I wanted to meet up with someone from Williams-Sonoma, the SF-based kitchen toy superstore, for a book I’m working on. So I did the reasonable, responsible thing and contacted Williams-Sonoma’s PR department to ask for an interview. Here’s my answer:
Thank you for your email. After careful review, we have decided to pass on this opportunity. We appreciate your interest in Williams-Sonoma. Have a nice afternoon.
After careful review, I have decided to come to SF anyway, Williams-Sonoma, and to write about your business anyway. It was never my intention to write anything the least bit unflattering about Williams-Sonoma—I have some of your fine stainless-steel flatware at home—and I won’t be utterly destroying you now just because 1.) I can, and 2.) your PR people won’t talk to me.
But I am going to do this: If there are any Williams-Sonoma employees out there—retail folks welcome, corporate honchos preferred—who would like to talk to me, please send me a note. I’m not sniffing around for sex or scandal or a soup ladle to complete my set. I’m just looking for someone who can answer a few questions—on the down low—about the creation and marketing of new product lines, give me some background on Williams-Sonoma, and walk through a store or two with me while I’m in SF if it isn’t too risky.
I can offer complete confidentiality, of course, along with post-interview drinks and unlimited sex advice for life.
“and I am not going to utterly destroying you now just because 1. I can”
typo aside, this had me laughing.
Someone, just give him the damn soup ladle.
Please somebody, get HBO to pick up the fucking pilot already. He’s going to write a book about aspiring-class shopping habits if you don’t. Hurry.
You’re writing a book about Williams-Sonoma? What the hell does that have to do with sex?
You should to to Crate Barrel anyway…very gay friendly. Call the SF store and ask to talk the manager…see if she can set you up with one of the PR people.
Jeez, what did they think you were going to do: describe the uses of immersion blenders in foreplay or discuss the merits of various olive oils as lube? This is as weird as it gets.
“I can offer complete confidentiality, of course, along with post-interview drinks and unlimited sex advice for life.”
This sounds like a lot like a come-on.
Apparently the word “confidential” doesn’t mean what it used to.
So they don’t want to give you an interview… sheesh! Don’t be such a drama queen about it. Who says they’re required to grant interviews to anyone? Maybe they have a stutter and don’t like talking to strangers? If they grant you an interview, next thing you know, everyone’s gonna want one. Let them sell their overpriced kitchen gadgets in peace.
@9, there’s nothing even slightly drama-queeny about Dan’s statement. Maybe you should check yourself for unexamined prejudices.
Ummmm 10, he was being facetious…..
@4: It’s hard to say, but it might have something to do with the whole marketing to upscale gay couples like Dan and his husband — and their counterparts who de facto run the queer community — which Williams-Sonoma and Pottery Barn-type places painstakingly imbue through their advertising and merchandising decisions. They know where that dollar is coming from, but they might not be ready to speak officially on that strategy. The attention it might draw from teabaggers might be untoward, just as the stereotypes might become a brand liability.
I think it’s precious that Dan’s writing a book on the New Guppies. Maybe call it Pfags: Polished Upscale Gay Micro-Marketing Tactics in a Post-modernist World of Conspicuous Consumption.
On second thought, that should like a co-authorship with Charles.
@11, You’re right. My bad.
@12: copy editing: should == sounds
I would figure it’d having something more to do with the huge amounts of money that WS gives to the republican party.
Oh, Telsa, fuck you.
Not so bad, Fistique. Urgutha of all people should be aware that irony plays poorly in this medium.
Oh and Telsa, got to say you’re probably right about the W-S reluctance to talk to Dan. Good call!
Also, I gather that being cock-blocked by their PR department is something Dan, whose American name recognition is his American Express® card, is not really accustomed to anymore.
@16: Oh Dan, I love you too.
@10, 13,
no probs.
I know the convention is to put ^^ around sarcasm, but I always forget (and it looks weird too).
fwiw, Chuck Williams is a big ol’ queen. But perhaps that’s common knowledge.
It would be very disappointing to find out that W-S gives lotsa money to the Republicans.
“and I won’t be utterly destroying you now just because 1.) I can, and 2.) your PR people won’t talk to me.”
Mr. Savage, you, Sir, have an enormously inflated opinion and your “power”. You think your words can “destroy” Williams-Sonoma”?
Puh-leez.
1. Mary- you need to get way the hell over yourself.
2. I would not want to talk to you either if i were them. You’re a snarky ego maniac.
Just my ever so humble 2 cents.
Still though, I had to chuckle at the idea that Williams-Sonoma has a stutter. What would suck is if Pottery Barn has a really embarrassing zit on its forehead, and they don’t want to talk to Dan either until it’s gone.
First off 1.) No you couldn’t, and 2) A book for the “A” Gays like in ‘Tales of the City’ What a small percentage of Williams-Sonoma clientele. Think about it. The percentage of gays and lesbians as to heterosexuals. Now of that percentage, the gays and lesbians that shop at William-Sonoma…Sorry the economy in California is not doing that well…those opulent days of excess are changing in the Bay Area to say the least
yes. typos. apologies- but you get my drift i’m sure.
Yes, I can destroy them. I CAN. It is within my power. ONE WORD FROM ME AND… BOOM! They are HISTORY.
I’ve forwarded this post to consumerist.com. Let’s see if we can’t get some national web attention. (Not to say that the Slog doesn’t have a national following.)
He’s gone mad with power, like that Albert Schweitzer guy.
Good luck, Dan. Make sure you know where the local Sees is.
I don’t know anyone that works for WS, but I hope you enjoy a break from the heat.
@21, while I can only find one donation by the company itself, $50,000 to something called “California ’96 Unity Project”, which was something Republican, the corporate officers are all very big Republican donors, except for Williams himself. Chairman Howard Lester, Sharon McCollam, Patrick Connolly, and many other employees have given many, many thousands exclusively to Republican candidates and PACs over the past decade at least. They all appear to be heavy backers of Carly Fiorina for Barbara Boxer’s senate seat.
I wonder if Dan found them donating to Yes on 8 or R-71. Seems like that would be of interest — a supposedly gay-friendly, heavily gay-marketed company supporting Republicans and maybe working against gay marriage? Just a thought.
@26: Uh-huh, oh yeh.
Always there to confuse and fool ya.
Ditto, @21. I remember the paper catalogs from the early 90’s when Chuck Williams was writing much of the copy. The rhapsodizing about faience and majolica ware was over-the-top.
The cruising is better at Crate & Barrel anyway.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlG70Fd3q…
The 9:04
“My reviews have destroyed whole cities!”
@Dan #26
Yes honey. I can see it now. You’ll jump on your broom stick and sky write “Surrender Williams-Sonoma” and cackle with a maddened glee.
Yes- GLEE!
Emmy Nominated Muther F’ing GLEE!
MWAHAHAHA!
Oh, #34!
You just made my day with a shout out to MST3K!
Love it!
Cheers!
@31: Consider me very disappointed. And Fiorina, for god’s sake? It’s hard to see that as just being about what’s supposedly “good for business.” Ugh.
@ 31, compile me a list of corporations whose board members don’t give to the GOP and right wing causes. That would take a lot of digging.
Now, it’s one thing for them to give to things like R-71. That would suck big time. But the GOP in general? Meh. Businesses and businessmen and -women do that all the time. People, you’re going to drive yourselves nuts if you obsess with how they spend your money.
Right on, Matt. Many – any possibly even most – corporations give plenty of money to both parties, as a matter of fact. Hedging their bets, I suppose.
@38, tech firms give much more to Democrats than to Republicans. Google, Microsoft, Cisco, Intel, yes, even Fiorina’s old company HP give to both parties but with a significant edge to Dems.
Williams-Sonoma, on the other hand, is pretty solidly Republican-donating at the top. I did notice a lot of Dem money coming from their IT staff, though, which is interesting.
I do love my W-S stockpot more than anything else in my kitchen. Too bad they are being so leotarded.
But understandable that a $3.5 billion dollar corporation is trying to protect it’s image from a big ol’ faggoty fag. Sure, they could see you as a father/husband or an advocate for equality. But you know they’re worried that you’re name will frighten away the christian, suburban drones who are their bread and butter.
@26 I need a like button!
@Dan: Where are you going to be in town? (SF)
What does Williams Sonoma have to do with that book you’re writing on sex ed for teens? You are writing that, right??
FYI W-S has the best gravy base in the WHOLE WORLD. Buy it this fall before the holidays, or it will sell out and then you’ll cry.
Canuck,
I make an awesome gravy, or so I’ve been told not trying to sound too chuffed about it. No base needed. Red wine and Vegemite do wonders. Although I do add a dollop of tomato sauce if I’m starting with the dripping from a roast. If you ever find yourself without W-S.
Thanks, Kim! There’s a song called “How to make gravy” by Paul Kelly, and he talks about putting tomato sauce in gravy “for a little bit of tang.” (And I thought, “what the?”)
And I agree, wine makes everything better, but I like it best in the cook… 😉
Dan’s going a little Joan Crawford on us…
Of all the businesses, I never thought Dan would pick a fight with W&S.
@46: As in Paul Kelly and the Coloured Girls? As in “Before Too Long”? I dig Paul Kelly.
Also, to say an American corporate enterprise like W-S makes better gravy than what you can get in Québec is just blasphemy for a Canadian citizen to say.
@47: Dan just dislikes being told no or informed that he might not be correct. Instead of being mature about it, he instead gets petulant. In this world, never deny a self-righteous man his oyster.
@48 Ahhh, I have no idea…I should know about Paul Kelly, sounds cool, but I just have a CD (with that song on it) that I bought at the Edmonton Folk Music Festival (I’m thinking that’s a crime on Slog?) My only memories of that evening are drinking about 42 bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and sharing my lipstick with the husband of my best friend and having our respective spouses look at us like we were crazy…hmmmm.
Gravy in Quebec? Qu’est que fuck? I live in Alberta, where gravy is made with little packets from Club House and Cheez Whiz, or something… (I was informed when I was first married that duck a l’orange was made with “Tang,” for the love of the little baby Jesus, if you can believe that.
@Canuck,
I love Paul Kelly and “How to Make Gravy” is one of my favorite Christmas songs. I learned to play it, it is brilliant and simple. And, it turns me into a weepy little sook, very cathartic.
@Telsa,
Me too. I’ve got a number of his albums. I go in and out as to my favorite, it might be “Songs From The South”, Volumes 1 & 2 because it covers songs from ’85-’08.