Bad news for 2011! God appeared to Pat Robertson and told him to tell us that America is in debt and that there will be a reckoning in two years. Here’s the rest of God’s message.
Praised be His name!
Newsflash: God Is a Teabagger
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I like the way God is less fire and brimstone and commandments these days and way more specific about fiscal minutiae. How great thou art.
I really wish people would stop pointing cameras at that withered kook and get him some antipsychotics instead.
Dear old, old, old Pat. He’s such a bright and sunny spot in a dismal gray day… wait, I’ve got that backwards.
My fave new series, penned by Alan Smithee, is God, the Devil, and Bob.
I look up to Bob, of course.
So ratings were down again, huh?
Never ceases to amaze me how that works.
Has any prediction this senile old man attributed to his god EVER come to pass? I mean, at some point doesn’t even the most credulous believer have to look at a zero-and-five thousand failure rate and wonder, “with a track record as shitty as this, WHY exactly am I following this guy’s every word again?”
@7. No, because, as the Bible shows, any time there isn’t a great catastrophe it’s because we repented just enough to appease God. Or, an earthquake that levels an old shack in California and knocks a few cans off the shelves of the nearby gocery store is God’s wrath and we better all get down on our knees and pray or Haiti’s gonna get thrashed.
@7- He predicts a big natural disaster in the next couple years. The chances of him being wrong are slim.
Wow… is that all it takes?
In that case, I predict that the sun will come out tomorrow and …. RISE IN THE EAST!
You may now send donations.
So we should give unto Ceaser what’s Ceaser’s and raise taxes on the rich, no?
@7,9: I believe that one year he predicted that Florida would get a hurricane in retribution for allowing Teh Ghey to have a pride parade. Florida, bear in mind, gets hurricanes all the time. Oddly enough, that year Florida was left relatively unscathed…while a hurricane went unusually far up the eastern seaboard, ending up dangerously close to his Christian Broadcasting Network in Virginia. It’s that sort of thing that makes me wonder if God does meddle in earthly affairs here and there.
Is Pat having having a tithing pledge drive? It sounds like contributions must be down and the flock isn’t putting in 10% of their total income. Of course, I might just be too cynical today, but it seems if there is any reason for God to be pissed it would be because no-one has kept the Jubilee Year. Then again, I’m sorry to say that I see Pat as a son of Rome and they are a fan of the Jesus of the Gospel, students of Paul, and they like things domesticated, because they exchanged the vision of their desire for the visionary, they made him into an icon that they can finesse with their words.
He’s such a fucking asshole. And so are the morons that believe his horseshit.
“God” has been telling men like Pat Robertson exactly what they want to hear – a message that EVERY SINGLE TIME jives PRECISELY with their world view, their politics, their daily lives – for CENTURIES.
It’s a miracle. God’s miracle – he tells everyone exactly what they want to hear – especially the rich and powerful. God’s ALWAYS on their side. Otherwise, why would they be rich?
“Here goes, and take it for what you feel.”
I am way ahead of you, sir.
Hmm, God says to Pat Robertson that He will take care of His own people?
Pat Robertson and his kind are not “God’s Chosen People”.
#15 – jibes, not jives.
#18 Cats AND Banjos, not catsnbanjos
I think fell asleep on the sofa just before yet another screening of 2012 on HBO, it seeped into his God, err, I mean subconscious, and he’s hoping to get a billion Euro to buy a ticket to save his old, wrinkled and hairless ass.
@17, I think they’re no true Scotsmen, either.
@19: “Cat Plucker”, not “CatPlucker”.