So, with a whole month to go before the next Critical Mass ride and its attendant slog comment shitstorm, I was contemplating the urban situation and a thought popped into my head:
Here’s a suggestion: how about Dueling Critical Masses? All of the bikers who hate CM, infiltrate it, then cork it like it corks cars. Just sprint a half block ahead, turn your bikes perpendicular to the intersection’s cross street, overlap your wheels, and refuse to let CMers behind you through, clearing cross-street traffic for cars, pedestrians and non-jerk cyclists? It could be called Mass Critical of Critical Mass. You’d be hailed as urban heroes.
Or, conversely, drivers could cork CM. Just block an intersection (bumper touching bumper so no skinny hipsters can weasel through on their fixies). One of CM’s alleged points is that the road belongs to everyone, so logically, if CM has the right to cork drivers, drivers or other cyclists have the right to cork CM. Just, you know, for fun, the sheer pleasure of being out on the street interacting with their fellow citizens on the road everyone has to share. Sauce for the goose. . .
I’ve often wanted to arrange a large group of big guys to wait an at intersection where CM rides. When the light turns green (and pedestrians are given the ok to cross) against a corking flow of riders, all the big guys lock arms and “cross the street” blocking the bikes to allow cars to flow.
@1 – We know what would happen: the bikers would ram into the big guys, get their asses kicked, and would whine endlessly on the Internet about how the big guys started it and how they’re an oppressed minority.
CM isn’t trying to get anywhere specific. They can just go a different route.
Besides, the solution to the problem of people being assholes is not to be a bigger asshole.
That may be true, but would be totally worth it.
Sounds like a recipe for a riot. Could be fun.
Encouraging people to act like assholes in order to counteract another group of assholes. Are we trying to turn this city into New York?
Here’s what will happen:
A bunch of pussies will whine about it on the internet.
Nothing more.
I’d buy a bike to do this.
Corking a bike is impossible. Like the Cubs winning the World Series.
Cork Critical Mass – Better yet Chicago Fan, why not cork a funeral procession? Mourning bastards, driving slower than traffic, making us all depressed!
CM is controversial??? Lame, Seattle.
I like it. Since Critical Mass isn’t going anywhere in particular, maybe set up near the start and gradually cork them into having only one open path, starting at Westlake, going down Pine, south on First, West on Yesler, north on Alaskan, into the ferry terminal, onto a fairy, and off to Bainbridge or somewhere.
Truly, a great and constructive idea. But I don’t the the CM’ers would see the humor in it at all. They’re noble and righteous, and any inconvenience or frustration they cause other people is well deserved. Anything that messes with them, though, is going to be totally unreasonable and worthy of large scale police action, if not outright violence.
@ 11 – almost everything and everyone in Seattle is lame.
How about meeting up with all the other CM people, then when they bike off, go the opposite way and go on a nice bike ride with no drama?
Idea: blog it out.
Um, you’re missing some of what makes CM (and biking in general) so great.
If blockage is encountered (via normal traffic or cars purposedly blocking bikes) then the cyclists can easily change directions. If need be they can also likely legally move onto the sidewalk for awhile and “escape” that way. Your suggestions don’t seem like they’d be all that effective.
Forget it, I’m just going to go buy a longboard and sk8 past both groups while they’re fighting.
@16, if it annoys them enough, it’s effective. It probably be won’t effective enough, unfortunately, to make them realize that intentionally annoying other law-abiding users of the road is not going to win them more public sympathy, but … oh well.
WHITE RIOT!!!!
@16: YOU don’t get the point. Join us behind the wheel sometime. And get off the computer, it’s nice out!
Um, have half of the people constantly complaining about CM ever actually been inconvenienced by CM? Have half of the people complaining about cyclists been inconvenienced by a cyclist MORE than a mass of huge cars in front of them? I’ve lived in Seattle for 18 years now, and I’ve never once encountered CM, and if I did, I’d probably think it was kind of neat (at least a unique diversion from being stuck in gridlock every other second here).
And, yes, cyclists have gotten in my way and seriously annoyed me on occasion, but have only done so, like, one BILLION times less than cars/drivers have gotten in my way, not followed the rules, been assholes, etc.
Honestly, people, get a grip at the bigger picture. Cyclists rank as one of the LEAST annoying things about living in Seattle. And if you think cyclists are truly that horrible that you need to bitch, moan, and threaten to KILL them every time someone mentions cycling on Slog, then I feel very, very sorry for you.
P.S.—why is Chicago fan even commenting on this? Doesn’t he live in CHICAGO?!??!!
@9
the Cubs have won two World Series, 1907 and 1908. So anything is possible
@21, the Internet has destroyed space. Anyone from anywhere can read and comment about anything anywhere.
bitching about it on the tubes is as much of an effort people are will to do, this should be obvious. there is no way to cork critical mass, it would just go a different direction. this post is stupid and i’m stupid for responding.
Jesus goddamn motherfucking christ! why can’t you people just fucking LET IT GO! It’s a group of people on bikes, it happens once a month, if you don’t like it don’t drive home right away on the last friday, go have a drink, unwind. Put that shit on your fucking calendar (you have one, right? you busy busy blowhard) and plan on being held up for a few minutes, you know, like all the cars at rush hour.
Unrelated to Critical Mass, but I wanted to say this- thank you to the woman cyclist who was decent enough to stop at the stop light this morning around 7:40 on Pine, even though three other cyclists just blew through it (one with a dog nearly mowing down a pedestrian.)
Seeing someone like you who respects traffic laws gives me hope and proof that not all cyclists are self entitled douche bags. Thank you.
I don’t think any of these ideas are reasonable or will work to stop a CM ride, but something has to be done. My personal contribution will be to take my frustration at CM out on everyday bikers on the road. I’m going to pass my car really close to them, open my parked car door without looking behind me and generally not give a fuck about bikers on the road since CMers don’t give a fuck about drivers. They’re the ones who will end up in the hospital and if it’s my fault, my insurance company will just write a check and I’ll be back on the road in no time.
the fatal flaw in your silly mass critical bikers blocking bikes plan:
bicyclists don’t eat their own, the same way car drivers tend to. sorry.
ride a bike. “we like more, hate less.”
Yeah, it really sucks to have to wait an additional stoplight cycle during afternoon rush hour. KILL THEM ALL FOR WASTING 2 MINUTES OF MY TIME!!!
It’s once a month. Get over it.
um, this already happened about year back when there were crowds of pedestrians streaming out of the stadiums in sodo.
Can you guess who wasn’t offended because a large crowd of pedestrians is essentially a ‘critical mass’……?
yes, you guessed it!
yes, the critical mass bikers were NOT OFFENDED by a critical mass of fellow walking citizens.
Does that amaze you? Does it blow you tiny little mind? because it should.
Can I switch my opinion on this whole issue? Because I’ve realized (thanks in large part to the CM post comment threads) that I really don’t care enough about this to get angry or worked up over it.
Yeah, CM is sometimes on the more obnoxious side of free expression, and it’s not something I’d ever be interested in participating in, but I’ve never been personally inconvenienced by them in any meaningful way. While I do wish that some cyclists (including some I know personally) would be more diligent in following traffic laws for their own safety and for the sake of doing the right thing, using CM as a scapegoat for that is just being intellectually lazy.
Also, the CM post w/ long, angry comment thread has really run its course on Slog. Can we move on to bitching about something else now? Remember, only a few more weeks until the Blue Angels are back!
@28:
We’re not advocating to “Kill them all.” Calm down. Everyone has different agendas, some don’t have any agenda and just want to have fun on a Friday. Don’t try to pigeonhole. Mass Critical of Critical Mass is only once a month. Get over it.
Or join us, we’d love to have you!
This is a terrific idea, because, as everybody knows, escalation is always the best solution to any already tense, potentially confrontational situation.
@27
I ride my bike 3,500 miles a year. Don’t own a car. But thanks for thinking of me!
Critical Mass went from a basically good idea to a big yawn. The idea of bike friendly policies is a valid goal, but acting like the rules of the road do not apply to bike riders is just stupid. Just like treating animals better is a good idea until PETA comes along and trivializes the issue by objecting to throwing dead fish at the Pike Place Market.
Share the road and share the rules of the road, but quit pissing and moaning about being oppressed already.
I thought CM was now a police parade?
(I.e. bike officers riding along, traffic laws being followed, no corking.)
Was that just temporary?
101 years… Tinker to Evers to NO CHANCE!!!
I like it. It seems like there are two possible outcomes, both of which are positive. Either the dueling masses will truly grind car traffic to a standstill, or, more likely, those cyclists who have never participated in CM (ie. those who bitch and moan the loudest) will finally see for themselves how fun and how tame Critical Mass really is, and will join us for a ride.
I also like the third possible outcome – an all-out bicycle themed riot through downtown Seattle – but I’m not holding my breath for something THAT excellent.
Hey Hernandez, come out next month and I’ll ride with you. I had a really good time on this CM and would happily ride with you!
None of this will happen.
Passive aggressive pussies on the internet NEVER follow through in real life.
Ride your bike. Or don’t. But please keep whining because that seems to about all you can accomplish.
“One of CM’s alleged points is that the road belongs to everyone, so logically, if CM has the right to cork drivers, drivers or other cyclists have the right to cork CM.”
I think that is a talking point borrowed straight from the Pat Buchanan playbook.
Why not just spill a huge box of tacks right in front of the next CM. Cheaper, easier and would be a whole lot of fun.
@39:
There’s no need for name-calling. MCCM is great fun, you should try it! The best part about MCCM is that we have so much more diversity than CM – cyclists, motorcyclists, drivers, bus riders, pedestrians, and internet trolls! CM only has the cyclists and trolls.
We hope to see you next month!
@35: The SPD have ridden along at times. They’ve even corked intersections for the riders, as they knew that keeping the mass of riders together and moving them along was in general safer than breaking the group into multiple segments. In general though there isn’t a huge police turnout because they know it’s not worth the money spent on their end. Most rides are uneventful (conflict-wise) and they have more important things to deal with.
Want to make a change bigger than Critical Mass does?
A week after the new light rail line opens in the bus tunnel, get 50 of your best friends and try to all use the trains at the same time at multiple stations.
Change happens from action.
This is the dumbest fukkin’ post ever.
Lets get in our cars and block a group of bikers that may or may not come this way. Then we are all still stuck in cars in traffic. Hurrrr!
Or better “infiltrate the group”. If a group of shaved legs, spandex clad Cascaders corks an intersection, chances are everyone would say thanks then turn down the other road.
Can anyone confirm the following?!
I heard a rumor that there is a new group called The Bridge Bunch that is going on occupy seattle draw bridges at 6pm on the second Friday of each month (assuming it’s a sunny day). Apparently the Bridge Bunch is comprised of people who are extremely agitated at having to wait for hoity toity boats to pass by. The group was initially going to be an anti-CM group, but then they realized they have more hatred against boaters. According to a tweet from one of them: “How dare they make hundred of drivers wait every day simply because they happen to have a tall mast!” Supposedly they will be occupying the draw bridges on foot so that it can’t be raised, allowing commuting car traffic, which still exists after 6pm (the end of the bridge rush hour restriction), to cross.
@46 – I’ll help toss em off the Fremont Bridge.
Hope you can swim!
That said, a bike ride through the light rail tunnel would do you a world of good.
How about this? Large groups of citizens surround Critical Mass and clock them with bike locks, like CM does to innocent passerby.
BTW I know a CM spy who tells me in advance what route they are planning, which is FUCKING hilarious, because I can avoid those fuckers, and DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE my luxury car all over Seattle with no interference. It’s fucking awesome.
let’s buttfuck everyone and make them turn gay!
@48! That is SO COOL that you get advance notice of the CM route! Do you also get advance notice of the pedestrians that are going to get clocked with bike locks? ‘Cause then you could travel back in time in your super car and put yourself between the clockers and the innocent victims. Or if you arrive just in the nick of the time, you can use your infra-red vision to heat up the bike locks, causing them to singe the flesh of the bad bad bike riders. The onlookers will gasp in appreciation! “No need to thank me ma’am,” you’ll say, “it’s all in a day’s work for me and my luxury car.”
Then, flying in your awesome car at the speed of light, you can zoom through the universe, past the moon, as the Earth grows smaller in the distance.