We need your help solving an inter-office battle. Three behind-the-curve staffers finally have beards (now that they’re uncool again).

beard-finals.jpg

(Click photo to enlarge)

As always, these polls are legally binding.

Megan Seling is The Stranger's managing editor. She mostly writes about hockey, snacks, and music. And sometimes her dog, Johnny Waffles.

82 replies on “Whose Beard Is Better?”

  2. “A Neckbeard, also known as a neard, is the strange under-the-chin hair growth only seen on fatties and UNIX programmers. Also known as the “Bloatee”, it is a derivative of the “Abe Lincoln” (Not to be confused with the sex move, since anyone with a neckbeard has no relation to sex.). Its purpose is to delineate the neck from the chin when the two have merged due to obesity. The wearer hopes his neckbeard will make him look like a badass from Hackers or The Matrix, but it actually just reminds observers that he lacks a fucking chin.”

  9. Thank you Frizzelle. I think I’m gonna shave my neck beard into a Hilter mustache, but I gotta color it brown since all neck beaver is all white.

    And @ 2 my neck beard IS to hide that I am morbidly obese. I really am a huge and fat boy. I don’t know what a “UNIX” is.

  11. Frizzelle… just a few more pounds and you’ll be an official Northwest Bear, especially with the Quake Rugby experience, brief as it was, on your resume’. You look hot, btw.

  13. I don’t typically like guys with beards, but Frizzelle, call me sometime. 😉 And don’t let my icon fool you, the ‘stache is long gone.

  15. i feel like choosing between 1 & 3 was too difficult because they are both SUPER HOT.

    no offense to 2, but people who can only grow neck hair have to shave. a few kids at my college tried working the neck beard but it was just unfortunate

  16. Frizzelle looks like Dave Matthews (not a compliment in my eyes).

    As for why Mr. Brissey, I did not vote for him because his beard ends under his chin with a razor line. A gradual stop to underchin/neck hair is best.

  17. Frizzelle looks better without the beard (not that he looks bad with it), and I really can’t stand neckbeards; therefore, I voted Brissey.

  25. Frizzelle must have had an important meeting today, what with the vintage 1960s Towncraft tie (clip-on?). You’re hot anyway. [/flirt]

    Some other personal opinions/prejudices, in no particular order:

    Pick a line, somewhere between the margin of the jaw and above the Adam’s apple, and maintain a sharp edge downwards by shaving at least every two days. I think Brissey wins here.

    Patchy beards (either in terms of growth pattern or color) most definitely have their charms. Yay Nipper.

    Use two mirrors to get a full-on side view (which you don’t normally get) and assess how beard shape works with your head/face contours. Solicit outside opinions if necessary, and adjust as necessary. Lots of guys have a whisker pattern that keeps going behind the earlobes. It’s usually best to maintain a straight vertical line forward of the ear down to the angle of the jaw.

    In spite of their tiresome commonality all through the 90s, especially among baseball players, van Dykes (don’t call ’em goatees) look great. By lopping off the last 1/2 inch or so of mustache, leaving only an 1/8 of an inch whisker line down into the chin beard, and eliminating long sideburns/muttonchops, they slim the face.

    Was that a faggy makeover, or what?

  32. haha. nipper wins cause it’s grey and proud. frizzelle always looks the same to me whether shaven or not (where’s the hat, dude?). and i don’t know who the other dude is, but i bet he reads a lot.

  37. Beards are so over. They’re like the Garfunkel and Oates of facial hair.
    Nipper, on the other hand, gets hotter by the year. Look at you, rocking the attitude.

  38. Grant looks super cute without the beard, but he is probably the only person on the face of the planet that I like WITH a beard. In the past three or so years that I have known him, he pretty much always has had some sort of beardlike growth. And I don’t believe I’ve ever told him he should shave. In fact, i am shocked and sometimes dismayed when he does.

  40. @27, I didn’t think it could be done, but you have finally found something that sets off my squickometer. Beard-rubbing, oh dear. That’s worse than that picture of the guy on the deck with the mason jar in his bung-holio. I’m now anti-gay.

  41. Frizzelle’s beard is best, although the whole image is a little “serial-killer-ish” (sorry).

    Nipper’s beard?… meh… I neither like nor dislike.

    Brissey looks like a high school chemistry teacher. Take that as good or bad, your choice.

    That’s my two cents, anyway.

  42. uh, you guys going off about 1 & 3…they look the same. just a different head tilt, shirt, and glasses. i’m glad that the stranger has now “decided” (i guess) that beards are “uncool” again. didn’t know they were considered cool to begin with. i knew that it was the new “indie facial hair fad,” a year or so ago…but, now…as an official fashion trend it’s dead, huh? thanks for letting us all know. let us know when flannel goes back out too, if you’d be so kind.

  47. I voted Frizzelle. I was going to vote for Nipper until I got a closer look at the scraggliness of it, and how far down the neck it extended.

    If they all shaved I would probably vote for Nipper.

  50. I dunno about “best beard” but I voted for Frizzelle because I wanna make out with him. Weekend jaunt to Vermont, Christopher?

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