Dudes, I think something’s up with my right eyeball:

right%20eye.jpeg

Doesn’t it look red? Eli Sanders says I’m being ridiculous. To compare, here’s my perfectly normal left eyeball:

left%20eye.jpeg

The more I think about it, the more I feel a slight burning coming on. But is it all just in my mind? Or do I seriously have a fucked-up red eyeball!?

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

65 replies on “Does My Eyeball Look Fucked Up to You Guys?”

  1. Seriously? My eyes look like that after I rub them (I have allergies). That’s nothin’. If it gets worse unprovoked, look it up on WebMD. Til then, take a nap. It’ll probably go away.

  2. MATT 18:9

    And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

    A tablespoon and a quick motion will resolve this

  3. The first night I spent at my ex-girlfriend’s house, I totally got pink eye. I probably should have dumped her then, but hey- at least it wasn’t the herp hiv or hep!

  5. If light is hurting your eyes, you may have iritis.

    If it just feels a little “hot,” like you’ve been at the beach all day, it’s probably viral conjunctivitis which you can’t do anything about. You’ll maybe see a little crusting in the mornings, etc.

    Bacterial conjunctivitis hurts so much you’d already be in the hospital. So it’s probably not that, or it’s just starting.

    It’s not likely to be allergic conjunctivitis, since it’s only affecting one eye.

    Do not waste your time in the fucking emergency room if your vision is basically the same and it’s not getting worse.

  9. I’ve read it all, it’s black and white
    The spectrum made a shade I like.
    The crimson rays are ruby bright
    Technicolor light.

    Red! I want red, there’s no substitute for red.
    Red! Paint it red, green ain’t mean compared to red.

    You don’t know what it does to me,
    My crimson intensity
    I’m haunted by the mystery,
    The mystery of red.
    Red knocks ’em dead,
    Some like it hot, I like it red.

    Red is my lover, got it covered
    Red is my number, sure as a coma
    Red is my drummer, and I hear red thunder
    Move over brother,
    Red’s a motherfucker
    (Red! Red!)
    That’s what I said
    (Red! Red!)
    Come on to bed
    (Red! Red!)
    Gimme that expensive spread

  10. I remember reading a few years ago about a zoo worker that got chimpanzee poop thrown at her (they do that, I guess) and a little tiny bit got into the corner of her eye, and she got some rare disease from it and died. I can’t find a link offhand, but it doesn’t matter since that’s clearly not what you’ve got.

  12. Does anyone else find it disconcerting the fact that shes trolling an internet blog for a diagnosis??
    Clearly you have a very serious infection and if this were an episode of HOUSE it would also mean that you are a lying piece of shit bent on hiding something from the people who love you and you have approximately 45 min to live.

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