your passion.
Most of us ignore the anonymous troll—we think he lives with his mother, since he has nothing better to do thank hang out here and call women whores. He also has a real thing about anal sex and abortion and is particularly active on threads that concern gays and abortion rights. Anyway, if you engage him in any way he tends to get quite vituperative (a word he will have to look up), so best not to bother with him.
On the other hand, feel free to do so—I just loved seeing someone else call him a jerk.
@129, Thanks. I’ve enjoyed your posts, too. Yes, it probably doesn’t add anything to the conversation but it’s hard to refrain.
Yeah, 130, one time he quoted a much revered (by me) scientist completely out of context and sent me totally apeshit. Have fun, but don’t take him to heart.
130
you have no idea how hard.
way too hard for attitude deviant,
in fact,
who never misses an opportunity
to follow the troll around
bringing up anal sex…
Wow, no matter what way you look at it it’s terrible. And saying that because a woman dresses ‘provocatively’ she is asking for it is ridiculous. What one person considers provocative may not be the next persons perception. And yes when you get into bed with a man… that’s a bad idea. If you don’t wanna fuck him…. DON’T get into his bed. Simple as that. And I know for a fact from personal experience that men sometimes don’t believe it when a woman says no or tries to head him off from sex. Especially if they’re intoxicated.
As a gay male, I’m not sure of the answer to this, but if a woman consents to PIV sex, and halfway through, she decides it not working for her and she tells him to “get off me, I’m done,” and the guy says, “wait, I’m almost finished,” is that considered rape??
Since many are discussing hypotheticals, maybe someone can answer that one for me. Again, I just don’t know.
I’m going to try to avoid the whole, “Responsibility, responsibility!” debate. We’ll see if I can succeed.
First, I fully acknowledge that there are things that women can do to lessen their chance of getting raped, and women do need to take this into account to a certain extent. I don’t think anyone is actually disputing this (although I could be mistaken), but some people seem to be acting like there are people disputing it.
For example, I think most of us would agree that it is not a good idea for a woman to go to a frat party and then get so drunk that she passes out. This kind of behavior greatly increases her chance of getting raped, and pretending that it doesn’t is a bad idea. If I had a friend who planned on doing this, I would try to dissuade her, even though I think it is profoundly unjust that a man would use a woman’s alcohol level to help him commit a crime against her.
However, I must stress that even if a woman CAN do something to lessen her chance of being raped, that doesn’t mean she automatically bears a responsibility to do that thing. For example, I was once told that in order to keep myself safe from rape, I should never walk anywhere by myself (I should instead travel in a group) and that I shouldn’t leave the house at all after dark. I choose not to follow this advice, and I don’t think I am in any way obligated to follow it. I am not going to live my life in such terror of rape that I cannot do the things that are important to me.
I don’t think there is a clear answer to that, Frau Blucher, but I think a case could be made that sex can sometimes turn into rape. You can also think of it from a gay man’s perspective — I don’t think there’s much difference there. It depends on the circumstances, right? If the woman/bottom is suffering distress or pain, then it’s a profoundly creepy violation for the man/top to ignore the call to stop. Then again, if it’s an otherwise loving relationship, and the woman/bottom is just getting tired but the man/top is just about to come, it probably wouldn’t be too big a deal if he said “wait, I’m almost finished,” and then got consent to continue. Although I’d say if he continued to ignore further requests to stop, or even if he didn’t look for a signal to continue–i.e., a word or a touch to reassure him that everything’s okay — then he’s committing an act of violence.
I’ve been in this exact situation, by the way — it was when I lost my virginity. A horrible experience. It started out okay, but then I just couldn’t take the pain and asked him to stop. He ignored me, and even as I continued to say stop, stop, stop, he kept going until he was done. I thought of it as rape for a long time, though nowadays I tend to put it into that “gray area” where you’re just not sure. But it was definitely painful and made me feel violated, regardless of the word you give it.
@136: I’m sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. You have my sympathy.
Thank you for responding, Irena @ 136.
You answered my question with the word that sums up what I believe most are trying to convey. “Consent.” I think all can agree that physically painful and forced sex is wrong. Terribly wrong. And, like you, I believe that in the beginning consent can be given, but it can also be taken away, at a later time. At anytime. Honestly, I believe those making the “responsibility” argument are forgetting that, though I might be incorrect. Also, I believe that men can withdraw consent equally, though I’m sure it happens less often, but it does happen, nonetheless.
However, I do agree with you also, that there are many “gray areas” regarding this matter.
Throughout reading the posts on this thread I was reminded of an episode on “Queer as Folk,” where the character Ted goes to a party in Palm Springs and everyone does a shit load of Crystal Meth and has sex. When Ted wakes up the next morning, he notices everyone around the television set watching a video tape of him getting gang-banged by a bunch of guys from the night before and he doesn’t remember any of it, yet there it is, on the video tape. One could argue, was he raped? Certainly could be thought so. Was he responsible for putting himself in the situation of being “too high,” and therefore contributed to the situation? Certainly could be thought so. Did he give his consent? At the time, from what he is seeing on the video, it appears so. Yet, the next day he feels extremely violated by the experience.
Oy! In these terms it’s difficult to place blame on exactly the guilty party. I think those arguing for responsibility would say Ted has a great deal of the blame, for he was extremely irresponsible for his actions that led to the experience, and those arguing consent would argue was true consent given under such circumstances. Certainly seeing yourself (or knowing) you were violated by multiple men, in such a situation, would definitely feel like rape, even if you couldn’t remember it.
I wished I had the definitive answer to this issue, but I don’t. So, with that, I’ll just shut up.
Oh Irena @136 that sounds absolutely awful! I am so sorry. I hope this hasn’t colored your life too much since. I am not sure men can understand (sorry, not even bottoms….OK, maybe a very slightly built twink) what it’s like to have something like that happen—to be small and vulnerable and to be forced to go through with something so painful and intimate.
Sex is such a nexus of need, desire, intimacy, vulnerability, and downright craziness that it’s no wonder that we’re all arguing about where the boundaries are. Just shows how much get’s pulled into bed with us. When it all works, though, it’s glorious.
Irena @ 136,
I am sorry too.
“Should women take responsibility for their rape if they brought the attacker to bed with them?”
I just want to point out a different and just as likely scenario than the one being debated (woman invites man for sex, changes her mind before the deed, he rapes her): Mutually consented sex by both parties. Afterwards, the man wants to have another go. Woman says no, she’s tired/done for the night. He rapes her, because she already “gave him permission” when she slept with him earlier.
Another scenario: Woman consents to sex. During intercourse, he wants to anally penetrate her. She refuses. He anally rapes her.
In both scenarios, there is an expectation of sex. I do not believe the woman has ANY responsibility for her rape in either case.
The important thing to remember
is that having sex
with someone you don’t know very well
is a normal part of relationships and dating.
Perfectly Normal.
100% foolproof and safe.
Pick them up at a bar. Let them pick you up.
Pass out drunk at a frat house orgy.
Meet someone hitch hiking. Maybe a biker.
It’s all good.
Expect to be treated with courtesy and respect.
Hallmarks of the casual/anonymous sex scene.
You know, I haven’t told too many people about that — I didn’t tell anyone at the time, and it’s funny, I realize now that I’ve always felt slightly ashamed of it. So the kind words are really nice to hear. Thank you.
And attitude devant, that was really well said.
Frau Blucher, that’s an excellent example of how complicated these things can be. No, there’s no definitive answer there, but in that situation — and in my own situation, for that matter — the last thing you need to hear from someone else is that you were asking for it. Or that you should “take responsibility”. Or that you’re a fool for getting yourself into that situation. All of that runs through your head anyway, whether it’s true or not! Even when it’s clearly rape, victims still blame themselves. No one needs to hear it from someone else — it doesn’t help, it doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t do any good at all. Just be kind.
Irena, I’m sorry that happened to you. It sounds horrible and, indeed, it sounds like rape.
Irena – I feel a little silly saying “thank you for sharing”, but, really, thank you. I think, too often, when people think of “non-stranger rape”, they think of someone who has made bad choices (like @142 above – drunk at a frat party, picking up a guy at a bar). So, it’s definitely worthwhile to share an example of exactly the type of situation where consent can be withdrawn, after a woman has gone to bed with a man (and she hasn’t made a risky choice and isn’t being emotionally manipulative). It happens. But, people generally don’t talk about it, because it’s highly personal and more nuanced than “stranger rape”.
Irena @ 143 – The exact reasons why I, personally, would lean towards the “consent” argument over the “responsibility” argument.
If the line becomes that hazy to determine fault, then the argument should default to “consent.”
IMO.
Interesting that so much of this puts the onus on the victim of the crime-“If a woman gets raped, was it her fault?” Making the action a passive one, where the victim is seen sort of as an especially tasty pastry in the shop window, calling out to passers0by. Who can fault them for taking what the wanted?
We spend very little time talking about how the real problem lies with people who chose to rape. It’s not my problem to avoid attracting the attention of rapists, it’s the rapists problem to not assault me. We effectively excuse rapists by saying the victim “asked for it”-as though thinking that the attacker simply couldn’t be expected to control him/her self. If you make it easy for me to steal from you, that doesn’t make me less liable for theft if I do so. In fact, the easier it is the stronger the need for self control becomes.
@147 said: “We spend very little time talking about how the real problem lies with people who chose to rape.”
But you can say that about every crime; we’ve been talking about the crime of murder since time immemorial, yet people still murder. The meaningful measure of success in dealing with propensities toward violence within a society is change in number incidents over time. Rape statistics (all the confounding factors in compiling same notwithstanding) show a general decline
The study referenced in the original post doesn’t count crimes, it counts thoughts. But the news, about rape anyway, seems considerably better if actual crimes are counted. Of course, as always, statistical trends are the coldest of comfort to victims
This is pretty basic, people:
If you knowingly contribute to increasing the possibility of something bad happening to you, then you share responsibility for something bad happening to you.
You can apply this pretty broadly and it works.
@149: You’re an idiot. By getting in a car, you knowingly contribute to increasing the possibility that you’ll be killed in a car accident. According to your rule, then, a person hit by a drunk driver shares responsibility with the person who hit them, just for being on the road. Funny, no court in the land agrees with you.