The castrated-by-choice man whose letter was Wednesday’s SLLOTD—and who casually mentioned that he had been castrated by choice—wrote back to share his story and let us know how that happened…

So the castration saga.

I had problems with my testicles since childhood—both undescended. Had surgery at age nine but only half successful and it left big scars on both sides of my groin. So when puberty hit, I was very self-conscious about the scars and only one ball in my sac (plus I figured out very soon I was a homo). By the time I started having sex with men in my 20s, the scars had faded quite a bit and my pubes further obscured them, but there was still the half empty sac problem—at least in my own head. Some years went by, I had two relationships (both ended in death) and then I was single again for several years. In my 40s, the urologist said I should have the undescended one removed due to cancer risk. Got that done, then a year or so later figured out that I had low testosterone and went on HRT. Then decided to see if I could get an implant and found a doc at UCSF who was doing them.

So finally I had the appearance of two nuts, but it never really satisfied me. My sac was very small, and even with the artificial one in, it was hard for me to find a cock ring that worked.

Flash forward several years. Now in a healthy relationship with another kinky guy and I started having erotic castration fantasies.

We used the fantasies in our play. They were very strong and very erotic. I started discussing with my partner actually getting castrated and having the scrotum removed too. He was supportive if I decided it was right for me. And he found it erotic to think about having a eunuch boy. About three years after the fantasies started, I made the decision to pursue castration. I found a network of gay men online who are into this fetish. Met a guy who was already a eunuch, became friends, and he directed me to a cutter. Visited with him on the phone and then made a weekend visit to check each other out. We scheduled the procedure for about six weeks later. My partner was there, my eunuch friend, the cutter who was doing me (also a euncuh), another cutter friend who assisted and a friend of theirs. Once I was strapped to an X shaped bondage table, any resemblance to a BDSM scene ended and it was all business—sterile procedure and plenty of lidocaine. The recovery was a bitch—more so because of the scrotum removal—but no complications and it all healed nicely after 6 weeks.

Now that it’s been done for over two years, it feels completely natural. In fact, it feels like my body is finally the way it should be. I like having men check me out and some are very intrigued and turned on. I’m
very up front about it on my Recon and Manhunt profiles and as a result I get a lot of contacts from men who are thinking about getting it done. It’s just as erotic to be a euncuh as I had fantasized it would be, so this story has a very happy ending.

There you have it. I’m always open to sharing the story and answering questions.

Discuss.

150 replies on “SL Letter of the Year: Balls Out”

  1. It happens. One of my friends had a client who’d been castrated by choice, and we “double dated” once although it was a humiliation date where everyone kept their clothes on.

  9. I don’t have anything to discuss about this – just did a shrug, “If it works for him, then whatever”. But then I’m not a guy, so no inborn cringe reflex – and I’m not into guys, so no real care one way or another what a dude looks like in that region.

    (And yet, not having any real opinion, I’m compelled to comment on it. Oh, the strange reality of the Internet …)

  15. It’s stories like these that make me understand what it must be like for a straight person confronted with the existence of gay people.

    I absolutely cannot understand this at all. And I admit to being more than a little disturbed and disgusted by the lengths this guy has gone to to become to person he sees himself as being. There’s an “ick” factor there that I have only rarely experienced before.

    A large part of me knows I shouldn’t feel that way. And ultimately, while I’d never consider responding to this guy’s ad on Recon, I’m glad he’s worked out a way of living that gives him some integrity and I’m really glad he’s got people around him to offer support.

    So I really appreciate this experience. It gives me a little insight into how many others see me and why they think the way they do and moreover reassures me that such feelings can be overcome.

  16. For some reason this reminds me of a joke about a moyel. The punchline went, “Yeah, but if you rub it, it turns into a suitcase.”

  17. So how is this guy any more or less of a nutjob than transgendered people? He wasn’t happy with his genitals and they didn’t feel like the right thing for his body or his life, so he changed them through surgery. Everyone would be clapping and calling him brave if he’d have turned his penis inside out and started wearing women’s clothes.

    Are Eunuchs the new oppressed sexual/gender minority that the LGBT(E) community gets to look down on?

  18. I was born the same way. It’s very painful to talk about. And the trauma of so much surgery at such a young age was made worse by the fact that I was immobil on the surgery table from the ether but I was awake and felt every cut and metal stitch. It was monsterous.

  20. Good for him! I’m glad that he shared his story, and I am happy for him that he is pleased with the outcome. It’s good for people to have their brains stretched by the unthinkable.

  22. Huh, I’m surprised by all those first comments. I don’t think this sounds strange or bizarre. The only thing that gave me pause was the fact that he couldn’t go to a clinic to get this done. I’m glad it all worked out!

    As for “ended in death,” okay, I paused there, too, but he’s 40-something so AIDS wouldn’t be a shocking explanation.

  24. @15 “It’s stories like these that make me understand what it must be like for a straight person confronted with the existence of gay people.”

    Err… No.

    Perhaps some straight people, but confusion,some level of disgust and intellectual-self-recrimination is hardly universal.

    For myself, this sounds perfectly well reasoned and I can imagine making a similar decision in the circumstances described. Admittedly, my balls hurt for having read this.

  27. I was also born with undescended testicles and struggled with both the appearance and pain of what remained. Although I learned to live with my oddity and accept it, I completely understand where this guy is coming from.

  28. Conversely, being straight, I have no sense of revulsion at all regarding gay people or transgendered people, but I do find people that like to have voluntary surgery done by hobbyists a bit… off-putting.

    I could care less who or what someone wants to fuck, but having had my share of unelective and necessary surgery (including one where the anesthetic wore off a bit too soon), I find people who are REALLY into having some dude in a basement alter their body quite creepy, be they in BME or Savage Love.

  29. There are “holy shit!” and “WTF?!?” moments all over this post and its comments. And the castration part is the least of them.

  31. “AIDS wouldn’t be a shocking explanation” – As a 40-something gay man, WOW. How the world has changed.

    IRT castration by choice, life is to short to worry about what other people think about how you treat your body. I’m glad you found a path to your own happiness.

  34. So this guy had his one remaining nut removed due to cancer risk.

    Everything else is a matter of personal aesthetics?

    Nothing worth a spit-take.

  35. @23 Yes. Big metal clips with teeth. Dozens. It was horrible. And they forced me to walk. So for several days it was like someone had folded me inside out. It left giant scars, both mental and physical.

  36. How the. Fuck does this guy pee? Does it just spray forward? Does he have a special pee straw? Can he orgasm from butt play?

    At least no one can go for the nut shot in a fight…..

  37. @6, @33, perhaps he’s from the AIDS generation, back before the drugs worked. Lots and lots of dead gay partners in those years.

    My question is, did you keep ’em? In a jar, or better yet a ziplock bag, so you could cup ’em for old times sake?

    I gotta say, on a hot, sweaty day, when there’s maybe some chafing issues going on, and, you know, being an older gentleman, with the attendant effects of gravity, I could see the advantage….

  40. @32 (laterite), if there was an easier and legal way to do so, I’m sure he would have followed it. But I’d guess castration surgery is currently probably harder to get than gender reassignment surgery — if at all possible. (Does anybody know more about that?)

    @15 (Corydon), who wrote: “So I really appreciate this experience. It gives me a little insight into how many others see me and why they think the way they do and moreover reassures me that such feelings can be overcome.”

    Indeed. Isn’t this were so much prejudice comes from — the ‘icky’ feeling? The idea that, since I really can’t understand why this guy would want to do that, then I get to feel icky about him => I get to feel that he’s wrong => I get to feel that I know better than him what is better for him => I get to feel that I have the right to think badly of him, to respect him a little less, to despise him a little, just a little?…

    Indeed, those who think he’s crazy are reacting in a way reminiscent of straight people who sicerely think (not the closet cases, the sincere believers) that gays are icky, wrong, bad, and impossible to understand. (‘How can they like to do that?’).

    I hope the insight will be appreciated by others here. Several of the more critical comments above could have been written about gays by homophobes. Yes indeed, it is the same kind of feeling… And as someone pointed out above, this suggests that even among enlightened people like those who come here there will be some who are OK with looking down on the next sexual minority, be they ‘good’ pedophiles, scat fetishists, or… eunuchs.

    Ah, the ‘icky’ feeling. The ‘I-can’t-understand-why-s/he-would-want-to-do-such-a-crazy-thing’ feeling. Isn’t it really a wonderful little thing?…

  41. @6 and @33, this guy is likely in his 50s. In his 20s he was gay and living in or near SF in the 1980s. As @22 says, having two lovers die of AIDS would (while tragic) hardly have been unusual.

  44. @37 Don’t joke. I have always wondered what it would be like to have what you have. Dare I say you don’t know what you’ve got until they’re gone.

  45. Damn, @ 36 and 41 beat me to it. Once it was clear this guy was well beyond the age of 40, AIDS immediately leapt to mind.

  47. @40 Bad comparison.

    Many of the comments aren’t saying “Tranny/BME enthusiasts/Jackass commentators on SLOG are ICKY!”

    They’re saying “home surgery in someone’s basement isn’t exactly the sign of good decision making.”

    World of difference there, kiddo.

  48. Many years ago (at least 15), I saw a film of a guy who had had his penis removed, but still had his balls. The film consisted of footage of his surgically altered genitals, while his voice (processed to be unrecognizable – the guy claimed to be some kind of bigwig) went on to explain his fetish and how he could still ejaculate. With no penis at all.

    After that, nothing surprises me. Not even this.

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