So, I’m in L.A. for the weekend, and I just got back from touring the single most amazing place I have ever been: the Michael Jackson auction collection at the Beverly Hilton. AND MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
Michael Jackson—in case you hadn’t heard—accidentally got super destitute because he spent all of his money on flying carpets and gold-plated robot butlers, so he decided to auction off all his shit to raise a bunch of millions of dollars. (Or something. Please do not quote me on the details.) Except then he changed his mind and asked for the stuff back, so now there’s NOT going to be an auction (boooo!), but that’s not really important. What’s important is that I still got to go and LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF.
THE STUFF.
IS CRAZY.
Touring the Michael Jackson auction collection is exactly like touring the inside of MJ’s baroque, gold-plated crazybrain. Turns out, the inside of MJ’s baroque, gold-plated crazybrain is the most fun and wondrous place you’ve ever been. It’s also suuuper depressing!
It’s the kind of place where it’s impossible to decide what to take a picture of. IMPOSSIBLE! Everything is fucked up AND totally fucked. The weirdest revelation of the day was MJ’s apparent obsession with lifesize wax figures of elderly white people in folksy poses and varying bonnets. The Creepiest Piece of Furniture Award goes to “child-size chaise lounge” (for child-size reclining nude?). But the overall Best Shit Ever is CLEARLY the vast collection of MJ-themed art, for which words do not suffice. (Far too many pictures after the jump!)
Follow me, follow me…
A Child’s Garden of Alleged Bad Touching 
A lot of the stuff is weirdly homemade/bush-league, like this Zoo sign.
This woman was LITERALLY WEEPING in the sculpture garden, and in this photograph is tenderly pressing her cheek to the golden gates of Neverland.
“Socks.”
“Art.”
Roddy McDowall?
Something about this dirty mat made me sad.
California Raisin collection.
This was not right.
DEAR GOD WHY WAS THE AUCTION CANCELED!?
DEAR GOD WHY WAS THE AUCTION CANCELED!? PART TWO
DEAR GOD WHY WAS THE AUCTION CANCELED!? PART TWO (detail)
As far as I can tell, this one involves Peter Pan and MJ watching in horror/furtive pleasure as the Three Stooges, Kermit the Frog, the ghost of Walt Disney, and Shirley Temple all conspire to rape Charlie Chaplin.
Edward’s actual Scissorhands.
Original paintings by Michael Jackson (top) and Macaulay Culkin (bottom). I WOULD NOT JOKE ABOUT THIS.
See this chef guy? There were ten more like him in different outfits just lounging on the furniture all over the place. And some of them were ladies. Did MJ always dream of having whimsical white grandparents?
Can you read this? It’s a letter from Ronald Reagan expressing his condolences about that time Michael Jackson caught on fire.
Gew! Gew gew gewww!
“I’m a multidimensional creature…”
Goodbye! (FOR NOW…)
Please learn french before automatically assuming that “child size chaise lounge” means nude kids in a chair, it means a child size lounge chair, in fact only one word in there was french, and that’s chaise. Which means chair.
“Original paintings by Michael Jackson (top) and Macaulay Culkin (bottom).”
Priceless.
@ Andre – please read the actual post before commenting.
So yes, what a wonderful collection of junk. There are hordes of lunatic fans out there, feeling perturbed and saddened that they are never going to get their mitts on a piece of tainted trash.
Is it just me, or do most of the illustrations look like those on those travelling carnival rides?
The man is clearly disturbed and in desperate need of psychiatric care. I question his mental status and worry for his children.
@51. Calm down. Chaise lounges are frequently the furniture of choice in classic nude paintings. Therefore, a child size chaise lounge could only be used to paint a reclining nude portrait of a child. That said, ick.
We’ve all heard of the man who has everything. It appears that Michael Jackson is the man who had ANYthing.
God, what a bunch of junk!
George Washington with a jeweled glove and aviator shades… that series of portraits is amazing.
they need to make a museum, and MJ can just charge people and make money that way
OMG I’M SO JEALOUS I COULD DIE I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GOT TO GO TO THAT!
Geezus fuck that’s amazing.
This is, like, a tour of the inside of the brain of a person who spent 30+ years at the pinnacle of our popular culture. Isn’t it scary? It’s not that HE’S that fucked up. WE are that fucked up. Frosted and twisted and completely disconnected from reality. And bankrupt.
Dark doesn’t know how to get any darker than that. Magnificent.
<3
I think they should use his whole place as a detention center for fundamental terrorists. Talk about punishment.
I WANT THAT LETTER RONALD REGAN SENT TO MICHAEL JACKSON!!!!!!!!!!
@59..
violet..i think you’re on to something.
i just figgerd out that that the painting of him as peterpan is on his momofriggin car.. lindy, what kind of car is that ?
No, @32, the green duck would be Fucky Duck.
@ everyone: I have more pictures. I’ll post a part 2 when I get the chance.
@ 55: exactly, thanks.
@ riz: IT’S A GOLF CART! or just a miniature car. i don’t know what the distinction is.
Horribly, the first thought that came into my head was, “So what do you think Tom Cruise has in his attic?”.
Obscenely rich, disconnected from reality for years, worships strange gods and practices strange rituals. Which one is crazier?
i am befudled, amazed, disgusted, enlightened, happy, sad, jealous, nauseous, gassy, god I dont know what to think! aaaggghhh!! other than that i wish i was MJ’s therapist, that person probably has almost as much money as MJ himself!
How come so many people with gazzillions of dollars have such abominable taste? Oh! But the whimsical old white people are SUPER SCARY. Ha ha ha…[the auction was CANCELED?! But I had a bid on the filthy doormat!]
MJ is a victim of character assassination. Job well done. He abused kids didnt he?……didnt he?
Holy smokes dude that is insane!
RT
http://www.privacy.pro.tc
Batshit crazy, definitely. But if this stuff had been found in Andy Warhol’s basement, it would have been declared evidence of genius.
I’ll bet that some of those paintings/sculptures are gifts from deranged fans over the years. That doesn’t make *keeping* it any less deranged, but I’m just sayin’…
andy roo posted a video at the top of the comments and it gives a more detailed tour of the almost auction. simply epic. but the nightmares i will get from the bit about the MJ mural of him being dubbed king or whatever will haunt me forever. FOREVER.
but be that as it may, lindy, you are my favorite person. you made my day.
and about the redheaded child statues……can anyone say…..CHUCKY?
Please upload these somewhere in a higher resolution. I’m dying to have some of these as a wallpaper.
Look, the man has a commitment to blowing minds. On stage, on recordings, and in his collection of fantastically, tragically, unbelievably, abominably GLORIOUS comissioned artwork of himself. It doesn’t matter how your mind gets blown, just that it gets blown.
Christ he had to wake up one day and think, “I need a painting of myself as a knight kneeling down to myself as a king, and monkeys”. This didn’t just HAPPEN. This was MADE.
I am jealous. When is this display over? Please, please post all your pictures.
@ 36 – Ewwww! I would NEVER put my feet in socks that were on Michael Jackson’s feet! Ewww!
Oh, “laterite” and “meags”, I laughed forever.
Even the comments on here are mind-devouring. Forever. I could. Not. Stop.
Page 96 of the catalog. . . tell me that kid doesn’t look like Macaulay Culkin. Ooogie.
Just lock him up and throw away the key
This makes me sad. I believe that he is just a normal person that went eccentric with fame and lonliness.
Wow. This is what happens when you grow up as a kid watching cartoons of yourself on tv
Xanadu – stately home of Charles Foster Kane. Price? No man can say.
saying all that is said -remember he thought he was a women -we buy that s**t, being rich that junk is a social status -duhhhhhhhh !ever been seen other mansions -same s**t without the wax –lol
Is Michael and Janets head okay.
The doctors can be sick in the world at times and they may have sickness in their family however I need a doctor can he come see me for my kids and me.
He can get in touch with me through others.
I think he helped many kids. How much money has he and his friends raised for sick kids world wide and how many.
Michael dont touch kids. How many have you touched and how many have you and all your famous friends helped in the world financially when they were dying . Come help me I still love you but I hate you too.
This stuff is just too bizarre for words. MJ being there aside, I would be totally freaked to live there with that stuff. Having the eyes of those statues and paintings watching you… ugh. ::shudders::
My english is messed up. I need Michael and a doctor.
I want his help. I hate him though. My head hurts.
Does his at times. Head injury is bad. The social workers and doctors are getting to me are they getting to him to. Help Michael. It is hard having
kids. I am great. I need to see you because I am a
genius. I love you Michael but hate you two.
I would never go to your concert. I never have seen a concert in my life for many reasons.We must meet I
am beautiful youd love me. You can look ugly in some phots.
It’s all ‘shopped. I can tell from the pixels, plus I’ve seen some ‘shops in my day.
Can You Say Pedophile
Actually, I totally want those scissor-hands. I loved Edward Scissorhands (the character, not the movie – most of the movie sucked).
The “I’m a multidimensional creature…” painting strikes an oddly familiar and frightening resemblance to the painting of “Vigo” from Ghostbusters II
If i was an eccentric millionare id probly buy some fucked up useless shit too
this made my night. the letter from reagan is pretty awesome, but e.t. really rocks those aviators.
@88 *gasp* It did NOT suck! That is a false statement! Repent!
Could it possilbly still be that he was not a child molester, and just a weird person? There’s certainly no crime in the latter, but MJ damn sure takes weird to a far extreme.
If however the allegations of child abuse are true, the real horror is that he got away. And if so, it’s hard to find much humor in all this. At least for me.
I had a migraine before I (ill-advisedly) looked at those pictures. Now I sort of feel like I’ve had a stroke. I got off the bus at the wrong stop and can’t figure out how to exit Crazytown.
@21 Fnarf is a genius.
@93 I always figured that if he really did molest children then his handlers ought to go down with him. This is a man who does not function without assistance. If he was molesting children he had lots of help getting them there, taking care of them, keeping them quiet, etc.
@Lindy. I adore you!!!!!
That collection is like the perfect storm of crazy. Or the aftermath of an ether binge.
Tudo aqui é lindo e ele merece mesmo ser coroado como rei
de elisangela para meu nenem michael jackson eu te amo beijos e fique com Deus
Absolutely amazing! A true narcisist!
A debt of gratitude to Ms. West – for posting this ‘collection’. Could we have Ms Graves weigh in on the artistic merit of these works?
I was there this weekend too – so freaking amazing! I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Everyone should see this stuff!