Santorum—the slick, the Rick—washed over Slog earlier today. The point was made—yet again—that the gays and teh buttsecks is so icky. How can we expect mainstream Americans to accept us if we’re having teh buttsecks and getting santorum all over absolutely everything?

Two points:

1. If you’re doing anal sex right, America, there’s shouldn’t be any santorum. (And if you’re doing politics right there shouldn’t be any Santorum.) That’s why santorum is defined as the “frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.” If you’re clean, if you’re only engaging in anal sex when your bowels are good ‘n empty, if you’re using condoms—in short, if you’re doing it right—you’re only going to have some frothy lube to show for your efforts, not a frothy mix of lube, fecal matter, and semen. Santorum sometimes happens, of course. Let’s not kid ourselves: it’s ass fucking, and accidents sometimes happen. But it’s always an unwelcome and unexpected occurrence, a mood-killer and a sex-ender (“Let’s hit the shower!”).

2. Most of the santorum produced in America—or frothed in America—is produced by… STRAIGHT PEOPLE. According to a 2005 study by CDC, “40% of men and 35% of women between 25 and 44 had engaged in heterosexual anal sex.” And then there’s this: “Another survey in 2008 focused on a much younger demographic of teens and young adults aged 15-21. It found that 16% of 1350 surveyed had had anal sex in the previous 3 months, with condoms being used 29% of the time. However, given the subject matter, the survey hypothesized the prevalence was probably underestimated.”

Gay people are a tiny percentage of the population—roughly 3-5%—and even if every gay couple in America had anal sex every time they had sex (and something like a 30% of gay men never have anal sex), we would still be way, way, way outnumbered by the numbers of straight couples having anal sex.

So who’s responsible for most of the santorum being pumped out in America? Straight people are.

84 replies on “Teh Gays And Their Buttsecks Are Soooo Icksy!”

  2. never done it, but you can’t tell me that your rectum isn’t normally always smeared with feces. bury your nose in someone’s ass and take a whiff. where do you think the smell comes from?

    again, i wouldn’t know, and don’t wanna know, but it’s common sense that gay sex is dirty. where do you think the derogatory “fudge-packing” comes from?

    i suppose you could enema it all out. nothing sexier than a douche for a homosexual i guess. swell.

  5. REWRITE DESK!

    “But it’s always and unwelcome and unexpected occurrence, a mood-killer and a sex-endeR (“Let’s hit the shower!”).”

  7. Considering she’s popped out 3 lil’ loveschilds @3, I’d have to say that assertion is probably slightly exaggerated.

    Unless someone can come up with a proper analogue relating to “verbal Santorum”…

  9. So in order to do it “right” one must enema and use a lubricant and use a condom.

    Otherwise you get shit (full of e-coli and other bacteria) all over yourself.

    So did cavemen homos get santorum on themselves?
    Were they doing it “right”?

    If homosexuals innately ARE homosexual because nature made them that way why didn’t nature also give them a self-lubricating shit-free orifice to fuck like she was kind enough to give heterosexuals?

    Does Mother Nature hate faggots?

    Or maybe, Dan;
    just maybe,
    you aren’t doing it “right” after all….

  10. @2 What you say is not true. Just because you have a stinky unclean ass does not mean everyone else does. I have heard the exact same concern from another straight guy I knew so it must be a common misperception. And when you “bury your nose in someone’s ass” it should not smell like…you know, unless you are into that and SOME people are.
    “But it’s always an unwelcome and unexpected occurrence, a mood-killer and a sex-ended.”
    Thanks for making that clear Dan. I have always had a problem with that word. It really discribes when straight people have anal sex. Let’s just make the record clear. If everything goes right there should be no fecal matter and the only smell should be lube, sweat and maybe roses.
    Many straights don’t understand that because they think it’s “gay” even to clean between their butt cheeks.

  12. Dan, did you READ the article about evolution you posted today?

    “It is clear that lifelong same-sex orientation is unlikely to evolve”

  15. @9

    it’s obviously unnatural. more power to y’all, though. smear yourselves with whatever floats your boat. -shudder- just don’t claim that the butt was meant for insertion.

  18. We should only use the anus for what it was “meant” for, just like how we should only use sex for what it was “meant” for, i.e. procreation. All recreational sex is a sin! A sin! A sin! It’s not what it was meant for!

  19. @2 (hee hee “number two” hee hee)

    Actually this one time I went to the doctor because I had blood in my stool and was worried about, you know, colon cancer or something. He tried to get a “smear” by sticking his [gloved] finger up my ass, but… he couldn’t find anything. There was nothing in there. So instead, I had to do this disgusting procedure with a home “smear-collection” kit. (I can give you the details of that, *if* you really want them.) Why did I have to do this? Because there was NO SHIT IN MY RECTUM. (Yes, I wiped my ass. I always do. I’m pretty sure I even washed it when I showered that morning, again because I always do. But that’s all. I mean, the whole point of the doctor visit was so he could poke around up there and find something.)

    So um, if you’re going from your own personal experience that rectums are “normally always smeared with feces,” then you might want to rethink your personal hygiene practices. Just sayin’.

  22. Okay, @8, technically I should have said “…considering she’s allegedly popped out three lil Loveschilds…”

    And really, if porn has taught us anything Dan it’s that the alimentary canals of straight women are as clean as a NASA white room and smell like lilacs year-round, so obviously there’s no basis whatsoever in comparing teh icksy gay Santorum-soaked buttsecks to the squeaky-clean, laundry-fresh smelling straight buttsecks.

  24. Hey – I have been fucking and getting fucked for many years, and love it…. both sides of the coin. Thanks to the goddesses, many gay men are in exactly the same boat.

    This article made me feel creepy.

    Someone has a hang up on the whole topic.Have fun, go animal, little muss is no big deal, take a shower together before and after.

    Remember Dan is rather compulsive about getting touched, germs, and many other things in life. Talking about good fucks would not be his thing. Sucking twinks most likely is, and, having them suck him.

    I bet he, Dan, thinks cum is icky messy, too.

    Signed: Young Bear, having a lot of fun

  25. And I suppose, since sticking your dick in someone’s mouth doesn’t lead to procreation, you fucksticks who are against anal sex have never had a blowjob either.

    Hmm. That would explain a lot.

  26. Santorum is straight. He ran is entire campaign on how straight he is. Rick “The Slick” Santorum’s entire platform is “I’m a good heterosexual, married-with-children Catholic and gays are bad”. Therefore it is impossible for gay butt-secks to produce Santorum. I assure you all Santorums were produced with heterosexual, baby-making fucking.

  32. 24
    you’re not being fair to Dan.
    He’s trying to be more adventuresome in his late middle age years.

    He has graduated from licking doorknobs to actually french kissing them. With deep tongue action.

    And his latest trick is buttfucking doorknobs.
    Be sure to lube them up good first.
    And you probably want to hang a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the other side.
    (…unless you like surprising and being surprised by the hotel maid…)

  34. The mouth wasn’t “meant” for insertion, either, MikeC. Putting a penis where it doesn’t belong is clearly unnatural and gross. So, I guess you’re never getting another blowjob again, ever, eh?

  37. Excellent comeback to these assholes, Dan. Straights are responsible for santorum. You’re absolutely right – the numbers are on your side. I just don’t get why butt sex between men bothers them so much. Honestly, why do they care if it has nothing to do with them? I’ll never get these people.

  38. scene: Saturday night at the Savage house…

    Dan- “oooh, gross! poop!”
    Terry- “Let’s hit the shower!”

    So we’re guessing your shower is as nasty as the floor at the Atlanta Eagle…

  39. @36 MikeC–
    Based on your unoriginal ignorant rants, only someone psychotic would get near your dick or even you for that matter. Although I suspect a healthy splash of sulfuric acid on your dick might be more to your liking.

  41. I think I’ll have to pass, MikeC. If there’s anything I’ve learned from you homophobic half-wits, it’s that one should never have sex with an asshole.

  43. @ fnarf, julie, mark, et. al.

    doesn’t it strike you as funny how your insults are not backed up by any facts? i’d be happy to take back anything if you could explain to me what was wrong in what i’ve said. and how am i homophobic? i’ve said i support your right to do what you want. pack-away!

  47. wow, you gays sure do have a low tolerance for people challenging your talking points. well, you’re young. i certainly didn’t mean to offend.

    i do think i get where you may have misunderstood. you assumed that calling something “unnatural” implies that it’s “immoral”. on the contrary, christianity itself strives to elevate people above “nature”. civilisation wouldn’t be possible without that. and sorry, fnarf, i don’t swing that way. thanks for the offer though.

    have a nice evening!

  48. If Christianity strives to elevate people above nature, Then I think it’s safe to say that Christianity is the “War On Drugs” of religions.

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