I don’t have time to Slog today but, shit, I don’t wanna get pushed out of most commented—so, um, bacon-wrapped youth pastors are feeding foie gras to pit bulls on the bus to the airport that I refuse to take because I’m afraid of missing my flight thanks to someone in a wheelchair trying to get on. And I’m feeling all conflicted because while I think bacon is delicious I hate youth pastors and I love foie gras but I hate pit bulls and I spend way too much time flying around the country as is—my carbon footprint is swollen up like some poor tortured goose’s liver—so any wheelchair-bound Metro passengers that caused me to miss my flight would be doing me and the planet a favor probably.

Discuss.

112 replies on “Re: Usurp Savage”

  8. You forgot to mention that while you were in Lethbridge you were married…now you’ve been downgraded. Add that to the rant. 🙂

  17. You have a point. I still think when I’m the stuffer I want the goose to be dead. I hear they can bite.

    PS I’ve never been stuffed either.

  26. @63 et seq., remember the challenge was to usurp Dan even for a moment, which has been done. I appreciate your punctuative stuffing innovation, however.

  30. Umm! Yeah that is what I said, and my two children were both immaculate conceptions. Besides, you were the one who said you had never been stuffed first. So, if that is your interpretation neither of us have ever been laid. Say it isn’t so.

  31. Ah, well, being a guy, you know, there’s a slight difference in the terminology.

    And anyway, who gives a shit? I’m just posting anything that comes into my head to drive up the post count.

  37. How could you forget the women that breast feed their 8 year olds, while proclaiming that they won’t stop til the kid goes off to college.

  41. Also, people who drive cars suffer from a lack of imagination and have zero will power. They are usually selfish and ugly. Bike riders are beautiful and creative people who will live longer and have more friends. There is no debate about this. It’s simply true.

  42. Yes, Kim, I’m in Colorado. Kinda stinky weather today, but it’s been such a nice winter so far that I really can’t complain.

    What’s your story? Two kids? Not my idea of fun (there’s that honesty again). Been there, done that. Would never do it again.

  46. Fifty-Two-Eighty,

    Here in the Portland, OR area. We’ve had snow today, and a rain snow mix. The weather appears to make my Strat unhappy, keeps going out of tune. Other than that I like the snow, I’m originally from L.A.

    Yes, two kids, 13 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. They’re at a fun age, so I can’t complain. Intelligent, free thinkers, but unfortunately neither has much taste for music. They like classical fine, but are always asking me to turn down what I’m listening to (jazz and/or the blues). I guess that makes us a bit odd, mom and dad love their ipods, but the kids with no interest in owning their own.

    And you?

  47. But here’s what most infuriating about this piece: The reporter couldn’t find a single man-on-the-street, a single writer or author (ahem), willing to speak about NARN. Gee, SLOG, biased much? The reporter—the truly awful Bethany Jean Clement—presumes that everyone out there watching is just as shocked and outraged by all of this as she is (or as she pretends to be).

  48. Did Sonoma Foie Gras tell you that, Bethany? Really? The very same Sonoma Foie Gras for whom the torment of geese acts as a Soviet-style full-employment program said that? Amazing! Who could have predicted that the Sonoma Foie Gras would think so highly of the job that Sonoma Foie Gras is doing?

    Like so many of her stupid credulous hack colleagues at our daily papers, Bethany Jean Clement fails to ask the obvious follow-up questions: Should the statement by a foie gras producer that their factory is humane be taken at face value? Is there any other evidence to the contrary out there?

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