william_henry_harrison.jpg Oh, William Henry Harrison. You speak with the same feverish incomprehensibility that I am suffering from on this day of homebound sickness.

It was the remark of a Roman consul in an early period of that celebrated Republic that a most striking contrast was observable in the conduct of candidates for offices of power and trust before and after obtaining them, they seldom carrying out in the latter case the pledges and promises made in the former. However much the world may have improved in many respects in the lapse of upward of two thousand years since the remark was made by the virtuous and indignant Roman, I fear that a strict examination of the annals of some of the modern elective governments would develop similar instances of violated confidence.

Mr. Ninth President of the United States, I cannot understand a word you just said. Or, rather: I cannot understand a word you just said 167 years ago. However, this is amazing, and a confirmation of the wisdom of staying home when one feels the sickness settling in:

President Harrison has the dual distinction among all the Presidents of giving the longest inaugural speech and of serving the shortest term of office. Known to the public as “Old Tippecanoe,” the former general of the Indian campaigns delivered an hour-and-forty-five-minute speech in a snowstorm. The oath of office was administered on the East Portico of the Capitol by Chief Justice Roger Taney. The 68-year-old President stood outside for the entire proceeding, greeted crowds of well-wishers at the White House later that day, and attended several celebrations that evening. One month later he died of pneumonia.

Well, Old Tippecanoe, at least it wasn’t too bad a way to go.

Eli Sanders was The Stranger's associate editor. His book, "While the City Slept," was a finalist for the Washington State Book Award and the Dayton Literary Peace Prize. He once did this and once won...

13 replies on “Inaugural Address of the Day”

  1. I think he’s saying that Roman politicians didn’t keep their campaign promises, and neither do Americans. His point is correct, but the style he uses to deliver the point is terrible, as you point out.

  3. I can never remember Harrison’s name when I’m trying to think of that idiot president who killed himself by trying to seem macho. (It comes up more often than you think.) He’s just got the stench of loser all over him.

  5. Poor Anna Harrison, who was to come to the Washington later but then her husband died, never had the opportunity to be a First Lady in the White House itself.

  9. My Fellow Americans. I would like to begin my term in office by reminding you that politicians don’t keep their promises. Now I’m going inside, it’s too damn cold out here.

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