It’s time for the Lindy West Lunchtime Mailbag Fun-Show!

This just in:

unfriend.jpg

I don’t know either of these people. But apparently this nice woman’s husband is a fan of my work and added me as a friend on Facebook. How slutty of me!!!!

So….how should I respond?

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

120 replies on “Help Me Answer My Mail, Sloggers!”

  1. The only proper way for a slut to respond to this sort of accusation would be to do a flying leap from your desk onto his cock.

  14. Politely answer that surely since she has a deep bond of matrimony she would have no problem telling her husband to unfriend you himself. I mean, it’s not like the husband might think she’s some sort of psychotic, jealous, controlling bitch, right? Of course her husband shares her view on what is appropriate and no conflict would arise when he realized his terrible mistake of friending you without his wife’s written permission.
    Right?

  15. 8 is correct.

    Her husband is a grown man and can do whatever he wants with regards to who he “likes” on Facebook.

    Ignore her; she’s an uptight idiot.

  20. Oh, I say go all Maury Show on her:

    “He added me u stupid bitch. he loves me because I understand him and u can’t meet his needz. i aint no slut bcuz I give my man what he wants. u need 2 shut the fuck up and leave us alone. hes going to divorse you for me you ugly ho lol.”

  21. You should come clean and admit to the affair, maybe get maudlin and tell her how much it hurt when he recently dumped you for someone new.

  26. You should remind her that if she only possessed the writing skills you possess, her husband wouldn’t have to step outside of his marriage for some occasional good writing.

  27. Reply with one of those up close vag shots. You know, just confirming what she thinks you are in the most extreme way possible.

  32. What has happened to our culture thay the best most frequent response to this is not a flaming bag of poop on their doorstep? WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME, AMERICA?

  33. I’m torn between @8 and @21.

    I would also challenge her about whether she’s “friends” with anyone she doesn’t know….perhaps some slutty men? Because that would be inappropriate.

  36. this woman is just sad.

    my first response was “invite her to a 3-way” but honestly, I think it would be better if you refused to lower yourself to her level and just told her that issues about her husband’s FB friends should be directed to him, not the friends.

  37. But you did accept his friend request, in spite of not knowing him, as you say. His wife’s complaint isn’t that you’ve got an unanswered friend request from her husband — it’s that you are friends.

    So you basically accept friend requests from any man who asks. I’m not saying that’s slutty. I’m just saying that strange married men ask to friend you and you always accept.

  39. Send her a picture of a sweaty vagina and tell her it’s an example of her husbands handiwork.

    Close the letter with the line “By the way, learn how to give a fucking blow job”.

  42. Link her to this thread, so she can know how many people on the internet think she’s a raging lunatic bitch. Given that she’s concerned about her husband’s facebook friends, she clearly cares too much already what internet people think.

  44. This has been stated already, but clearly you should sleep with her husband, assuming that he is your type. Even if he isn’t, you could do it if spite really gets you off.

  46. First of all, no I will not unfriend your husband just because you said so.
    Secondly, the tone of this message tells me that you’re afraid your husband is looking elsewhere. I suspect this is because you realize you are an insane clingy bitch.
    You might consider yourself physically attractive, based on a long string of sexual relationships in high school. However, what you failed to take note of was your hideous personality.
    The fact of the matter is no one could ever love you if you treat them like your property. Your husband is a grown man. He is allowed to have other friends besides you.
    I currently have no designs on your husband. I’ve gotten to know him and he is a great guy, a fact which you don’t seem to have noticed. We will remain facebook friends despite your protests and if, one day, he sees sense and decides to dump your sorry ass, then he knows that I’ll be here ready to rock his world like you never have.
    Hugs and kisses,
    Lindy

  47. I have a feeling every female name on his friends list except relatives got this exact email from the wife. I’d love to meet her, she seems like a fun sort.

  48. Tell her you’re not going to be cowed by the same intimidation tactics that made his boyfriend unfriend him.

  50. Apologize for being such a slut and tell her you will remove her husband as your friend immediately. Also suggest she make sure he is not “friends” with Roger Ebert, as apparently he is also a huge ho.

    In the future, maybe you shouldn’t have your face as your profile picture. Slut!

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